SOCIAL PRESSURE

10

Sisters, don’t be afraid to DEFY GRAVITY.

GO FOR IT!

Being vegan is easy. Are there social pressures that encourage you to continue to eat, wear, and use animal products? Of course there are. But in a patriarchal, racist, homophobic, and ableist society, there are social pressures to participate and engage in sexism, racism, homophobia, and ableism. At some point, you have to decide who you are and what matters morally to you. And once you decide that you regard victimizing vulnerable nonhumans is not morally acceptable, it is easy to go and stay vegan
—  Gary L. Francione
you don't have to earn the right to like things

It’s ok to like things. In particular, it’s ok to like stories, and it’s ok to talk about liking them. It’s also ok to write things like headcanons, fanfic, and happy rants about how awesome your favorite character is.


Every story is problematic in some way; that’s not necessarily the most important thing about a story. Which things are and are not dealbreaking is deeply personal.


You don’t have to earn the right to like things. In particular, you don’t have to listen to endless commentary about how the thing you like is actually terrible. You don’t have to talk about it actually being terrible every time you mention the thing.

It’s important to be considerate of others and not try to pressure others into liking the thing you like. Just as it’s ok for you to like it, it’s ok for other people to find the problems dealbreaking.


It’s ok to like something. It’s ok not to. It’s not ok to be a jerk about it.

This is why I build walls.
  • Me: -Crying. Alone. Upset.-
  • Friends: Stop being so dramatic, you're such an attention seeker. Get over yourself.
  • Family: I know you're a teenager but that doesn't give you the right to sit around feeling sorry for yourself. When I was your age I just had to get on with it. Don't be so pathetic.
  • Society: Just stop trying. You're never going to fit in anyway.
  • Teachers: We need to have a talk about these grades. You have to work for it or you're going to fail life. You don't want to fail life do you?
  • Peers: God, look at you. You're a mess. Pull yourself together.
Shout out to Americans adult who won't be voting today

If you’re an American adult, there’s a lot of intense pressure to vote right now.

And I know that, for all kinds of reasons, a lot of you won’t be able to vote today. And all of you matter too.

Some of you may be unable to travel to the polls.

Some of you may have been convicted of a crime (rightly or wrongly).

Some of you may have been declared mentally incompetent by a judge.

Some of you may not have been able to figure out how to get a ballot in time.

Some of you might be at home taking care of kids with no one available to watch them so that you can go to the polls.

Some of you might have abusive partners who are preventing you from voting.

Some of you might be avoiding a stalker who knows your polling location.

Or any number of reasons.

Voting is important, but it is not the end all and be all of civic responsibility. If you for whatever reason aren’t able to exercise your right to vote, you’re still an American, you’re still an adult, and your voice still matters. (And if you’re neither an American nor an adult, your voice also still matters.) You have not failed or forfeited the right to have an opinion on political issues.

Whether or not you vote today, you matter and it’s good that you care about things, and it’s ok to keep caring about things.

When they warn you about peer pressure in school they tell you about drugs and alcohol; they tell you about people offering you weed or beer and telling you ‘all the cool kids are doing it’. They talk about peer pressure like it is obvious and so easy to spot that you can joke about it when it arises among your friends. 

What they don’t tell you is how it can be a subtle and consistent othering. What they don’t tell you is that ‘no thanks’ is never the end of it. What they don’t tell you is that its not always about drugs or alcohol. 

No lesson on the dangers of peer pressure includes the feeling of ‘outsideness’.  They never teach you about the self-consciousness when all of your friends are drinking and laughing and gently teasing you about being the ‘parent’. It’s not always a forceful pressure and they don’t always mean to press on you. but even the strongest stone can be carved away by drop after drop of water. 

No one warned me about the peer pressure that comes with being the only one who doesn’t have a crush. No one warned me about feeling ashamed and anxious about being the only one who had never been in a relationship. No one warned me how being a virgin and feeling kind of grossed out by the idea of sex would make knots in my stomach when I talked about the ‘top ten celebrities I’d do’ at sleepovers. 

No one warned me about the peer pressure that comes when a friend in my social group had a crush on me. No one warned me how uncomfortable I would be with it, or how much my friends would tease me about never having a boyfriend, or tell me now was my chance, or exclude me from group dates. No one warned me that my friends would tell me I was heartless for not giving them a chance, or they wouldn’t speak to me again if I didn’t date them because it was cruel for me to not to give them a chance when we were friends and they were into me. 

When they warn you about peer pressure no one warns you that you can be cornered into doing things you aren’t comfortable with or don’t want to do by people you trust and it doesn’t always have to do with ‘what the cool kids are doing’ it can be as subtle as being different because in school being different is pressure enough. 

Figure of Speech

Every time I speak, I interrupt.
Whenever I get the nerve, I fail
and the general flow I disrupt.
So I recoil, becoming pale.

I should shut up, nothing to add,
Apologizing again and again.
Didn’t mean to make you mad.
I’ll make sure to stay in my brain.

