Shieldhusbands

Hello Coulson-fandom,

do you remember the old cartoon “Totally Spies”? 

Originally posted by girl-fights

It is about three school girls who work as spies but still enjoy shopping and ‘girly things’. (*shhhh* it is a cartoon don’t ask about the plotholes)

Their handler is a guy called Jerry who loves suits

(Source)

can deadpan like nobody else

seems like a pencilpusher but is badass

acts like he doesn’t care about his agents but is a super softie

and is a nerd who loves video games.

So who else thinks this is Coulson in later years and who else wants a fic in which the girls meet his boyfriend and are shocked that their pseudo-grandfather has such a hot young guy on his side? 

(Also I think the interaction between Clint and the girls would be hilarious.)

Just two midwestern boys out on a stroll.

(Things I forgot were a thing until I started writing this: Tornado Alley. I also had a bit of trouble with this because I like, cannot accurately tell ages via appearances and I’ve never seen Clint’s age listed for what age his parents died/he and Barney ran away from the orphanage, so my apologies. In this he ran away from the orphanage at the age of 12, which seems a bit too old, but in order to like remember people, I feel like he would have had to have been a bit older…I don’t know.  Also: my rough draft for my major thesis is almost done. Hallelujah.

-Hannes)

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archiveofourown.org
rose nettles & foxglove - brawlite - Marvel Cinematic Universe [Archive of Our Own]
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
By Organization for Transformative Works

Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Relationships: Clint Barton/Phil Coulson
Characters: Clint Barton, Phil Coulson
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Magic, Witch Phil Coulson, Familiar Clint Barton, Mutual Pining, phil is a witch and clint is his cat familiar, phil has too much respect to treat clint like a pet, watch these two idiots be human disasters, Human Disaster Clint Barton, (only sort of not human), phil has concerns about power dynamics/imbalances, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint
Summary:

Phil Coulson has so much respect it’s practically dripping out of his ears.

Ugh. Respect is the worst.

Respect keeps Phil from treating Clint like a pet. He wouldn’t dare reach down and run a hand along Clint’s head like anyone might a regular cat, wouldn’t even think about getting at that spot at the base of Clint’s tail. Phil always scoffs a little when Clint deliberately rubs his cheek over Phil’s hand or his thigh, scent-marking his territory like the creature he isn’t quite. He doesn’t need to, sure, but it still feels right. And it feels wrong for Phil to treat him like another human being when he’s a cat. Even if he’s doing it to be polite.

~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°~°

This is so goooood go read iiiiiiit!!!!!!!!

(hey there everyone! sorry it took me so long to post my first thing, a lot of things happened this past week and I have had no time to do anything. my apologies! this also turned into more crackfic-ish than i originally intended. but yeah. warnings: steve/tony, natasha has 4 cats, mentions of past marriages, lesbian!natasha, and Coulson loves Clint’s cheesy puns  – Hannes ) 

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Everything’s Got to be Love or Death - A mix for Clint & Phil

“I love you sideways daily.
Sideways because I have to beam my love in all directions,
hoping it bounces off of something
and eventually finds you.” 
- Richard Siken, The Long and Short of It

(cover art by M. Walsh from Secret Avengers (2014 run))

01. Science/Visions - CHVRCHES 02. Next to Me - Civil Twilight / 03. Bloodstream - Stateless / 04. Rolled Together - The Antlers / 05. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs / 06. How to Embrace a Swamp Creature - The Mountain Goats / 07. And Then You - Greg Laswell / 08. Hounds of Love - Andrew Vincent / 09Slow Show - The National / 10. The Great Exhale - Great Lake Swimmers / 11. Wetsut - The Vaccines / 12. Float - The Neighborhood / 13. I know I know I know - Tegan and Sara / 14. Together - Patrick Wolf/ 15. More Than Life - Whitley / 16. I’m Here Now - Motopony / 17. Gospel - The National / 18. Death - White Lies / 19. (Bonus Track) The Great Escape - Woodkid

Phil watched the young man on the other side of the bars. He could see the look in his eyes. It was one he had seen many times before. The look of someone who didn’t think they had anything to lose. That maybe their life wasn’t worth much in this world. Clint Barton wasn’t a common criminal. Common criminals didn’t have proficiency with a bow that would put most Olympic atheletes to shame. Others saw a kid that should be locked up and forgotten. Phil Coulson saw potential that could be molded. Clint Barton needed someone to give him a purpose. 

