hey, kid. you look like a discerning young
you wanna learn some cool facts about animals?
I think you dooooo. c’mon back here into this completely unsuspicious alley for some absolutely legal dealings.
meet the Conch (pronounced kONK, because why not), a large marine sea snail found throughout the Caribbean. you can probably recognize them from their shells:
found in every beach-themed restaurant and etsy store on the globe
the actual animal is a foot-long snail with a habit of peeking out at the world in the manner of a man who wants to sell you the full set of counterfeit ginsu knives hidden in his trenchcoat.
available cheap, this week only!
unfortunately for the snail, their shifty ways and general gross snail-ness are no match for the fact that they are completely fucking delicious.
prized in the Caribbean for it’s lustrous shell and delicious delicious meats, the Conch is now threatened in most of its natural range.
look buddy, are you gonna buy these watches or what?
thankfully, some protections are now in place for nature’s scalpers. it is our genuine hope that they continue to hawk dubious goods at humanity for decades to come.