Sexuality

today on the way home i started making myself really sad and crying because i was thinking about sex. i forget the exact trail of the thought process but it began with me thinking about how different i am from my friends, and that the reason i dislike discussing sex openly is that it reminds me that i’m not normal like other people and it makes me hate myself. which is not a fun feeling. and i thought about the boy and how nervous i am about what it’ll be like, because it’s only ever been okay with __ and no one else so far. and even though the art boy and i have a certain chemistry that i enjoy, it’s still scary because the thing is, i’m so used to being shy and nervous and i imagined myself talking to him about it out loud, in a soft voice, “i usually just stay still and very quiet and wait for the other person to be finished. they never seem to mind.” and i thought of times when i was like that–particularly the time when i cried during the act, and thinking about that reminded me of a conversation my friend and i had yesterday:

both of us are littles (don’t @ me) but it’s different cause she likes very clear children’s things and me, it’s more subtle and infused in my personality, like hers, but blended with this certain kind of maturity. i have a very maternal side, so it’s partially that. but i was explaining that because sex is so damaging and scary for me, my conception of myself as little is more of a protective thing. i want people to look at me and associate me with innocence and delicacy so that they will be disinclined to mistreat me. i tend to attract kind, protective men this way. but you know, i speak in this tiny voice and i don’t curse or say “bad words” and dirty talking is practically impossible–and for me, being little is like my safe space and trying to be sexual and little together is very scary to me, and any attempt to blend the two seems to hurt me emotionally and mentally. i think that’s what happened, the time that i cried? i think the cross between being small (because i was very comfortable in that role, with that person) and them wanting to have sex with me was very confusing and uncomfortable. so it’s scary to me, and the two need to be separate. 

but the art boy. i know him well enough to know that he would never let me be passive when it comes to that. whenever it happens, i need to enjoy it but i’m very scared, i think. i trust him but i just don’t have the confidence that i won’t panic or that i won’t be unable to enjoy it…and i’m scared of that happening. i’m scared of like, disappointing him. i’m scared that i could start crying, since that’s a thing now, or scared that i won’t know what to do. it made me think about how you know, i dress up for him all the time and i flirt and i’m comfortable with him, but one time he needed to paint me for a show and i had to basically be in like a bathing suit so that i could be a canvas and i changed out of clothes into that and felt very vulnerable and exposed, and it showed. “you look fine,” he said, as he starting painting me, and i took it as a reassurance and it was okay, but i was nervous you know, about my body and being in like no clothes in front of him and that’s the kind of thing i mean - in those kind of moments i revert to being shy and tiny. and it’s scary to think about. what if i do something wrong.

and so i just thought over some of the times i forced myself to have sex when i didn’t want to but the other person did, and times when i would have rather done something else instead even when it was okay…

and i’m like really glad that nothing has happened with the art boy yet, because i’m actually very scared about it except not because of him, but because of me. i know it’s important to him, in a way, and i don’t want to like, fall short in that area and i guess if i talk to him about it that could help, too. but for now i appreciate that there’s no pressure and there never has been, and that alone has made me feel safe with him. he values friendship as a foundation above all else, and i do feel like we’re friends, too. like he would understand. 

anonymous asked:

I'm sorry but your like the fandom's bisexual anthropologist mother so I wanted to ask you... My father left me as a kid, does that make my sexuality (bi-curious but lesbian ultimately) invalid? Am I oversimplifying my trauma by saying I'm queer?

First off, that’s adorable and I’m honored. lol

On to the important stuff, no. Nothing makes your identity invalid. However you choose to label (or not label) yourself is valid. If it’s trauma based, it’s valid. If it’s because you like one better than another, it’s valid. I’m not a big fan of the term bi-curious because of how it gets used against people who identify as bisexual, but there are people who use bisexuality as a stepping stone or for whom it really is a phase. Those people are still valid. (What isn’t cool is assuming that ALL bi people are using it as a stepping stone or that it is a phase for ALL bi people.) 

