when a bi girl says they don’t want to be mislabeled as a lesbian, or want their relationship misidentified as a lesbian relationship, it isn’t because we hate lesbians and don’t want to be associated with them!! it’s because we are tired of being erased from our own narratives! it’s because we don’t want our voices to get lost in the crowd like they have so often before!
it’s because if we “let it slide” now, then in the future when that same bi girl is dating a man, the same people that assumed she was a lesbian will now assume she’s straight and it was all some sort of experimentation phase!!
it’s because there are a myriad of differences between being a lesbian and being a bi girl, between lesbophobia and biphobia, between the issues that the lesbian community faces and the bi community faces!!
it’s because we’re constantly referred to as half-lesbian and half-straight and we’re tired of it!!
it’s because someone made a comment on one of my bi girl posts about how “bi girls are technically lesbians since they’re sometimes into women”!!
it’s because we apparently aren’t allowed to call ourselves gay, but the rest of the l/g community is allowed to erase us and mislabel us as lesbian/straight, and call the lgbta+ community the “gay community”!!
it’s because when bi people let themselves be mislabeled as gay/lesbian because we don’t want to rock the boat, later on we’ll be accused of faking or “switching sides”!!
it’s because bi representation is constantly mislabeled gay or lesbian and literally co-opted away from us–see: freddie mercury, a bi man, and sappho, a bi woman!!
it’s because kirk/spock is a “gay” relationship and korassami is a “lesbian” relationship even though none of the individuals involved are gay men or lesbians, but the use of those terms explicitly erase their bi-ness and allow people to override it!!
it’s because “biphobia is just misplaced homophobia” even though that has literally been proven to not be true, and is just a convenient silencing tactic that allows lgbta+ people to get away with being biphobic!!
it’s because we are not lesbians and we would prefer if you used our actual terminology rather than misidentifying us just because you can’t be bothered to get it right!!
it’s because our attraction to the same sex is fetishized by everyone, straight and l/g alike, while our attraction to the opposite sex is labeled “compulsory heterosexuality”!! it’s because our attraction to the same sex is questioned and attacked by straight people, and our attraction to the opposite sex is questioned and attacked by the l/g community!! it’s because whenever we bring that up, we’re labeled lesbo/homophobes and debated and ignored!!
most bi people are very understanding when we are assumed to be either gay or straight, depending on who we are dating. we will simply correct you, and most of us won’t even get upset if you mess up a few more times. but when yall literally know we are bi and choose to misidentify us anyways just because you can’t be assed to realize why it bothers us–or even worse, label us lesbo/homophobic just because we don’t want to be misidentified, fuck yall tbh
and this goes for bi boys as well!! they are not gay!! they are not suffering from compulsory heterosexuality!! they are bi, so call them bi!!
and this goes for non binary bi’s as well!! they are not gay!! they are not straight!! they are not sga (unless they’ve agreed to that term)!! they are bi, so call them bi!!
if you aren’t bi, and you aren’t offering to support bi people no matter what our gender or the gender of our partner(s), you aren’t allowed to comment on my posts about bi issues. idc if you’re straight or not, you’re still not allowed if you aren’t bi/pro-bi. that’s it, i’m sorry. some things just aren’t for you.
also like i’m sorry that i’m tired of seeing an entire aspect of my orientation getting constantly attacked by the same people who tell me how “cute” me and my girlfriend are, or how much they love wlw–but they hate men, so like fuck mga girls who are attracted to them. and yes! i know it’s not systematic!! i know society pressures girls to date guys!! i know there is no shortage of m/f relationships in media!! i know!!!
but speaking as someone who has spent years convinced that i had to have one or the other, that i couldn’t be attracted to both, that bi was just a phase and i was just experiencing compulsory heterosexuality or experimenting with girls etc etc etc, and hearing all of these things from straight and l/g people alike, it still bothers me!!
it bothers me that so often i follow a wlw-positive blog that will post about how “het-paired bi girls need to get over themselves” or not bring their partners to pride, or don’t count as bi visibility. it bothers me that so often i see posts calling bi girls gay or straight depending on who they’re in a relationship with, and when one of us brings it up suddenly we’re homophobic or we need to “calm down” or it turns into some idiotic ship war just so they can ignore the real issue.
i got two messages today about how calling bi girls lesbians isn’t bi erasure, and how i should just say i hate lesbians since that’s easier. the fact that yall can look at posts criticizing bi erasure/biphobia and immediately leap to “op must be homophobic” says volumes about this community tbh and how yall treat bi’s.
so like yes, karen, i know that i could delete this blog or log off and go outside and not have to see those biphobic posts anymore. but it bothers me that they’re there in the first place, and this is my blog, so i’m gonna fucking talk about it!