Seltzer

200-Year-Old Bottle of Seltzer Found in Shipwreck

Polish archaeologists have recovered one of the world’s oldest intact bottles of mineral water from a shipwreck lying on the bottom of the Baltic Sea.

Still corked, the perfectly preserved stoneware bottle was produced between 1806 and 1830 by Selters, one of the oldest mineral waters in Europe.

The 12-inch bottle was found during archaeological work on a shipwreck lying at a depth of about 40 feet in the Gdańsk Bay not far from the Polish coast.

Little is known about the wreck. Archaeologists called it F-33-31 or “Głazik,” meaning boulders in Polish. Indeed, its cargo of large stones suggests the vessel was probably used for transporting construction materials along the Baltic coast. Read more.

I want to talk about this scene for a moment because I think about it a lot and it perfectly encapsulates the baffling method of filmmaking and “parody” utilized by Friedberg and Seltzer. Disaster Movie came out in August of 2008, only two months after Kung Fu Panda originally was released. given the timespans of filming and production, when this was being made there most likely were only trailers of Kung Fu Panda and the knowledge that it was being released in 2008. While by no means excusable in terms of belonging in this film, people watching in 2008 would have at least had more leiway in understanding why Po was appearing because “oh. this movie just came out recently. i’m familiar with its existence.” but anyone watching in subsequent years on will be going “what the fuck is Po from kung Fu Panda doing in this movie? Where is the connection?” People not in the know of this film should be informed that only seconds prior, Beowulf was trying to steal the Crystal Skull from the protagonists. Remember movies that came out in 2007 and 2008? they certainly hope so! There is no buildup to this sequence or anticipation. No aforemention of a panda that knows kung fu or even any plot sequence that would sensibly lead into his introduction. he just literally walks right in and is immediately met with “Oh hell no Kung Fu Panda!” because they couldn’t even bother to research the plot or the name of the character beyond watching the trailer that included the name of the movie and the lines “Get ready to feel the thund-ah!” and thought “shit! this is coming out next year! we need to put that in our spoof movie!” 

-There is no reason for Po to be in this movie 
-There is no real parody or reference to the actual content of the film beyond just saying “yes this is the panda from Kung Fu Panda and he is going to do kung fu” 
-the directors/writers were so lazy and desperate to shoehorn in this appearance they didn’t bother even giving him a name beyond Kung Fu Panda
-Audiences will eternally be baffled as to why he (and every other cameo) is in this film beyond the small pool who watched in its initial release and had familairty only because the movies being “spoofed” were released within months if not WEEKS of this one. 
-also he’s going to beat up the princess from Enchanted 

you know how aspiring astronauts and astrophysicists study Armageddon as an example of how space DOESN’T work? I want to hold a fucking lecture series on these movies to teach how COMEDY doesn’t work.