Scarleteen

anonymous asked:

I am a little confused on what might make or break someone being asexual. I know Libido is not sexuality. But sometimes it is really hard to figure out the difference. (At least for me) Especially having a higher libido. Many things can and do turn me on at random, but when it comes down to actual sex... I just loose interest. I feel like its almost a strange limbo between being Asexual and not, because the line is really foggy for me on what makes or breaks it.

WHAT SEXUALITY ENCOMPASSES:

SENSUALITY: your physical senses & your awareness and experience of them

INTIMACY: the ability & desire for emotional closeness with other people

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: your sense of being straight, homosexual, bisexual, or asexual

SEXUAL & REPRODUCTIVE HEALTH: one’s capacity or ability (or lack thereof) to reproduce & feelings and experiences with reproduction

SEXUAL BEHAVIORS & PRACTICES:  what we or others actively do sexually to enact or express our sexuality

POWER & AGENCY:  Power is the ability or capacity to do something, and can also be about strength or force, or the ability or capacity to exercise control over oneself or others. Agency is a sociological or philosophical term that addresses a person’s capacity to act: what a person has the right, ability or power to do.

more here (above, summarized)

SO BASICALLY: your sexual orientation can cross with your libido/sex drive (sexual & reproductive health/hormones) but it doesn’t determine it. If you experience sexual attraction to other people, you’re allosexual. If you experience no sexual attraction, you’re asexual. I have a fairly high libido myself (although it has definitely calmed down now that I am no longer a teenager), but I don’t experience sexual attraction, so I am asexual.

-Mod L

…well, that escalated quickly. I posted it way back at the end of 2014, it got reblogged by several BNFs in quick succession yesterday, and then it proceeded to rack up like 2,000 notes in one day, so apparently it still needs to be said:

Yes, you are allowed.

You are allowed to write the fic you want, rather than the fic you feel obligated to write. You’re allowed to write crack, crazy realism-defying stunts, self-indulgent trope fic, fucked-up fic about problematic people doing unhealthy things. Fic that doesn’t go through the pre-flight safety check for every swordfight and every BDSM scene, fic that glosses over the ugly real-life fallout of psychological trauma and/or jumping out of a quinjet without a parachute. Or, hey, if that’s your thing, fic that dwells on psychological trauma in loving, messy detail and has at least three punchlines about characters not being able to defy the laws of physics. Any of those things! All those things! We contain multitudes!

Any fic you write is probably going to be a net positive for fandom. The people who were looking for something in your niche get it, the people who didn’t know they wanted something in your niche discover a new thing they like, the people who don’t like it click the back button, the people who really really hate that entire genre of fic get to stroke their hateboners and get high off their own self-righteousness.

If it upsets people? The back button is a failsafe and instantaneous safeword. If it’s not as ~quality~ as other people’s fic? Don’t make me break out that “holy shit! TWO cakes!” comic. If someone takes away a disturbing, unhealthy, or otherwise less-than-wholesome message from your fic? You are not responsible for their failures of critical thinking or reading comprehension, to say nothing of those reading with outright malice looking for something to pounce on after interpreting it as uncharitably as humanly possible. Jesus fucking christ, it’s fanfiction, if people legit want sex ed they should be on Scarleteen. It’s not your job to educate them, certainly not with your fic. It’s not. It’s not. Fic serves so many other purposes. You are allowed to write what you want.

anonymous asked:

Wow. So you honestly think a woman who seeks out relationships and sex with men can be lesbians? Unfortunately for you words have meanings. Lesbians are only attracted to other females. The term you were looking for was bi.

I think that people who identify as lesbians sometimes fall in love with men, yes. It happens. Sometimes people can be deeply invested in the queer community and in identifying a particular way, and then something happens that makes them realise they need to widen or change their identification. I think the important thing is that the original asker feels empowered to pick a label that describes their desire accurately, and also helps them feel comfortable making relationship decisions that truly make them happy. I’m not interested in policing their usage.

Since this is a historical blog, let’s look at the historical context for a bit:
There is certainly a long history of women who are primarily or exclusively attracted to other women seeking out relationships and sex with men for a variety of reasons, such as protection, cover, income, children, a desire to fit in, and so on.

