I honestly have no idea how to title this, or do anything regarding fan fic, so I’m kind of nervous (actually my first fic ever, kinda wrote it based on the fact that a close friend likes Solas and I like feels so I combined those and here we are)
“I don’t think he was ever planning on staying,” Dorian sighed, placing his book down on the table. The dimly lit library seemed to calm Lyra, as she was fond of coming to Dorian for advice. He was a close friend, and she sometimes needed an escape from the constant hassle of being the Inquisitor. She preferred spending her time thoroughly exploring Thedas to her heart’s content, searching for any history or records left behind by her people. At this point, she had been doing less searching for Elven artifacts, and more for Solas. It had been three years now, and there had still been no sign of where he had disappeared to.
“But, I just can’t seem to give up. There are so many questions I need to ask, so many things about our culture left unknown..” At this point, she knew that most people would give up. She had grown tiresome of the glares others gave her, wondering why she looked so tired. The truth was that she is tired, and hadn’t gotten a full nights rest between those three years since his disappearance.
“It’s been three years, and you still can’t understand why he left? You knew him better than any of us.”Dorian questioned Lyra, looking puzzled by her statement.“No, I had no idea. He told me goodbye before our battle with Corypheus, but I had no idea that he meant that he would be leaving us behind.” Dorian seemed genuinely intrigued by the fact that Solas left, but was also concerned for his friend. Dorian considered Lyra an irreplaceable friend at this point, and had always stuck by her. Even in this mess, he knew that she would come out strong.
“Well either way, when we find him, because I know we will, I’ll be sure to give him a lecture for once on how to properly take care of his farewells.” Dorian chimed, trying to light the Inquisitors mood. “You’d think with all that knowledge on the Fade crammed in that head of his, he’d at least be able to understand the concept of leaving a letter behind. It’s just the polite thing to do when you leave everyone and the Maker wondering where the devil you went!”
Lyra laughed, with a small smile on her face. “Thank you, Dorian.”
He knew that smile wasn’t the sign of actual happiness, but the Inquisitor’s way of saying to him “No really, I’m fine. I’ll figure all of this out. Don’t worry about me.”
Lyra stood up and stretched, looking outside the window. “Nightfall already?” She gasped, as if astonished she had been there for so long. Time seems to stop when she’s thinking about Solas, and before she knows it, hours have passed. “I must be going. Cullen has asked for me to spar with the troops tomorrow, in order to improve moral.”
“It’s either moral or the trebuchets with him, honestly.” Dorian sighed with relief. He’s sure Cullen isn’t just trying to improve the troops moral, but the Inquisitor’s as well. Maker knows she needs it.
“Goodnight, Dorian.” Lyra yawned, and started making her way towards the stairs.
She climbed down the stairs and walked through the room Solas often spent his time in when he was still at Skyhold. There were beautiful murals painted on the wall that depicted the Inquisitors journey and her story, which they mostly painted together whenever they weren’t exploring and discussing their culture. His tales of the Fade enchanted her with each word, and his knowledge over ancient Elven tales rivaled that of any keeper. His eyes always lit up with wonder and excitement when he told her of his journeys in the Fade, and she had always been intrigued by his stories.
There had been many times where she thought maybe it was time to give this whole thing up. He had told her that he couldn’t be with her, and made it absolutely clear that there would be no way for them to be together. But, when he told her she was unique, and that she was more important to him than he had ever imagined, she knew that this couldn’t be over between them. She couldn’t give up, no matter what her mind was telling her. She knew that her heart belonged to him, and him alone.
As she was making her way out of Solas’s study, she tripped over a book that had been left on the ground. She grunted as she picked herself up, and looked over to see what she had tripped on. The book was unfamiliar to her, and she had read every book in his study at an attempt to find any information on where he had gone. As she leaned over to pick up the book, Cole spoke.
“Pain. Make it stop. This aching in your heart that everyone sees never stops. He left without a word-”
“Cole?” Lyra spoke, shocked by his sudden appearance at the doorway to the main hall, preventing her from getting to her quarters.
“Soft. His voice was so soft. Everything he did was gentle. Now the softness is gone, he took the comfort with him. I thought I was unique to you. You left.”
“Cole, st-” the Inquisitor said painfully. She couldn’t handle hearing her thoughts out loud.
“You left without a word and you left me. You left, after everything. Gone, like the memories of the Fade you spoke so fondly of.”
She was starting to get angry, and before she could say something, Cole spoke again. “He said.. That there would be no time for the truth. He knew before the battle. He tried so, so hard.” Lyra was shaking. Did he mean Solas?
“He had always kept this hidden. No one should know his secrets, no one ever. He carries a burden that no mortal could bear to share with him. He left to spare you. He loved you.”
That last statement broke her silence she had held onto for so long.
“Loved?! He loved me, so he left? Without a word? Why did he leave?!” She was in tears now, gasping for air as though she was drowning in her own screams. “If he ever loved me, he would have left something behind! He would have left a hint, a sign, something to lead me back to him! But there was nothing! Didn’t he understand how much I loved him? I’ve searched for years when everyone else thought he was a lost cause! I’ve waited for his return to Skyhold, hoping for him to come back. I need him back! I can’t do this alone anymore! If he came back, I.. I would..” She softened her voice.
“I would have done anything for you, Vhenan.”
Cole leaned down to grab the book Lyra tripped over, and handed it to her.
“He left no hints, no maps, only this. Only for you.”
Lyra looked at the book. Left for me? “Cole, how long had you-”
But Cole was gone. Now she was left alone with her thoughts, and this book.
She looked at the book. Had Solas left this somewhere she couldn’t find? How did Cole know about this?
She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter now.” She whispered, her voice hoarse from shouting. She opened the book to the first page, and recognized the handwriting immediately. “Solas..” She could barely make out his name over the absolute shock. After all this time, she finally had a clue. She could answer the questions she once thought would never be answered. She held the book to her chest, and breathed in deeply, and for the first time in years, felt hopeful.