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Ladies and gentlemen, some of the 100000 reasons why I will love the Lord of the Rings movies and the cast till the end of times.

I want a movie where literally everyone dies. Everyone. Like by some wild natural disaster or something.
It’s just like an hour and a half of showing desolated countries and cities and whatnot. There are no humans left.

And then, with thirty seconds of film left, Sean Bean crawls out from underneath the rubble of a fallen building and starts laughing.

The writers of Jupiter Ascending are having some trouble with plot:
  • 1: Guys, we can't decide how Jupiter is going to find out that she's royalty.
  • 2: *slides Cards Against Humanity to him* Pick 1
  • 1: *draws card* Sean Bean. How's that going to help?
  • 2: Pick another.
  • 1: *draws another* Bees?
  • 2: PERFECT
3

“A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of wolves and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight!”

-The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

So lets get this straight?

Jupiter Ascending is about an ordinary young girl who doesn’t have a father

who happens to find out that she is the reincarnation of a very important person

she finds out that she is in possession of something supremely precious and spherical that is sought after by many

her protector/ally/and eventual love interest is a man who shares DNA with the canine species

another ally who is snarky and is very deserving of the title “lone wolf”

they have to keep it from a very flamboyant villain who wants the precious for himself

and the two relatives of his with one having an agenda of their own

There, did I make my point effectively?!

Also then there is this!