Sheed

Pong Farr

bad startrek au where vulcans play ping pong to facilitate their mental powers

mindmelds are spock touching kirk’s face with a ping pong paddle or if needed he can do it remotely by hitting kirk in the face with a ping pong ball

vulcan kisses, while widely thought to be two fingers touching, is actually two vulcans’ ritual ping pong paddles touching

once every 7 years vulcans are overcome by pong farr, a biological need to play ping pong with someone for days on end. if they do not, they will succumb to pong tow, ping pong fever. in the place of koon-ut-pong-if-fee a vulcan’s to-be-pongmate may either undergo the ping pong bonding ceremony or name a champion for them to play ping pong against, loser commits ritual pongicide.

in amok time, people know something’s up with spock when he starts randomly bouncing a ping pong ball against the science station. kirk saves spock’s life by spectacularly losing to him in a game of ping pong & pretending to faint after defeat. (he’s actually okay at the game)

it’s the REAL reason why vulcans are so touchy about offworlders knowing their “”“mating secrets”“”, they’d be the laughing stock of the universe if it was common knowledge.

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oh wait. forgot about this amazing specimen of irritation before when i mentioned starks: via

Rasheed Wallace is the gift to the NBA that keeps on giving. In the middle of New York’s win over New Orleans last night, Wallace shared some of his wisdom with rookie Austin Rivers.

When Rivers missed the first of his two free throws, Rasheed bellowed to the heavens the one fundamental truth of basketball, “BALL DON’T LIE.” Sheed has a history of doing this – he once even told an opposing coach the ball doesn’t lie – and so far the ball’s never lied. Sheed knows the ball won’t lie, so he does not need to play defense on Austin Rivers.

Now, you might be thinking “Rasheed taunted Austin Rivers! That should be a violation!” – but Rasheed did not taunt Austin Rivers. Rasheed “didn’t direct that toward nobody,” and he can yell all he wants. Ball don’t lie.

the other night sheed called out aaron afflalo of the magic as ‘afflac’.

next to kevin garnett, he might be in the running for the annual john starks irritating player of the year award.