Clint Barton was an arrow and Phil Coulson was the bow.

Clint/Phil - A Bureaucratic Nightmare

TitleA Bureaucratic Nightmare

Author: Mikey (AO3)

Rating: Explicit (NC-17)

Fandom: Avengers

Word Count: ~23.9k

Warnings: AU, hints of Dom/sub

Summary: As a child, Phil Coulson was vaccinated against whooping cough. In one version of the story, the vaccination held and he went on to become Agent Coulson, SHIELD bad-ass and Avengers liaison. In another, though, he was one of the few the vaccine doesn’t protect and he nearly died when he was ten, suffering permanent lung damage and recurrent asthma. This is the story of what happened after that.

Comments: So good!

Based on this prompt from otpprompts.

~~~~~

Phil was exhausted. The three days in the cheap, uncomfortable plastic chair at Clint’s bedside in Medical with no sleep were finally getting to him now that Clint was home and sleeping safely in their bed. Not wanting to jostle or wake him, Phil sat down on the couch in the living room, just for a moment…

Something was poking him. He frowned, swiping at his nose, still mostly asleep, but the poke came again. With something that might have been a mumbled, “stop it,” Phil shook his head.

The next poke was accompanied by a stifled giggle and then a gasp of pain, and Phil blinked awake, staring blearily up at Clint standing over him.

“Hi,” Clint said with a goofy smile, normally-sharp eyes clouded with painkillers. “Woke up to take a piss and you were gone.”

“Sorry,” Phil said with a yawn, scrubbing a hand over his face.

“Scoot over,” Clint said, vaguely gesturing with one hand. “I wanna lie down with you.”

“You have three broken ribs, a broken wrist, and a bruised kidney, and you are two days out from emergency exploratory surgery. You are not squeezing on the couch with me. Go back to bed.”

Clint’s face fell into a pout that should NOT have been cute on a man his age, dammit, Phil thought irritably.

“Can’t sleep without you there,” Clint mumbled, head drooping as he stared at his bare toes.

Phil stood up, carefully pulling Clint into his arms. Clint melted easily against him, wrapping his arms around Phil and burying his face in Phil’s neck.

“I just don’t want to hurt you,” Phil said, and Clint shook his head, poorly hiding a wince.

“You won’t,” Clint mumbled into Phil’s skin. “Please?”

Phil knew it was the drugs that put that plaintive tone in Clint’s voice, but it tugged at his heart anyway. Clint asked for so little for himself.

“All right,” he said, gently disengaging from the hug and catching Clint’s hand in his. “Come on.”

Clint’s smile was like sunshine, and Phil couldn’t help but lean in to press a quick kiss on Clint’s bruised lips before leading him back to bed.

They carefully arranged themselves in bed, and Phil knew Clint was hurting, no matter how many times he mumbled, “I’m fine,” but he was clinging tightly to Phil, unwilling to let go.

Phil brushed a kiss over Clint’s hair. “Get some rest,” he ordered softly.

“Yes, boss,” Clint said, yawning. He dropped off easily into a heavy sleep.

Phil tried to stay awake, but the feeling of Clint, safe in his arms, breathing deep and even, was comforting, and he quickly slipped back into sleep too.

END

First Sentence Soulmate AU

Clint’s says “because I’m a trustworthy guy,” and Coulson’s says “why do I feel like I can trust you, suit?”

After being possessed by Loki, Clint wakes up to his words scarred over and there’s a new sentence that says “Clint, please let me explain.”

Coulson wakes up from his near-death experience with his words scabbed over and a new sentence reading “How am I supposed to trust you ever again?”

(I apologize in advance for the setting of this fic, I just got done watching MCU!Deadpool for the fifth time. The final product ended up straying a little bit from the prompt, namely the ‘hawkeye case’ part. I hope it’s not too terrible.As always, a weird blend of comic and movie canon with mentions of comic canon!vanessa and mcu canon!setting. Enjoy. ;)  - Hannes)

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Clint/Phil - Unexpected

TitleUnexpected

Author: Morgane (AO3)

Rating: PG

Fandom: Avengers

Word Count: ~4.7k

Warnings: nothing to see here

Summary: When Phil becomes Natasha Romanoff’s handler shortly after her unorthodox recruitment, the last thing he expects is that the two of them will become friends – or that he’ll start spending a lot of his free time with the man who brought her in.

Comments: So lovely!

hawk!Clint and dove!Phil bc I had a serious need =v=;;