If you look back over the history of the term lesbian (we’re talking the noun, not the adjective here, so ‘a lesbian’ not ‘lesbian’ as a descriptor for behaviour), it originally meant ‘person from Lesbos’ in English (and indeed, that’s still one of its meanings). In the late 19th century it began to be used as an oblique way to refer to Sappho (who came from Lesbos), and through her, to sexual and erotic desire between women. This became less and less oblique as time wore on. By the early 20th century it had become a blanket term applied to any woman who felt that kind of desire (although still less popular than other terms like invert and sapphic). How these ‘lesbians’ felt about men or what they did with them went unmentioned or was seen as irrelevant.

In the second half of the 20th century, as the queer community became more public and experimented with language and reclaimed words, it became an identity label, and the meaning became more specific. It was usually applied to women who exclusively or primarily felt attraction to other women, and had romantic relationships with other women. (Or women who wanted to identify that way). Some pretty heavy policing went on in some circles, with terms like ‘gold star lesbian’ gaining currency. But the term has always been a bit woollier than some people would like to admit, mainly because human sexual behaviour is woolly and complicated. As sexual researchers will tell you, almost no one fits neatly into one box.

My preferred definition of lesbian is the one Scarleteen uses: “The sexual orientation of a woman who is sexually and emotionally attracted only or mostly to other women.” It honours the historical and modern meanings of the term, the flexibility of desire, doesn’t police who we’ve had sex with, and keeps the focus on who we’re attracted to, not who we’re excluding.

anonymous asked:

Our sex ed teacher told us that masturbation, porn, and having multiple sexual partners depletes your dopamine and oxytocin levels so you will have trouble bonding with others and finding pleasure in sexual stuff ever again. It made me really afraid to try masturbation and sex. Is what she said true?

Nope not at all. There are so many things that cause a release of oxytocin and dopamine. Not only sexual activity, intimacy, child birth and breast feeding but also hugging, being charitable, being in social situations, laughing, exercising, talking to people, certain foods, deep breathing, petting and playing with animals, getting a massage, singing, competition, gambling, playing games, yoga, acupuncture, the list goes on and on. I’d like to quote an article on scarleteen (http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/heather_corinna/2010/08/04/pump_up_the_voleume_talking_oxytocin) that if that teacher’s logic was true then these statements would also be true: 

  • Mothers who deliver by C-section or who do not breastfeed will not be able to bond to their children.
  • Post-menopausal women have a decreasing ability to bond with other people. (Grannies are gonna love that one.)
  • Massage therapists can’t pair-bond because they touch too many people.
  • Mothers who deliver or breastfeed more than one child will be less and less able to bond to subsequent children.
  • Because birth apparently creates the biggest oxytocin surges we know of, women may bond with anyone involved in their birth. Good news for obstetricians!
  • People who have and care for pets will be less able to bond with other pets or people.
  • People who sing in choirs or bands may as well be having orgies for all the oxytocin they’re hurling around.
  • People with autism may not be able to bond to anyone, ever

Masturbate and have sex as much as you want! Hug all the people! Get all the massages! Pet all the animals you can find! Smell all of the babies! Laugh all the time! None of these things will “deplete your hormonal levels” whoever thinks that really needs to take a class on biology.

-FYSE

dystopiance  asked:

I have a question I'm not monogamous / poly in a relationship with cishet dude but I'm queer and have a crush on a femme person any advice how 2 talk 2 crush about being non-monogamous but in a relationship slash genuinely open/want 2 know her

Hmm, that’s a good question. This is something that probably most poly people will have to face at some point? – the whole “Hey cute person, I’m in a relationship, but lol don’t worry it’s cool” conversation that feels so much more awkward because society hasn’t set a precedent for it yet.

Unfortunately, I don’t have personal advice, since that hasn’t happened to me yet. My general advice is always “Be open, be honest, etc.”, but that’s pretty vague and so much easier said than done.

