SWIM-TEAM

Why Every Stroke is Actually the Worst

Written by a swimmer

Butterfly: Honestly I shouldn’t even need to explain this but…it’s exhausting, your arms feel like noodles after 50m, you’re constantly hitting the lane line and/or other teammates with your arms, and if you want to take more breaths you have to take more strokes.

Backstroke: First of all, you always get water up your nose. How, you ask? This is the stroke where your face isn’t even underwater, so that’s impossible! Wrong! All the water splashing around you ends up in your face and it’s terrible. Also you can’t see in front of you so it’s easy to plow right into the lane line/the pool side/your teammates.

Breaststroke: Even though you’re swimming at a normal pace it feels like you’re going soooo slow. If you’re out of practice the motions also feel really unnatural sometimes. And circular leg strokes = kicking your teammates.

Freestyle: Pressure to be fast because it’s the easiest stroke. Plus, you get to breathe the least of all four because you can’t (well you can but you’re not supposed to because it’s slow) breathe each stroke.

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    Коротко о том, как эволюционировали призы за неофициальные соревнования по плаванию. Не то чтобы я жаловалась, но при вручении подобных сувениров невольно вспоминаешь начальную школу, где деток поощряют наклеечками и брелочками.

   Вывод таков: моя единственная медаль - деревянная. И если встретите человека в убогокепке “swim team”, то вероятнее всего вам довелось узреть меня.

MAJOR swimmer problems....

These definitely needed to be addressed.

•having to take a piss right before getting up on the block

•heaters broken

•wet swimsuits (oh gawd…)

•waking up at some ungodly hour all in the name of swimming

•the stench of chlorine is stuck to you. 24/7/365

•400 IMs

•tangled hair

•broken goggles

•broken swim caps

•faded/stretched suits

•getting water up your nose

•the 12 days of Christmas

•no breathers

•getting water in your lungs right when you need to breathe

•tired all day afterward

•swim life = no life

•holiday practices

•going to a competition and the water is colder than a witch’s tit

Compliments swimmers will never get. And if they do, they are blessed…
•”Your hair looks great!”

•”You smell really good!”