Stash-tea

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Do you see this shit? This tea?

Don’t drink it. It’s the nastiest tea I have ever had the displeasure of exposing to my digestive system. 

What do you see when you close your eyes and think of a breakfast in Paris

fucking close your eyes and imagine it right now, dirtbag

do it

do you see that goddamn croissant. fucking butter. delicious smells. classy atmosphere. rude people who hate you because you’re a tourist and getting your uncalled-for self in the way of their daily lives

yeah well throw all of that wasted effort out because this tea is not like any of that at all.

This crap’s only ingredient list is ‘mixed black teas, bergamot, lavender.’

So what does that make you think of

did you think of a refined cup of earl grey tea with a light floral, soothing scent

Well did you

quit thinking that’s not what it’s like either

this shit stuffs a whole sachet of your grandmother’s gross perfume up your unwilling nose, the kind with the chemical tang like a band saw made of the bones of parfumeries on your flesh. fuck this tea. fuck it.  it literally just tastes purple. Like the most ugly chemical lavender taste, as if you murdered Barney the Dinosaur and left his faux-fur corpse to bleach in the inhospitable sun

if you snorted this stuff I bet you could die and descend to some kind of purple hell where we put all of Hawkeye’s failed costume choices

this purple liquid fucking impales you through the eye like you were baldr and it was goddamn mistletoe

fuck this purple tea

shinee hosts a delivery mukbang (eating broadcast)

the spread: yangnyeom (seasoned) chicken with fried dduk (korean rice cakes), fried chicken, jjajangmyun (black bean sauce noodles), extra spicy ddukboki (spicy rice cakes), fried rice, tangsuyuk (sweet and sour pork), soondae (korean blood sausage), jokbal (pig’s feet) 

onew:

  • O YA!!!!!!!!!!!!1!
  • totally his idea 
  • could not sleep the night before bc he was thinking about what they should order and from where and morning needs to come faster 
  • tbh he doesn’t really care that it’s a broadcast just that there’s piles of food in front of him and he’s so happy ^▽^
  • keeps blocking other members’ chopsticks with his own when they venture near the chicken (”pls hyung you are too old to be swordfighting like this” / key: “i s2g you only became like this after they named you the chicken maniac YOU HAVE NO ONE TO IMPRESS HERE”) 
  • it’s darwinism, if you want to eat chicken be faster than onew’s speeding chopsticks of doom 

jonghyun:

  • lots of reactions while eating like gasping or humming 
  • teases the camera by saying things like “doesn’t this look good~ it’s really good too bad you guys can’t taste it” 
  • looks like a chipmunk bc his cheeks get really full as he just shovels food into his mouth 
  • takes forever to chew whatever’s in his mouth so when he talks it’s mostly incoherent 
  • stashed green tea ice cream in the freezer for dessert 

key:

  • mcing the event
  • reading out comments while he’s eating so not eating at a superhuman pace like the others
  • actually chews his food????
  • stabbed minho’s hand with a chopstick bc he was trying to take the last soondae off his plate 
  • makes lettuce wraps with jokbal and feeds the other members 
  • almost had to do the heimlich on taemin bc he was literally inhaling his food 

minho:

  • completely focused on eating the entire time ㅍ_ㅍ 
  • is this a mukbang or a competitive eating contest?? lmk minho??
  • when there’s no more food he’s like ????? who ate it all and blames the other members 
  • well it’s a good thing in the middle of the mukbang he ORDERED MORE FOOD OH YEAH 
  • ddukboki isn’t spicy at all, he feels no pain 
  • it’s fire, he’s fire boi 
  • he does chug a very large glass of water after which does NOT help  

taemin: 

  • plucking and eating all the dduk from the yangnyeom chicken bc honestly it’s the best part (manages to bypass onew’s blockade somehow) 
  • finished two bowls of jjajangmyun like nbd and still calmly eating with no intention of stopping 
  • also pretty much ate all the tangsuyuk by himself (a lot more lowkey about food hoarding than onew is but he’s claimed certain foods as his bc they’re all “subtly” in his corner)
  • smiling v brightly at the camera like he’s not eating his body weight in food 
  • viewers’ comments: woah….. attractive….. terrifying … humanly?? possibly??

ot5:

  • why do they all eat like they’ve never put food in their mouths before 
  • sm wtf

tododeku; a not-so-surprising regular occurence in the class 1-A dormitory.

“Midoriya? What… are you doing?”

