So i got a message asking if Robyn is my actual name and yes, it is. Any time I tell people especially at school they always think it’s a nickname or my last name or they spell it with an ‘I’ instead of a 'Y’. That’s me down below! My full name is Robyn Alyssa Wright and I live in Jamaica!

Give me a live action Batman film that tries to be dark and gritty but gets ruined by the sassy and sarcastic comments and bad puns from all of his kids

Jason: We are gathered here today-

Dick: [sobs]

Jason: To honor the life-

Damian: And death

Dick: [sobs harder]

Jason: Of Blue, someone who meant much to us all. He was family. A victim of- uhh…

Dick: [sobs some more]

Damian: This is pathetic. I’m going to my room.

Tim: Don’t be so rude! This is a funeral!

Damian: For a fish

Jason: Shut up. Both of you. Steph, start the music again.

Steph: Sure thing, lover boy.

Jason: Blue was only 3 weeks old when he was tragically taken from us

Dick: [wails]

Batfam as Tweets and Tumblr Shitposts™
  • Dick: Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
  • Steph: That was deep
  • Tim: Philosophy is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie
  • Steph: That was deeper
  • Jason: Common sense is knowing that ketchup isn't a damn smoothie YOU NASTY!
  • -------
  • Tim: What if trees cried because we started eating their fruit because their fruit is basically their babies. So every time we eat an apple or something, we're eating a tree baby
  • Damian: *Slowly backs away from the fruit bowl looking stricken*
  • Bruce: *Not looking up from his newspaper* we're eating their ovaries actually
  • --------
  • Jason: That feeling you get when you're angry
  • Dick: Anger
  • --------
  • Steph: Boys are so lucky to have boners to tell them when they're horny because girls are just like damn am I horny or am I hungry or am I bored I don't know I don't have a dick
  • --------
  • Jason: If I cut off my foot and like swing it at your head am I kicking or hitting you?
  • Tim: You'll most likely mentally scar me more than anything else
  • ---------
  • Dick: Carpe diem seize the day. Carpe noctem seize the night. Carpe natem seize the ass.
  • ---------
  • Jason: 80% exhaustion 10% sarcasm 20% don't care
  • Tim: That's 110%
  • Jason: 20% of me doesn't care
  • Tim: Should've seen that coming
  • ----------
  • Bruce: *Mary Poppins voice* okay children time to go
  • [Fifteen minutes later]
  • Bruce: *Batman voice* I said let's go
  • -----------
  • Alfred: Who ate all the cookies?
  • Dick: Ninjas
  • Alfred: I didn't see them
  • Dick: No one ever does
  • -----------
  • Bruce: *Calls up pizza place*
  • Bruce: WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU ARE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING

-  I like to think Bruce Wayne explains every single one of his injuries as “hurt myself shaving”

- “How’d you break your arm?” 
“Oh, it was a shaving accident” 
“…okay?”

- It’s just not something you respond to with an accusation, you know? Most people would take it as playboy Bruce thinkin’ he’s funny 

- (And he really does think he’s funny)

- Meanwhile Dick Grayson comes up these crazy elaborate stories that always somehow hold a little bit of truth

- Jason just says exactly what happened but gives it no context

- “Hey man, what’d you to do your ankle?”
“Fell off a roof.” 
“What?” 
“Yeah. It wasn’t fun.” 

- Tim routinely forgets to think up a story and ends up improvising some crazy shit on the spot like “My arm? Oh, well, see, I was working my internship at Wayne tower and some guy broke in so I-” 

- One time at a gala someone asked Alfred why he had a leg brace and without really thinking he said “I was kidnapped” (an occurrence which, previously, had been kept secret) 

- Cue Bruce and Al improvising an entire story for the press. It goes off flawlessly

- Damian very bluntly says EXACTLY what happened but no one ever believes him and he loves it 

- “I dislocated my shoulder while fighting one of Nigma’s goons” 
“Aww he’s got a sense of humor just like his father’s!”

