like i need to give you any DAMN warning … we all know how long and complicated game of thrones is, right ?? so strap in, grab some snacks and prepare to INDULGE in this twisted fantasy, full of swords, daggers and shit ton of unnecessary tits – which brielle seems to have too ( yes, i’m talking about you doctor wright ). with as many characters as the show has, i felt it would only be FAIR to try and give at least everybody spot in westeros and essos but prepare yourselves – the journey through the seven kingdoms is not for the faint hearted and nor is this blog. click the read more, if you DARE …
Tywin = Doctor Wright … let’s face the facts. the resemblance is UNCANNY ( and i don’t mean facially ). both are just as evil as gru from despicable me. we know there has gotta be a heart somewhere - it’s probably just buried in ya bucket fulls of CASH.
Cersei = Demi Rivers … kinda an evil bitch, kinda likeable. she is the character you love to hate. although we don’t wanna root for her, you kinda have to admit – she is an anti villain at their PEAK. insanely protective of herself, the definition of a bitch and ruthless.
Jaime = Jared Jones … as devishly handsome as he is, he kinda has a KNACK for inappropriate relationships. jaime is missing a hand, meanwhile, jared is missing a social life. i wanna see some bro on bro time. find this man his bronn, please !! i promise it’ll be worth it.
Tyrion = Dante Sweeney … quick witted, loveable, he is the god of tits and wine – although something tells me that dante might not swing that way. does the god of dicks and heroin work ?? tyrion is the one who should TRULY rule house lannister. i could see dante leading too, yano.
Joffrey = Adam Hedlund … i don’t really know adam ( or samuel, for that matter ) but he seems to be a conniving little thing. throw ya toys out the pram and sling the executioner your way if he’s having a bad day – VIBES. if only we could all do that.
Myrcella = Laurie Keller … so vulnerable – so PRECIOUS. myrcella is pretty and she falls in love but it’s her naivety that ends her narrative. laurie, lift ya head up chick and sotp being so oblivious to the world around you !! i promise, peter is out there somewhere.
Tommen = Charlie Swann … now, this is the boy that we all wanna SEE as king. i loved tommen’s five minutes on the thrown but unfortunately, he was a little weak and vulnerable – he didn’t have what it took to run the seven kingdoms, and yet we still loved him.
Ned = Cory Powell … likely to die first ( no offence, papa powell ). whilst we all loved eddard stark, honour got him killed – he chose his job over his family TOO but was also a giant fluffball with a gigantic heart and too much nobility over his shoulders. see cory, maybe it aint so bad.
Catelyn = Toni Rowland … says she’s fine with something when she is totally NOT fine with it. although toni is a motherfucking icon ( just like lady cat ), she seems to be just as bitter and capable of holding a grudge. she’s strong, protective and can own up to her mistakes though.
Robb = Sebastian Ramsey … oh, so NOBLE. part of the bro army with cory – but again, honour is what fucks you over in westeros. robb is the better looking one in the family if we’re going by whose easy on the eye and hello, we want him as the KING but we can’t all get our wishes.
Jon = Lance Whittaker … you know nothing, jon snow LANCE WHITTAKER. honestly, i love lance but he seems to prance around a lot, rather than taking his job serious. i’m actually yet to see him bust one of the naughty kids – let’s take into consideration how long it takes jon to kill a walker. too long !! can i also add, that just like the bastard boy, he’s pretty to look at too !!
Sansa = Camilla Pierce … been through the wars and come out on top – don’t you forget it. sansa is probably the one character with the most traumatic past and yet, she just cracks on with her responsibilities in guiding. not to mention her fiery hair which gives an uncanny resemblance.
Bran = Oliver Meyer … coma buddies !! was that a little TOO much ?? we know that bran was knocked out when he hit the ground but oliver just seems to fall asleep, like anywhere. if he was a princess, he’d be aurora because man, does that boy love to SLEEP.
Arya = Cecily Adams … don’t give her a sword because she will be MURDEROUS. if you don’t love arya, then perhaps you deserve to be here. cecily is just as sassy, cunning and clever. and if we’re being honest, i would totally watch her dance around with a little needle of her own.
Rickon = Olivia Aspinall … she is shy as shit. real talk. whilst rickon wasn’t particularly a huge character in the books, i suppose you do feel kinda sorry for him when that arrow is pierced through his chest. they’re both softly spoken and a lil doe eyed – it’s kinda cute.