Midoriya brings a finger to his lips, making shushing sounds at Todoroki from where he’s crouched behind the large potted plant by the elevators. Todoroki’s not sure where those potted plants came from, but it does make the empty hallway feel more like a place to live and less like a government building, so. Playing along, Todoroki crouches beside Midoriya.

“I’m hiding,” whispers Midoriya. He glances around the plant. “From Kacchan.”

“Ah,” Todoroki says, unsurprised. “What’s he overreacting about this time?”

That tugs a smile out of Midoriya. “I wanted to get a drink from the kitchen, but I didn’t realize he was using it.”

“Bakugou can cook?”

“Oh, yes,” Midoriya nods, his curls bouncing in a very distracting manner. “Kacchan’s wanted to be the best in every class, including home ec. I think because everyone expected him to do worse in that class, so he tried even harder.”

“Makes sense.” 

Midoriya peers around the plant again, but no homicidal Bakugou appears. Yet. Todoroki wonders if he’s actually hearing muffled explosions coming from the stairwell leading to the common room or if Midoriya’s paranoia is getting to him, too. He flips over an idea for another few seconds. Then he turns to Midoriya.

“Do you want to come to my room? He probably won’t bother you there. And I have a mini-fridge, if you still want that drink.”

Midoriya widens his eyes at Todoroki. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“No. But if you don’t want to—”

“No! I mean I—Um, I’d like that. Thank you.” Midoriya scratches his right cheek, eyes sliding away.

Todoroki nods. “Come on.” 

They check once more to see if the coast is clear, and then slip into the elevator. Midoriya is asking if Todoroki really has a mini-fridge in his room, wouldn’t that ruin the Japanese-style aesthetic he has going for his room, well I guess you could have the fridge inside one of the wooden cupboards and it’s not like you have to stick to the old-fashioned style completely; Todoroki just lets him ramble on, content to stand should-to-shoulder next to him.

anonymous asked:

Can I ask for some Iwa-chan headcanons? <3

yes you may <3

• has like 5 mini cacti’s at his home

• always has a well prepared tea/coffee stash just in case of emergency 

• HE HAS A BACKUP PLAN FOR A BACKUP PLAN, because team mom standards right?

• while he do roast Oikawa a lot he cares about him, obviously, and always goes the extra mile to buy him birthday presents, christmas presents etc

• he knows too many knock knock jokes it’s not even okay

• as the team mom he has mastered the neutral face of displeasure 

• if he goes into a laughing fit, there’s 99% chance he will snort 

• he always loses at the don’t cry challenges 

anonymous asked:

Anotha prompt!! Modern AU mclennon on valentines day

omg i think i know who this could be ;) lovely idea, and i hope i can roll with it! 

February 14th fell on a Sunday this year and John Lennon didn’t sleep in late, as he usually did every Sunday. This would be his and Paul’s fourth Valentines Day together as a couple and he was sure it would be a good one. Paul McCartney was a romantic, he always had been. He loved going all out for John. There was many times when John would come home from a long day, and Paul would have a bath drawn with candles lit, or even when Paul would convince John to meet him at the park and come to find the younger man with a picnic of John’s favourite food (cornflakes) waiting for him. 

That being said, Paul knew that John wasn’t good at all the lovey-dovey romantic gestures like Paul was, but he showed Paul his love for him in different ways. John was notorious for the little things. He always made sure Paul had a blanket when he fell asleep on the couch while they watched the telly, or made sure Paul always had a fully stocked stash of his favourite tea and snacks. Paul never expected much from John because of these little things.

But boy, Paul was wrong this Valentines Day.

J: Good morning and happy Valentines Day my lovely. Your task for the day requires you to follow the clues and find me. :) 

P: Playful little bugger, aren’t you?

J: Your first clue is outside your door. I can no further be in contact as per Mr. Valentine, but I will see you soon and if I’m lucky, you’ll be mine. 

Paul laughed at the messages. He loved when John was goofy, but this was so unlike him it made Paul’s stomach fill with butterflies. He went to the front door and opened it. There was a polaroid photo on the front step. Paul picked it up and scanned it to find it was a photo of him and John at their first pride event together back in 2012, before they were dating. Their mate George, a photography nut, had taken the photo, and Paul was surprised that John still had it in his possession. But, he also had no idea why or how this was a clue. He flipped it over to find John’s familiar scribbly handwriting. 

The person in which you seek is hidden, and when found you will sing. You’ve sang in the same place before, with a bright rainbow thing!