So instead, I’m going to turn you over to some of my favorite resources. Scarleteen is a wonderfully real resource about sex, health, identities, dating, etc. intended for teens and people in their early 20s. I used this website all the time when I was younger, and I loved it because it doesn’t bullshit young people. Seriously. It gives young people the advice they need in a language that works for them. If you’re under 18, definitely check them out.

The Poly Weekly podcast is my other favorite. Readers – this is one of my favorite poly resources. It’s a free podcast that you can access online or on the Podcast app, and it’s hosted by a lovely, charming, quirky woman named Minx. It’s intended for adults, largely because the types of relationships they discuss are relationships that adults (and usually not teenagers) tend to have, like marriage and cohabitation. Definitely recommend for anyone in their early 20s or older. From quickly scanning a few titles, hopefully at least one of these will be relevant to your situation:

  • #470: “Do I have to date my species?” (On dating someone who is monogamous)
  • #439: “How to come out to your social circles” (I’m like 99% sure from listening to this before that this addresses your problem)
  • #405: “Testing the poly waters with a monogamist”
  • #390: “How to date a girl” (For bi/pan/queer girls who are already in a relationship with a cisdude)
  • Some slides on Poly Dating

Lastly, the website More Than Two is super legit, and they have a whoooole bunch of info on lots of different topics.

I hope one of those resources helps you out! Good luck!

anonymous asked:

hey do u know any trans friendly sex ed resources?? preferably not like obviously sexual from the url because i have to use a school computer. i just 1) dont know where else to find sex ed that doesnt make me dysphoric and 2) when it comes to non p in v sex i have no idea what im doing. thank u!!

@hellyeahscarleteen, @outforhealth, @plannedparenthood

they all have their own websites under the same name (except the first, that is just scarleteen). scarleteen is more sex-ed focused, outforhealth and planned parenthood are more reproductive-health and safe-sex focused, but they are both still really great resources.

-emma

Hive mind! I need website recs. 

The situation: 9-yr old daughter maturing physically, still emotionally a kid. They don’t get sex ed at school until next year. 

The current status: have had Talks, will continue to have Talks. Also have the ‘It’s So Amazing / It’s Perfectly Normal’ books, have looked at Girlology together. 

The request: I hit puberty long before the interwebs, and only know a little of what’s out there. Her laptop is locked down like Fort Knox, but I’m whitelisting some sites for her to do her own reading. I’ve got Scarleteen, Girlology and Planned Parenthood bookmarked for her - what else is out there? 

1. Must not be Christian-based. We’re Jewish, for one, and I don’t believe in forced premarital chastity. Anything theological re: Purity is deeply inappropriate. 

2. Must be LBGT friendly. Must. 

3. Must be factually based / fact checked.

4. Emotionally appropriate for a kid whose body is moving a lot faster than her brain. Scarleteen is too advanced, really, but I want her to have access to explore - nothing more heavy / higher age range than that. 

5. No Tumblrs or Facebook communities, please. She doesn’t have social media access yet. 

Any recommendations? 

Just a reminder...

….that while our focus is on sex and relationships, ultimately, we exist to support and advocate for young people. So if you find yourself in a jam due to your government, or feel scared because of scary changes in the world, we’re here for you. Feel free to use any of our direct services. In the event you need something different than we offer, we will be glad to help you find it.

If you’re in the United States, you can even put our text hotline # into your phone, just in case you ever need it. It’s (206) 866-2279.

anonymous asked:

Hi! I'm 15 and I've recently kind of realized I would be open to being in a polamory relationship. Atleast I think so But I think I should do some research 1rst. Is there any websites I should read? Or any specific questions I should ask? Thank you!

I’m a big fan of MoreThanTwo.com and the polyamory tag on Tumblr. There’s also some basics on Scarleteen, Wikipedia, and Everyday Feminism. If you can get your hands on a book, I recommend Sex From Scratch and Opening Up. There’s all kinds of resources and communities for exploring this stuff online and off.

Also, just keep thinking about what you want! Be in relationships and see what works for you and your partners! Don’t feel like you have to know right now exactly how you want every relationship for the rest of your life to work! And don’t feel bad if you think you know and find out you actually want something different! And take “life advice” from people who are still in their twenties with a grain of salt.