For your second question, I’m not sure I understand entirely. Are you asking if you can call yourself queer? (Yes. Regardless of anything else, you can always call yourself queer if you feel it fits.) I’m not sure what you mean by oversimplifying trauma. I’ve heard of many people whose sexuality was shaped by trauma and the desire not to associate with men because of the things they have gone through. I don’t think that is any less valid. I hope for your sake that you do find women to be a suitable alternative, that you aren’t causing yourself problems forcing yourself to be attracted to someone you aren’t, in which case there are also asexuals who identify that way because of trauma too. But ultimately it comes down to you. What do you feel comfortable with and which labels do you think fit you? Which ones feel like home. And it’s ok for them to change over time, too. 

If anyone wants to correct anything I’ve said, feel free to let me know… I hope this helps, though, and if I didn’t answer the question you were asking, send another rephrased? 

vine

It’s Not That Complicated 💗💜💙 by Thomas Sanders

Okay so I don’t think we can officially say Dan ‘came out’ (as gay, bi, pan, etc.) in his latest video BUT I do think it was a huge step for him. Several years ago he wouldn’t have even likely joked about his sexuality. Or if he did, he usually seemed pretty uncomfortable. 

Dan being comfortable with the topic of sexuality is a good thing, no matter what sexuality he actually identifies with (or if he doesn’t identify with one at all right now) =^.^=

What is Asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation, like heterosexuality or homosexuality, etc., but instead of being sexually attracted to men or women, asexual people are sexually attracted to no one.  This doesn’t mean we all hate sex or avoid it, it just means we don’t find people sexually attractive.

What is the Asexuality Archive?

The Asexuality Archive is a collection of all things Ace.  In these pages, I hope to provide a comprehensive and uncensored look into what asexuality is, what it means to us and how it shapes our lives.  My intention is to provide information that is approachable and informative, whether or not you’re asexual.

Projects:

What is Asexuality?:  A companion site, dedicated to providing information about asexuality in multiple formats, including pamphlets and slideshows.

Asexuality: A Brief Introduction: An informational book about what asexuality is, what it’s like to be asexual, and what people should know about asexuality.

An Asexual’s Guide To…:  A series of in-depth posts on topics that are typically wondered about, but are rarely explored in ace circles.

The Comment Section:  A series of posts that explore troublesome comments left on articles about asexuality, and tips for responding to them.

Articles and Information:

Asexuality 101

Asexuality in the World

An Asexual’s Guide To …

Ace Images

Asexual Life

Asexuality and Me

Love, Romance, and Other Relationships

Sex, Masturbation, and Other Activities

Quick Questions

The Comment Section

Ask An Ace Guy

North American Asexuality Conference

2

Kristen Stewart Opens Up About Her Girlfriend In Elle UK Interview (x)

“When I was dating a guy I was hiding everything that I did because everything personal felt like it was immediately trivialized, so I didn’t like it. We were turned into these characters and placed into this ridiculous comic book, and I was like, ‘That’s mine. You’re making my relationship something that it’s not.’ I didn’t like that. But then it changed when I started dating a girl. I was like, ‘Actually, to hide this provides the implication that I’m not down with it or I’m ashamed of it, so I had to alter how I approached being in public. It opened my life up and I’m so much happier.”

2

This Mom Is Thanking A Girls’ Clothing Store For Making Her Gender-Nonconforming Child Feel Welcome (x)

In her post, Sirois explained that her 10-year-old had been wanting to shop at Justice, a chain that markets its clothing as “just for girls,” since he was 4. Often he ended up enviously watching his older sister shop there.

One of the store’s managers, Stephnie, assured the family that “everyone is welcome at Justice.” Sirois wrote that on the Friday afternoon they arrived at the store, her son’s eyes were “huge and overwhelmed with possibilities.”