Paul chuckled to himself as he read John’s little poem. He knew that meant the next clue would be at Strawberry Fields, where the pride event John had taken Paul to had been. It didn’t take him long to get there, because he was so excited he wanted to see John’s little plan unfold. He walked into the fields, wandering around quite a bit before getting too anxious and excited. 

P: I’m in Strawberry Fields.. Can’t find a damn thing. 

Paul waited a few minutes after his message had been marked read, but it seemed that John was sticking true to his word by not staying in contact any further. Paul rolled his eyes and began walking again, but he tripped, and fell down onto his knees. “Bloody hell!” He quickly jumped up and moved his head from side to side, making sure nobody had seen his fall. He looked down and saw a rock, exactly what he had tripped on. He picked it up and just as he was about to throw it away out of frustration, he noticed a sticky note with the same familiar scribbly handwriting as the polaroid picture.

When our love was blooming you’d make me walk, down the street around the block. Our favourite place with cigarettes and pints, my favourite place to watch you rock. 

“Too easy. The Cavern!” Paul said out loud to himself with a smile. He literally skipped to his next destination. Outside of the Cavern, there was another polaroid photo taped to the door. An unusual thing to see, but it was Sunday and nobody would be showing up to the Cavern on a Sunday. Paul gently pulled the photograph off of the door and brought it up to his eye level. It was a photo of Paul sitting on the stage of the Cavern by himself, sitting on a stool with his guitar. Paul remembered this photo, because George had taken it and showed Paul immediately after his set. The way the spotlight hit Paul made him look professional and handsome, but he remembered being miserable because of how hot it was. John must have taken the polaroid from George. He flipped it over to find the same style note as before.

Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life, I love you more

Paul smiled at this note wholeheartedly, and he knew that he had finally reached his destination. He assumed the door would’ve been locked, but it wasn’t. He hesitantly walked into the Cavern and headed down the stairs. It didn’t smell like the usual stale pints and burning cigarettes. When he finally made it down to the floor, he was surprised by what looked like at least 100 candles around the dance floor. When his eyes finally met the stage, there he was. His John was sitting on a small stool beside what looked like a record player. John knew how much Paul loved the vintage sound of a record. Paul’s heart was already doing backflips, but when he watched John stand up to reveal that he was wearing a suit, he could’ve fallen over. He switched on the record player, and their song, Can’t Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley came on. Paul could’ve cried. 

John met him in the middle of the dance floor and put his hand out, nodding toward it in a gesture for Paul to take it. Paul’s hand was shaky, but he took John’s hand. John pulled Paul close into his chest, placing his hand on Paul’s hip and began swaying back and forth to their song. John leans in and kisses Paul’s cheek before whispering in his ear.

“Happy Valentines Day, my love.”

to the person who moved my tea stash, i do know who you are, i do know what you want. if you’re looking for ransom, i can tell you i have money that i will not be giving you, and i also have a very particular set of skills, skills that i have acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you

so, bruce banner. mario kart marathon. you and me.

let’s do this

Shmi the Temple Menace

Or: What happens if Anakin isn’t a Jedi, Qui-Gon isn’t killed, and Padme` uses just a little of her political swing.

The disgustingly happy domestic AU that nobody except me wanted.

Alternately: The Jedi Order pulls it’s head out of its collective ass, and Shmi Skywalker is tested for force sensitivity as well, and Qui-gon takes her to Naboo. Nobody dies, Shmi is a force to be reconed with, and she and Anakin join the Corps. I also somehow accidentally Qui-gon/Shmi.

As I’m so fond of saying: Not every force-user must be a Jedi, and just because you age out of the Jedi, doesn’t mean you stop learning about the Force.

Shmis lightsaber crystals were found in an ancient crater, peridot crystals that sang to her in a dream and she’s carried them since she was pregnant with Anakin. There’s six of them. 

Yes she’s terrifying and the Council knows better than to make her false promises.
———————

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goldmetalvictor  asked:

lmfao i only fucks with like 10% of fandom that gets my son's characterization right bc like the other 90% is some heteronormative bullshit that treats victor as a fucking living breathing sex doll for yuuri to use, abuse and be petty towards or he's a fucking airhead with superficial attributes that are so off point they may as well be from Mars lmao and it's REALLY fucking obvious they have no clue how to write a 27 year old man in a loving, consensual relationship bc it clearly shows :^)

lilly im dying cuz this was kinda out of nowhere but foken GOD MOOD???? like shit where do i stash all this TEA