Daenerys = Eden Mayer … mother of dragons – mother of everyone. need i say anymore ?? eden is your typical feminist, i can give you all of the f’s in the world. funny, fierce, feisty, fearless, FANNY … sorry, was that a touch childish ?? either way, we all love eden !!
Viserys = Atticus Darcy … me me me, blah blah blah. tic has this real southern charm about him which is the only thing that separates him from viserys. he is totally the kinda guy to sell his sister on for marriage if that means he can claim the title of king too. need anymore attention ??
Jorah = Simon Abbot … the guy with wise words, the guy who you think is good looking yet forbidden and all in all – a really nice guy, with a great accent too ( we saw that poor attempt at a british accent, gov’na !! ) simon, is there anything you’re NOT good at ??
Greyworm = Audrey Beaudair … easy on the eye, but just as loyal as your favourite pet dog. sit, catch, play dead ?? audrey can do anything – especially if it’s SIMON asking, i heard. it’s a little fucked up, dontcha think ?? that poor girl has been completely robbed of a life and only knows how to thank him for everything he’s done. oh, audrey boo – greyworm found light too !!
Missandei = Payson Saunders … now this chick will stick by ya side. payson, just like missandei, is the kinda girl that will be a HOMIE for life. not only will she be able to translate all of the shite that comes out of other peoples mouths, but she is just a people person who gets EVERYONE.
Brienne = Lavinia Margaery … we’re seen her as lavinia and we’ve seen her as carrie – i’m telling you now, i would NOT fuck with that. whilst nobody really knows WHAT she did, the stories are killer and that girl is a whole new definition of DEADLY.
Baelish = Ryder Willis … if we’re comparing the writer to the smartest man in game of thrones, it can’t go without admiring their way with words. sure, baelish is an evil shit but there is no denying – he is LIKEABLE. i’m sure with the right wit, ryder could con people too … his likeability could be used as a distraction, as well as his face. look at those dimples !!
The Hound = Jimmy Balon … hates his brother, is completely shunned aside, remains a warrior. we have to at least ADMIRE the hound for his consistency in attitude, spite and comedy. if you aren’t a fan of sandor clegane, then you know where the door is. fuck the king, right ??
Melissandre = Noah Brinrose … the girl whose hiding something – and boy, does she put up a good act. noah is definitely crazy enough to do some of the things that melisandre does, but regardless of this, we still ADORE the red witch. yeah, sorry noah, she’s a witch … a pretty one !!
Margaery = Elise Montgomery … easy on the eye, not as foolish as she makes out and secretly, is fully capable of running the country ALONE without the help of a man. don’t let me stop you, though !! i need some share of selise. if elise was queen, i’d become her personal jester.
Varys = Jackson McCreary … the master of whispers – knows things that even YOU don’t know about yourself. thinking about it, jackson could probably put up a pretty good argument, just like lord varys ( aka, the SPIDER ). sure, he’s creepy looking but an all time fav character.
Jaqen = Tara Clarke … a man of many faces. or more so, a woman with TWO faces. not everybody knows her game, but barbie does … she isn’t quite as intellectual as her resume paints her out to be but i’ll let you guys be the judge of that. secrets fill me with felicity.
Gilly = Dixie Laminer ... the one who ends up preggers in the end. sure, gilly is the daughter of somebody abusive and is just an accessory to samwell out of GUILT – she does know her shit. had sam not hushed her, she may have revealed robert’s legacy was a lie. something tells me that besides her doe eyed look, dixie is a dark horse. let a woman speak !!
Ygritte = Makayla O’Connor … a tough exterior with a gooey inside. ygritte was fiery – she was feisty but just as affectionate as she needed to come across as HUMANLY. makayla, i know you pretending to smile can be hard at times but let barbie assure you, it will always get you further.
Ramsay = David Patton … although ramsay is pure EVIL, he is also one of those characters that you love to hate. he’s the kinda person who plots out a revenge, just because they were more ENTITLED than him. now, that’s admirable – ambitious, even. i gotta give him that.
Shae = Lei Henare … two girls who experienced the same things in life, completely WORTHY of something much better. now, i love shae until she completely fucks with my baby, tyrion. i’m hoping that lei has a little more compassion for those surrounding her – i’m sure she does.
Oliver = Levi Wood … with his attitude issues and his missing mom and a dad who left, he definitely seems like the kinda kid that will grow up with daddy issues … kinda sad !! dont’t worry lil levi, barbie will take you in. just remember, oliver stabbed jon and now levi is running around with a sword. just make sure you keep using a stick levi, yeah ??