Rip Hunter and the Lost Plot

Okay, but what if Rip doesn’t have amnesia? What if he’s just lost? And for whatever reason the crew can’t find him the way they found everyone else? But all Rip knows is he’s trapped in the past without a time ship and for some reason they haven’t found him yet, but they must be looking for him, right? So he’s trying to help them out a little, like metaphorically sending up a flare. And by “flare”, of course I mean a whole run of terrible b-movies all based on the adventures of a plucky band of time-misfits and their dashing captain. Because looking at it from a future perspective he figures it’s probably easier to make a whole terrible cheap franchise than one, like, King Kong, and all he cares about is brand recognition, not making an actual masterpiece of the cinematic arts.

So here he is, making his terrible over-the-top movies and figuring that at some point one of the team is going to get off of the ship and be confronted with the existence of “Rip Hunter and the Time Pirates”, or “Rip Hunter and the Eye of Time”, or even the short serials, “Rip Hunter’s Space Adventures”, and after a little googling they’ll come and get him.

But… they don’t. And he’s going on seven of these terrible movies now and he’s running out of plot ideas and WHY HAVEN’T THEY SHOWN UP YET? 

And then they do find him, but it’s completely a fluke accident and they just stumble onto him somewhere and he’s asking them what the hell, why didn’t they come find him, how much easier could he have made it…?

And they’re all perplexed because, I mean, none of them even like terrible old sci-fi movies? Why would he think that would work?

And then Mick says, “Oh, man, if Snart were here he’d have shit a brick. He loved that kind of thing. Once when we were laying low after a job he made us watch every Ed Wood movie he could get his hands on. Plan 9 From Outer Space was his favorite.”

spoiler: please you can criticize star trek aos without wanting to erase its existence

Also my nutritiopractor said I can start having asparagus, onions, apricots, and mangoes again (just to test out how I’ll handle it), and he gave me tips on what to eat at a Chinese food place for Christmas and he loves Bioshock and Fallout.

If the dude weren’t married I’d kind of be in love.

“Out To Lunch” by Chris Malbon
(Inspired by 1986 “Little Shop of Horror”)