I’m sitting in a train
station about to go to Manchester and what have I decided to do? Write
about 2009 phan until my laptop dies, of course.
The train station is filled with a constant hum of voices,
from milling conversations to echoing announcements, but Dan barely hears them
anymore. They’d become ignored white noise hours
He gulps, jiggling his leg (a nervous reflex) and his thumbs
dance over his iPod screen, constantly skipping every song that appears on
shuffle because nothing feels right and he can’t concentrate on one song for
more than ten seconds.
He settles for a different distraction, pulling out his
phone and hastily tapping back replies to texts from family members he
should’ve answered hours ago – yes, he’s got to Euston alive, yes he’s had something to eat, and yes he’ll be careful and won’t get
eighteen and not eight, he’d felt like adding).
He glances up at the notice boards, although by this point
he’s pretty sure the neon glow of orange writing against the black background
is pretty much engraved behind his eyelids with the amount he’s been looking at
But his platform hasn’t been announced yet, and he’s nervous.
Nervous being the most astronomical understatement – he’d
lied to his mother about the food because he’s pretty sure anything he’d eat will
just come straight back up. He doesn’t do nerves, he can’t handle pressure and
stress well (the incident during the Nativity play when he was nine years old
still haunts him to this day), and although he’s sure he’d chosen the safe
route by turning away from the coffee and pastry stall, his vision still swims
But it’s worth it, he decides – at least worth more than
running off the stage crying the last time he’d been this stressed, but he
really doesn’t need to think of that now on top of anything else. He gulps,
glancing up at the row of notice boards for what has to be the fifty-seventh
time, and his heart thuds.
❝ I don’t really know how accepted I am. Nothing ever matters to me apart from the people with negative opinions. That’s literally it. That always drives me on to the next thing. It’s funny, you just focus on them and then the next movie. That’s the only thing you’re thinking about when it comes out.
listening to some kingdom hearts music and it reminds me of how poor cheren’s heart breaks in all those headcanons where touko dies between bw and bw2, and then he tries to stop Team Plasma himself in bw2 somehow, which is why he shows up at key critical moments during bw2 to help Nate and Hugh, like Opelucid City, the PWT, and the final raid on Team Plasma’s frigate. But then all those attempts technically ended in failure, so he probably started felt even worse that he couldn’t avenge Touko. Dearly beloved indeed.