SORRY-IF-t-looks-TERRible

5SOS - He cheats and regrets it (his POV)

I’m really sorry this took me forever to write but I hope you all like it and also sorry if they’re not all the same length but anyways tell me what you think or request stuff that’d be hella awesome! x

[his P.O.V.]

Calum: I was walking. Just walking and listening to the sound my feet made every time they met the ground. I had absolutely fucked it up. A car drove by as I stuffed my hands even further down my pockets. But it had only been an accident. Right? Even if it was, would she forgive me? I put one foot in front of the other, not caring about what people thought when they passed by and saw my face. I must’ve looked terrible. I was so sorry.

I didn’t mean to do it. But I and the boys had been on tour and I had missed (Y/N) so much, so the boys had decided to take me out to a club to take my mind off things. That hasn’t exactly been the best idea. Of course we drank something at the club. Maybe it was too much, yeah it definitely was. Then this girl came over to me, she looked exactly like (Y/N). Her hair was the same beautiful colour and when she smiled her eyes crinkled exactly like (Y/N)’s always do. She had the same eye colour and the same dimples that always make (Y/N) look absolutely adorable. When I took that girl home that night, I didn’t think a lot, the alcohol had taken over my brain and I guess she hadn’t been less drunk than I had been.

But the next morning had been the worst of my life. All the memories came back, flooding my brain. I had never felt so much regret in my entire life.

I felt a rain drop hit my nose and another one on my cheek. I just kept walking, what else was I supposed to do? I still remember (Y/N)’s face when she had found out. I remember her mascara running down her cheeks and I remember that it didn’t make her a single bit less beautiful. Her facial expression was a mix of hurt, sadness, anger and pain and the sight of it made my heart feel like it was breaking into a million little pieces. I hadn’t seen her since that day, it must’ve been at least a week ago now.

By now my clothes were sticking to my body and my hair wasn’t as fluffy as it normally is anymore, but I just kept walking. Some rain drops hit my eye and my vision got blurry. I regret everything about that night so much. I need her in my life and I need her to know that. The wind blew my soaking wet hair in all directions as I took the three steps to the familiar front door I had walked through so many times, it felt weird having to wait for someone to open it for me.

I looked up as it opened slowly, revealing (Y/N) standing in front of me. Her hair was a complete mess, she had no make-up on, her face looked extremely exhausted and her eyes were red and puffy. At the sight of her I wanted to do nothing more than have her back in my arms and hug her, tell her everything’s gonna be alright.

I looked directly into her eyes, as I saw a tear roll down her cheek. “(Y/N), I’m so so sorry”

Ashton: I stumbled over the doorstep of the house I shared with the boys, threw my jacket in the corner, took my shoes off and threw them away as well and took a deep breath. I made my way towards the living room as I tried to hold back my tears, but after what had happened it was impossible not to cry. “Ash? You’re back?” “How did it go” I heard Michael and Luke’s voices as I shuffled towards the couch, where calum was sitting, eating out of a bowl full of cereal and milk.

As he looked up and saw my face, his expression changed in a matter of a second. “Hey mate. Didn’t go well, huh? Come here have some cereal” he said, holding the bowl in front of my face. I just turned away and sat down next to him. My mind was completely blank. “Ashton, it’ll get better, you just have to wait a little” Mikey said, letting himself fall down on the couch next to me. “Yeah, I know you guys, you can’t live without each other. I know she’ll forgive you” Luke tried to cheer me up, but all those words didn’t really reach my brain. All I could think of was the fact that (Y/N) and I weren’t together anymore and it was alone my fault.

I couldn’t manage to say a single word but instead I just put my face in my hands and pulled my knees to my body. Calum rubbed my back comfortingly while my three best friends looked at each other, trying to figure out what to do. “I think you should sleep over it, Ash. I’m sure tomorrow everything will be much better already” Luke reassured. I felt another tear escape my eye. No, it won’t be. Without her it will never get better. Never in my life I’ve felt this empty.

“Should we call (Y/N)? Maybe if we explain things she’ll forgive you.” Mikey asked, already reaching for his phone.

“Thank you so much, really guys.” I finally managed to get out with a weak voice. I was so glad they were here, who knows what I would be doing right now if they weren’t. “Of course, mate” Michael said while dialing (Y/N)’s number. “Hold on, I’ll get you some cereal and it’ll get better” Calum jumped off the couch eagerly and walked towards the kitchen.

“You know Calum, cereal doesn’t solve all problems!” I shouted after him, and I even felt a weak smile appear on my face.

