*tries to play catch* *throws baseball way too hard* WELL DON'T STAND WHERE I'M THROWING
"Hi hungry, I'm dad"
"So what's the 411? What's the get down with the get down? What's on the DL?"
*driving kids to soccer game in mini van* "Does everyone have their juice boxes and snack packs? Check. Alright, now does everyone have their game faces on? chECK !"
*pulls out a 2nd graders yearbook* okay son, now you point out and tell me about the kid that was calling you names cuz someone is gonna learn a lesson ta-DAY"
"Son, what did i say about going into my study?!" *looks at room dedicated to star wars action figures and collectables* "These are NOT toys, they are NOT to be played with. Do i make myself clear?"
*at the country club* oh shit, i was suppose to pick up the kids
"Damn it Nelson, I told you to stop pulling your sisters hair. If you make me pull this car over you will be sorry you were even born yoU LITTLE FUCKING SHIT *pulls car over*
*drinking bourbon and wearing sun-visor with fake hair on top" "it's lit yall"
*talking to 5 year old child* "I don't play. I was kicked out of kindergarten because i don't fucking play. So let me know when you're ready to start acting like an adult."
*at PTA meeting* okay so listen to this guys. What if we put all our kids together, gear em up in superhero uniforms, and start the revolution"
Aries: The cheerleader. most likely blonde, clumsy, and is the second one to die, with their boyfriend following a few minutes after
Taurus: The whats-their-name. Is the first one that dies, introducing the killer to the audience. they’re only on the screen for a few minutes, three of which they were dying. if their name does get mentioned, its largely forgotten
Gemini: The oblivious parent. for some reason is a-ok letting their child just leave the house whenever when there’s a serial killer up and about. doesn’t die but should
Cancer: The killer. no one suspects them. silent, smart, but not the most effective. litteraly could have poisoned them all and be done with it but nooo you had to be dramatic and get dressed up in a costume with a ineffective weapon. always ‘dies’, but somehow always lives to make a sequel.
Leo: Ms. AHH! always screaming at the littlest thing. jumpy, small, and probably a girl. is the 5th person to die, tripped while they were screaming
Virgo: The jock/ cheerleader boyfriend. Energetic, a little dumb in the survival area, and is the third one to die looking for their girlfriend.
The heavyweight. party animal. while at a party, after drinking a keg, they went outside. NEVER GO OUTSIDE. is the 7th to die.
Scorpio: Useless cop. not to say all cops are useless but JEEZ. WHEN PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT SEEING A KILLER MAYBE MAYBE LOOK INTO IT AND NOT DISMISS IT BECAUSE THEYRE KIDS. doesn’t die, but dang, sure is useless when it comes to listening.
Sagittarius: The main character. the only one with any sense, not a lot, but some. doesn’t die and sticks around for the sequel.
Capricorn: The idiot leader. is brave but reckless. ‘lets go after a killer! yeeah that sounds great!’ suggests splitting up and runs after a killer who has a weapon. is the 4th to die.
Aquarius: the comic relief. somehow, someway makes a joke out of everything. most likely teases the other characters by pretending to be the killer by jumping out at them. is the 6th one to die.
Pisces: cheif investigator.isn’t as useless until the very end, where they show up and help the main character take down the killer in the last few minutes. doesn’t die, but a good lesson is to try to be more helpful BEFORE the last minute!
the sagittarian’s last breath would be a song. life is a masterpiece, a sketch of games and discovery, philosophical meaning and true joy. music never stops, there is a sort of colourful madness. their mutable quality gives an airy lightness, a cool duality and chameleon dynamic, the smell of sunshine pollen in the morning wind sagittarians possess the alchemy of far sighted intuition. there is sensible, reasoned, and righteous sagittarius who is adept with the laws of psychology, human nature, and the spirit. the individual understands they are the piece on the puzzle of god. then there is also the chaotic sagittarius, who gorges in excess and refuses to believe beyond eyesight. something can be explosive in sagittarius, a force to be reckoned with, one which can also be quite conservative and easily rattled. all mutable signs are hard to pin down in some way or another. sagittarius is capable of developing profound mystic riches. but they can also refuse to embody the duality of them that is pure spirit, and to be contained in human form is poisonous
Aries: Don’t ask so many questions. You know what to do. Don’t think, feel.
Taurus: Philosophy you can’t live is useless. The true test of an idea is experience.
Gemini: You can read the clutter in your room like tea leaves, what do they say to you?
Cancer: Some people are stunning like a fine evening gown. Some people are stunning like a fine evening gown made of human hands. Your affect is yours to decide.
Leo: Relieve your stress by screaming wordlessly into the night.
Virgo: Titanic effort does not success make. You can saw your dinner table in half with an olive fork but all it will get you is a trip to ikea.
Libra: Something you said yesterday activated the communist sleeper cell in your sock drawer. Its join or die, comrade.
Scorpio: “Lost” does not necessarily mean “lost forever”. Things have a way of working their way back into our lives. The wheel turns.
Ophiuchus: You remember an activity book from when you were very small. It holds the answer.
Sagittarius: If you heard your own voice would you recognize it? No reason, the stars just want to know if you own a gun or not. Stay inside tonight.
Capricorn: I asked the stars for your fortune but they handed me a Three of Swords from a Tarot deck and asked for more goldfish crackers. Divination isn’t my strong point, but I have returned with more crackers.
Aquarius: If you have to force them to feel it, it isn’t love.
Pisces: When the levee breaks, all you can do is go with the flow.