-  “How’d you mess up your knee, Cass?” 
[Cass nonchalantly shrugs] 

- Steph just blows off the questions in increasingly amusing ways 

- “What happened to your arm?”
“What?” 
[Gestures at cast] “What did you do?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about” 

More things Bruce has said to his kids:

Dick:

“You were such a cute kid. What happened?”

“So, if everyone else jumps from the roof, would you jump too? … I know that you jump from the roof every night … It was a rhetorical question!!”

“I love you, but go away”

Jason:

“Do you understand English?! I said no more killing!”

“Language, dammit!”

“You cannot sell your brothers on Craigslist!”

Tim:

“Why did you just put that in your mouth? … I don’t care if it was a dare! Spit it out!”

“I’m not talking to you until you put on pants”

“At what point did you think it was a good idea to test how long you could go without sleep?”

Damian:

“He is your older brother, do not use him for target practice”

“I understand that a dog’s mouth is cleaner than a human’s, but don’t let the dog eat off your fork!”

“Did you give Tim a black eye? … No, the dog was not the one to do it, try again”

Stephanie:

“Why did you put makeup on Dick? Now he won’t stop talking about his cheekbones“

“Stephanie, you don’t even live here, why are you paining the living room?“

“Will you stop trying to hug Damian? He claims that affection makes him breakout in hives“

Cassandra:

“You’re my favorite child“

‘I need you to watch the boys while I’m out … Yes, I know that most of them are grown men, but they seem to get into trouble when left unsupervised“

“I’m glad that I have one sane child“

Halloween at Wayne Manor
  • Every kid in Gotham knows to hit up Wayne Manor on Halloween, they give you MULTIPLE REGULAR SIZED CANDY BARS!! none of this fun-size shit
  • They also have a separate bucket of small toys for children with complex food allergies 

  • Best decorations in town, it’s go hard or go home and Bruce never backs down from a challenge, cobwebs everywhere, GHOSTS! mother fukcing PUMPKINS!!!
  • Bruce isn’t allowed to answer the door because he lets all the kids dressed up as Batfam and Wonder Woman have as much candy as they want and gives dental floss to those dressed as clowns, also kids dressed as Superman but he’ll deny it
  • Damian:*Carves a pumpkin with a really ugly face* Drake! come at once! Tim: *Sigh* what? Damian:*Smirks and turns the pumpkin to face Tim* it’s you
  • Food fight in the kitchen with the scooped out pumpkin flesh
  • Almost everyone wears costumes to make Dick happy
  • Dick once forced Damian into a child’s Batman costume, Damian was outraged by the plastic Batarangs, Bruce totally didn’t have tears in his eyes fuck you
  • Jason never wears a costume no matter how hard Dick pouts at him, this leads to an array of replies when people ask why he’s not in costume e.g “My muscles are too big to fit in any costume” “I’m dressed as a sinner” “I’m dressed up as a serial killer. They look like everybody else” “I’m dressed as the miracle of life” “a pumpkin killed my parents, how dare you”
  • Tim once dressed as a Ghostbuster and wouldn’t stop trying to hoover up Jason and Damian
  • Stephanie and Cassandra always dress in matching or related costumes, it’s super fucking cute 
  • Dick: Where’s your outfit, Alfred?? Alfred: *pulls out a pair of rabbit ears and places them on his head* I am a bunny Master Grayson. Hop. Hop
  • Barbara dresses as a mermaid which AmAZES!! all the kids, cause it totally makes sense!!! her red hair which means she’s related to Ariel #kidlogic
  • Dick:*Dressed as Dracula* I want to SUCK YOUR BLOOD!! Jason: You can suck my di- Bruce: LANGUAGE!!
  • Batcow, Titus, Alfred the cat, and Goliath all have home made costumes made by Damian
  • Dick always gets sick from eating the most candy, he says he’s doing it to save everyone else from having cavities, he’s a dirty liar
  • Tim: *Walks around Walmart pointing to decorations* Spoopy
  • Jason: Raisins!??? RAISINS?? who the hell gives raisins on Halloween Bruce??? Monsters that’s who
  • Little kid: *See’s Jason as Red Hood on Halloween* what are you meant to be mr? Jason: I’m a used tampon Others: *through the comms* JASON!!!