Of course we were scared. At night when we went looking for ghosts, we found nothing but our bodies creaking, nothing but our dreams sent skittering, nothing but our failures tapping against the window, begging to be let in.
—  r.i.d

Stop apologizing, baby girl. Stop saying sorry for things that are entirely out of your control and stop twisting your arm over the fact that you cannot be what somebody else wants. Stop feeling bad about putting your own needs above someone else’s and stop acting as if you owe the world more than it gives you.  Stop putting yourself down for the silliest of reasons and stop treating yourself as though you don’t deserve what you want. Because you do, my love, you deserve everything you want and so, so much more.“

"So just breath, baby girl, breathe and remember that you can apologize for a lot of things, but you should never say sorry for being who you are.

—  excerpt from a book i’ll never write #95 // the sun rises and sets with you

I am sorry I tried calling you that one time
when I was drunk off loneliness and whiskey and Four Loko.

It’s just that your hands were so good at keeping
me together. My body still sometimes collapses into the shape

of your mouth. I am such a soft, malleable thing, and it has taken me
too long to realize that you are also this. More importantly,

that you are more than my memories. That you exist freely
and independently of my life. That my idea of you that crosses

my empty highway mind is not you. And with this, I am so sorry
for all the nights I tried to split your heart open just so

I had a place to rest. I did not understand how you were no
longer me anymore, how the you I had in me was a postcard

and not the city. Forgive the fury, the angry prayers tossed towards
the dark of my 3AM ceiling that were meant for your neck.

You were asleep that night where we started to break, and my skin
felt taut and sunburned, so red and wanting to scream, but Cassidy

told me that it makes sense that this was so frustrating. The rusting
of four years should make me mad. It meant I cared. And I still do.

And I still get the urge to hollow my arms so you can fit better, you
this new person who has grown and loved and spilled over into

a newer night. I forget so often that I can’t carry you like I once did,
and that you don’t know how to hold me anymore.

Even now, I’m still apologizing.

—  in which the poet tries to apologize again by Alex Dang!
Sometimes, you are gazing up at the sky, and you think you make out her smile tangled in the stars.
You still remember the first time you held her in your arms, dancing into the night with the grass staining your feet.
She looked her most radiant bathed in moonlight, and you are smiling softly just picturing it.
You like to think that one day, the constellations will map out your story, that all the star-crossed lovers will swear by your name.
Some nights, you are able to let go of everything the morning brings.
—  Star Story

a few things i have learnt on self love. 

- when they say time heal they mean time will heal if you allow it too time will heal if you acknowledge there are wounds time will heal if you know you are flawed 
and that’s okay to admit it will take nothing but time and courage to realize what has scarred you but you know what? life is filled with ups and downs you’re going to learn that life is a river that will flow forward not matter how rocky or crooked the path is. 
keep looking forward and let time heal, it’s okay to cry now but i want you to know, before you there is a future let time do its work. 

- you will lose hope, courage and faith. you will collapse to your knees one day wondering why you have to bleed for a heart that feels so heavy and eyes that never stop crying. and you know what? it’s not okay, it’s not okay to feel this way that’s why i am going to ask you to cry. bleed. hurt. be in pain. but no matter what it is, you get back up. you get back up and you see that sunset you love, if everything you love in life is lost then create new memories. it’s not okay, and things like this might happen again, but when life knocks you down you get back up and prepare yourself for another good fight. and you will win, and by win i mean, every breath you take you will feel alive again and not wanting to be dead. 

- when you stand in front of the mirror and you’re wondering why you’re not pretty/handsome enough. stop. you’re beautiful. you’re damn beautiful. you are going to ask me how i know, and i know, cause when you’re 65 and you have wrinkles and you’re walking slowly cause your knees hurt it won’t matter how you looked when you’re 15 cause someone will fall in love with you. not only for your looks but for the way you spoke, the way you fall in love with everything, and that and more. you are beautiful not only because of you are on the outside, but who you are on the inside and trust me my grandmother said it didn’t matter if my grandfather was good looking he was the only man who got her jokes. 
you don’t have to beautiful according to society rules, you are beautiful. there is no predefined standard, and you don’t have to be beautiful for someone to fall in love with you.               
if love was shallow, you wouldn’t have many poets or authors around writing about it, trust me. 
you do you, you make your own choices, and if any of these days you feel like you’re not good enough or as pretty/handsome as your friends, you stop and you realize how goddamn beautiful you are and you can be. 

- people are going to hurt you. bad. some people might mean it some people might not. and you know in hurt comes the sense of revenge but at the end of the day there is only you left. you cannot let anyone take away your happiness away from you, if a person makes you and happy and you’re dependent on that person that is fine. you’re worth all happiness, but know if a person hurts or leaves you, and this person made you happy, let them go. it’s not worth it to have something so poison you because it feels good, cause at the end of the day, the poison remains and you turn into dust so let it go. you will find better people, you will let go of relationships, and you will find more happiness in what you bring yourself then what others bring to you. and if you find more happiness with what people bring to you, that is okay as well, just remember at the end of the day YOU matter. 

- lastly, the thing i learnt about life is that, man it fucking sucks sometimes but there is nothing i wouldn’t do to get up every morning and see that damn sunset. because right now i am alive. i am life. i am the universe. i am everything i want to be. 
and nothing will stop me. 
and it shouldn’t stop you either. 
so try loving yourself, put the puzzle pieces together, the fight is worth it. 
and i stand with you.

—  k, love life and fight life. 
People leave you with memories. I think that is what makes loving again a lot more bearable. Because you may walk into a book store, you may try a new coffee joint, you may sing at the the top of your lungs no matter who is in the car. Sure the language of letting go is probably the hardest to learn but damn do you learn how wonderful it once was to love.
I like the idea that someday, through God’s perfect time–-we’ll perfectly run into each other’s arms again and might as well spend the rest of our lives together. I admit it. Lately, I’ve been dreaming about you; about us. I caught myself thinking about ‘us’ in future. And now, I don’t know why I’m still wondering. Isn’t it bad if I’m still hoping that we’ll end up together?
—  Getting my hopes up, again. // (L.M)
right now, your pillow smells just like you and your hands are as soft as butterfly wings.
right now, your mouth tastes like sunshine.
right now, your smile rings with poetry.
right now, we are talking and we are laughing and
right now, i am okay.
right now, i am looking at you and you are looking at me and i don’t want either of us to look away.
right now, i feel beautiful, i feel brave.
right now, the sky outside your bedroom window is turning blackish-blue and
right now, in this moment, i am so hopelessly in love with you.
—  Right Now by Auriel Haack

Remember her
at her best
when she is
at her worst.

Remember that
she is so much more
than her pain,
even though at times
it is all that she shows you.

Remember her
as she smiles;
the way her lips curve 
when she whispers “I love you”.

at the end of the day,
she will only remember how you loved her
when things were at their worst.

The only time it really mattered

—  through the rainstorms, bm