I’m more comfortable in the background
It seems like people are hard to reach,
Maybe I just shouldn’t be found.
Maybe I’m a terrible figure of speech.

The assumption that “most women are innately heterosexual” stands as a theoretical and political stumbling block for many women. It remains a tenable assumption, partly because lesbian existence has been written out of history or catalogued under disease; partly because it has been treated as exceptional rather than intrinsic; partly because to acknowledge that for women heterosexuality may not be a “preference” at all but something that has had to be imposed, managed, organized, propagandized and maintained by force is an immense step to take if you consider yourself freely and “innately” heterosexual. Yet the failure to examine heterosexuality as an institution is like failing to admit that the economic system called capitalism or the caste system of racism is maintained by a variety of forces, including both physical violence and false consciousness.
—  Adrienne Rich, Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence 
4 Key Differences Between Introversion and Social Anxiety

Being introverted and having social anxiety are two different things.

1: Introversion is born. Social anxiety is made.

Introversion is a part of your inherent personality—a from-the-womb, dyed-in-the-wool trait. And while those who are socially anxious also carry a genetic predisposition toward it, there’s more than just temperament at play. In an indelicate analogy, genetics loads the gun, but experience pulls the trigger.

Two things happen to make us socially anxious: the first is learning. One way or another, we learn—mistakenly!—that we don’t measure up to scrutiny. We might absorb the worries of a parent who frets about what the neighbors think, internalize the social pressure to be “outgoing” when we’re anything but, or be seared by a social trauma like bullying. However social anxiety works its way into our brain, we somehow grow to believe at a young age that people will judge us and find us lacking.  

The second ingredient for social anxiety is avoidance. We bolt at the end of the meeting so we miss the ensuing small talk, feign illness so we don’t have to go to the holiday party, or stare at our phones whenever we feel nervous, all of which keeps us mired. And, of course, we hide in the bathroom. We don’t get the chance to discover this social stuff isn’t as bad as we think and maybe, just maybe, we got this.

Read rest @ https://introvertpalace.com/blogs/news/4-key-differences-between-introversion-and-social-anxiety-1

youtube

Savannah Brown is a brilliant woman. I only wish that I had been able to gain this wisdom as young as she is. Ming blowing.

Transcription of her poem:

When I first learned that no one could ever love me more than me, a world of happiness previously unseen was discovered because somewhere along the line of aging and scrutiny and time, I was taught to despise myself. But I made sure I kept myself beautiful so someone would love me someday, so I could belong to someone someday, because that’s the most important thing a little girl could ever want, right? I was 13 the first time I was embarrassed about my body, of course it might not be the last, and I remember stuffing my bra in the morning, tears stinging my eyes, hoping, praying to something that I could look beautiful enough today, braces and all, for the ruthless boys who mercilessly told me I was worthless because my boobs weren’t big enough. And I would go home and put on a sweatshirt with my eyes closed, deny myself the right to be shown myself because I didn’t dare want to insinuate beauty in regards to something so insulting as my body. But, I mean, we all end up with our heads between our knees because the only place we’ll ever really feel safe is curled up inside skin we’ve been taught to hate by a society that shuns our awful confidence and feeds us our own flaws. And sometimes when I need to meet the me that loves me, I can’t find her or remind her that the mirror is meant to be a curse so that I could find her in my mind, but when he or she shouts, “Let me out!” we’re allowed to listen. But it’s met by a chorus of conceited, egotistical narcissists. But since when was self-substitute a sin? Since when was loving who we are made an offense by morons that don’t matter? Change this physicality and that one. Don’t you dare shatter the illusion that you could ever be anything beyond paper-fine flesh and flashy teeth and fingernails. A code of accusations of not good enough, never good enough. Have you ever felt so numb that it hurts? Entertain me. You can’t surrender to them. You’ve gotta remember that you’re the only thing you’ll ever truly have. And no, I don’t mean your body. Because someday that will go bad no matter what you do. I mean you. I mean the way your bright eyes go wild when you smile and how your laugh is so melodic it’s a song. I mean the way your creativity is a compass that leads you to what you love. And you don’t need any miracle cream to keep your passions smooth, hair free, or diet pills to slim your kindness down. And when you start to drown in these petty expectations, you’ve gotta re-examine the miracle of your existence because you are worth so much more than your waistline. You are worth the beautiful thoughts you think and the daring dreams you dream, undone and drunk off alcohol of being. But sometimes we forget that because we live in a world where the media pulls us from the womb, nurses us, and teaches us our first words: skinny, pretty, skinny, pretty, girls, soft, quiet, pretty, boys, manly, muscles, pretty. But I don’t care whether it’s your gender, your looks, your weight, your skin, or where your love lies. None of that matters because standards don’t define you.You don’t live to meet the credentials established by a madman. You’re a goddamned treasure whether you want to believe it or not. And maybe that’s what everyone should start looking for.