One of the most bizarre lines I see antis use is that if fans depict the characters being mad at each other, a ship must be bad. I’ve seen antis argue that if shippers depict two characters bickering a lot, it’s got to be unhealthy. If that’s true, then my two closest friends, both of whom I’ve known for 15 years now, are in an abusive friendship with me, because we bicker and snark like it’s our second language. And believe me, as someone who has been abused and has known abusive people, there is no comparison.
Like…kids. Listen. Fights and getting mad happens in all kinds of close relationships, even healthy ones, and it’s not always the ~quirky misunderstandings~ you see in sitcoms or manga. Disagreement happens. Getting annoyed happens. Getting pissed off happens. No, it’s not healthy to fight a lot, but arguments do happen, even to the best of us. This is especially true if both people are particularly strong-willed - and a lot of people love ships that have two very strong-willed personalities.
An old art teacher of mine once told me that his first screaming match with his wife as a married man was over the colour of a damn coffee cup. She thought it was blue. He thought it was green. They’ve been happily married for 30+ years now. They laugh about it now and tease each other about the cup occasionally. That’s okay, too. Sometimes even the worst arguments are truly ridiculous and you look back on them and laugh or find it endearing. Sometimes, the arguments are serious, but you can still look back on them and smile because you learned more about the other person and your relationship became deeper.
There’s a serious misunderstanding of what abuse or abusive people look like on this site, and it seems especially rampant in anti circles, who take fairly simple ship tropes and conclude that they’re abusive. It really goes to show just how little they know about the variety and complexity of human relationships. If you look in a ship tag and see character A annoying character B, or both characters glaring or yelling at each other, that doesn’t mean the shippers are romanticising abuse - it means they’re exploring a natural part of any relationship which, when it occurs in that particular ship, happens to interest them.
If you’ve been abused, it can be incredibly easy to see something negative or rough in a ship and have an immediate gut reaction to it because it reminds you of unhealthy behaviour. I still reflexively flinch if someone raises their voice with me. But it’s important to remember that not every raised voice is an abusive voice; more often than not, it’s just a raised voice, and that’s okay. Similarly, shippers depicting arguments doesn’t mean abuse is being glorified.
tl;dr, stop reaching