Here’s a little something I wrote a long time ago when I took a physical chemistry class in college. I thought I’d share it here, just in case the three people in the world who like both chemistry and The Major General’s Song are here on tumblr and come across it. If you’ve never heard The Major General’s Song, watch the video above.
The P. Chem. Song
With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan*
By chelsie fan
I am the very model of a modern p. chem. genius.
I know dG subtracted from dH is rather tedious.
I know that pressure varies quite directly with the temp’rature.
Equations with twelve variables cause me no discomfiture.
And I know how to operate computers and thermometers
And ultraviolet, infrared, and visible spectrometers.
I’ve had so much experience with X-ray diffractometers
And HPLC’s, NMR’s, GC’s, and refractometers.
I’m very good with complicated pieces of machinery
And feel at home surrounded by the lab’ratory scenery.
I have deep understanding of the table periodical,
And all my calculations are painstakingly methodical.
And, you will note, I demonstrate a natural proclivity
T’wards Heisenberg’s uncertainty and Einstein’s relativity.
I’ve knowledge of those orbitals – atomic and molecular.
I know about determinants – the sacred and the secular.
I easily can calculate the secular determinant
And then the dipole moment, whether it’s induced or permanent.
I’ve riddles, puns, and jokes to tell and p. chem. stories numerous.
(The stories that I tell are most hilariously humorous.)
I find the whole idea behind p. chem. rather quizzical.
In short, I know my stuff in matters chemical and physical!
* For those of you familiar with Gilbert and Sullivan’s The Pirates of Penzance, you can sing along to the tune of the Major General’s song: “I am the very model of a modern Major General …” - see above video clip
Reblog all you like (please!), but if you’re going to use it for another purpose, please send me message and let me know. I’ll give you permission to use it; I’d just like to know what you’re doing. Thanks!