Luke: “Luke? C’mon mate, you need to eat something at some point” Calum sat down on your bed next to you, holding a plate with some food on it. “Go away calum” I grumbled, burying my face in my pillow. “Only if you promise to eat something” Calum insisted. “I’m not hungry” I murmured.

Maybe I was hungry, but the emptiness inside of me has made me practically emotionless. It was indescribable, I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to disappear from all the pain or turn back time to the point where everything was okay and (Y/N) was still happy to see me and be around me. It was my own fault, but I regretted what I had done so incredibly much. I had cried all night and I didn’t get any sleep at all. My lack of sleep didn’t make the situation any better and Calum didn’t either. I know he just wanted to make it better but he wouldn’t be able to do that anyways.

I pulled the covers over my head and a second later I heard Calum groan and the shuffling of his feet as he left the room.

I cuddled even tighter into the pillows as I felt another tear escape my eye and I caught myself wondering how much a person could cry before there’s no tears left anymore.

Suddenly someone pulled away the covers from my body, making me shiver. “The ‘Bathing - yourself - in self – pity-time’ is over now!” Mikey shouted as he took my arm and pulled me towards the edge of the bed. “C’mon Luke, we’ll get your mind off things now and don’t you even dare saying no now!”

I pulled myself up with the little power I still had left and carried my body downstairs behind Michael. As we reached the living room I saw Cal and Ash sitting on the couch, a big bowl of popcorn in front of them and some drinks standing on the couch table. I felt a little smirk appear on my face. They could be such idiots, but when I need them they’re always here and that’s what I’m thankful for.

I sat down next to Cal as Michael put in a movie to watch. “You’re gonna eat something now, aren’t you?” Calum asked, shoving the bowl of popcorn into my hands as I chuckled quietly.

Michael: “Goodnight! And don’t think too much about it mate” Ashton shouted before driving off with his car and I made my way up to the front door of (Y/N) and my shared flat. I had fucked up so bad and this time there was no explanation and I had no idea how to make it all good again.

As I unlocked the door I heard the shuffling of feet from upstairs. She had left this morning when she found out about it, but I supposed she was back now. I took one step after the other and went upstairs to where the noise came from. The door to our shared bedroom was slightly opened and I could see (Y/N)’s figure inside of it.

“Hey…” I started as I pushed the door open, but when I saw (Y/N) shoving her stuff into a giant bag I immediately went quiet.

“Michael… I can’t…” she managed to say, but then she stopped talking too and I noticed how red her eyes were and how exhausted she looked. I felt nothing but regret at the sight of her.

I thought back to when we moved in this flat and we didn’t have a bed for three days because none of us could figure out how to set up the bed and we had to sleep on the mattress on the floor, but we both didn’t care because we had each other. I still remember us standing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, I was only in my boxer shorts and she wore my flannel over her underwear, and we tried to make pancakes, but we failed and they burned, but all we did was laugh. I still remember how every night we would be laying in our bed, whispering sweet little things into each others’ ear before falling asleep.

And that was the point where I realised how much I needed her in my life. I can’t manage my life on my own I need someone as weird as me to be with me all the time.

“(Y/N)…I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to make it better” I said quietly, looking down on the ground.

“You can’t make it better, it has already happened. I just… I just need some time on my own, okay?” she said as she wiped away a tear from her cheek. She closed her bag and picked it up, walking towards the stairs. I followed her slowly. In that moment I just wanted to turn back time and start all over, but I couldn’t.

She was right, it has already happened. Before she could walk out the door I called her name and she turned around. “do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive me?”

Her face looked so hurt I just wanted to hug her and make it better but after all it was my fault right? “I don’t know Mikey… I just need some time okay?” she replied unsurely.

“I love you, you know that?” That was the last thing I said before she left the flat and my world.

Me and Sebastian today!
He’s so sweet! <33
When I went up I didn’t realize how sloppy my handwriting was on my sticky note and i was like “ohmygod I’m so sorry if you can’t read my terrible handwriting” and he looked at it and smile and said “shayna?” and he actually pronounced correctly unlike everyone else hahah
Okay when you get to the end of the table you can take a picture with him.
And then lady literally took a picture of the table and tried to send me on my way.
I was like “Uhm you just took a picture of the table and not of me??” and Sebastian overheard it and looked at me and then back at her and then went in for the picture and he was just so nice and I was so happy.
The picture came out great!

It’s sort of unprecedented to have @oprah tell you that you CAN’T do something. Sorry @oprahmagazine we can #rockthecrop and look terribly chic. Thanks for your amazing round up @styleit

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