All that shines is not gold- My first POT date
Deceitful. Sickening. Raging.
The list could go on but long-story-short: My first POT date was a disaster.
If you follow me, you got a glimpse of my encounter with Wine. PHD holder, government worker, wealthy, exhaustive traveler, and widowed. (I fact checked all the information and he didn’t lie about any of it, not even his name and position- everything was a 100% real). He was so polite and charming during our text and call-exchanges I thought he may have been my first SD. ( all conversation posted previously) But darling was I wrong.
He chose a fancy seafood restaurant, gave me several options to choose activities from, suggested picking me up - while mentioning that if I felt more comfortable meeting up there he will be totally understanding (I was not about to get in his car for the first meet-up). Everything seems to scream SD material… but as I learned: All that shines is not gold.
First, let me provide you with context.
-He is Fat - Hairy - Smelly and ugly. But he got money so oh well? Next.
-The restaurant is in a white suburban DC neighborhood. Keyword: white. I was literally the ONLY black person there. And Lord knows it was crowded. They all stared at me like I didn’t belong there. The woman at the table right next to us even told her husband “ look at her. It’s sad. What wont they do for money. No self esteem.”(she did not care being heard. Our tables were literally 2inches apart.) But I looked amazing ( not to sound obnoxious : I dressed up the part ) so I just fooled myself into thinking that’s why I got stares. Next.
-I paid for my own uber( i know it’s stupid but if you read my previous posts you will know why and how that happened - it doesn’t make it any less stupid tho ). Okay. Now let’s really Next.
-He is awkward. He would just pause in the middle of the conversation and just stare at me for the longest. I mean stare like he was about to snatch the soul out of me. It creeped me out.
-He is racist. Literally. Racist.
This man kept talking about how big my hair was ( I am natural and I would not go through heat damage for any man - so I wore my curls out -).
He told me how he likes that I am foreign because “Black - Americans tend to have a different attitude. They don’t smile as much. They are just… different than you Black foreigners” (his words)
I argued that given the racial history of this country , it was hard to smile and rejoice given the treatment of our people. I said our to make sure he understood that I was Black too, and that I wouldn’t tolerate his devising bias.
He did not get it. He proceeded to explain how I have a misunderstanding of the US history because I was a foreigner ( maybe just maybe my perspective had to do with me being black and not foreign? But whatever)
This man talked about the Civil War for half and hour - claiming how Virginia is the eldorado and George Washington is the brightest man to ever walk this earth. He then tried to argue how the Civil War was about patriotism rather than slavery.
I was done. There is only so much I can take and at that point I just zoned out.
Luckily he stopped talking - Until he grabbed my hand to “ look at my nice manicure”.I was so disgusted I had to pull my hand away ( of course I pretended it was to grab my drink as I offered my biggest smile )
- He kept talking about his exes. He showed me pictures of the two girls he dated after his wife died , to only slander their character. He will say stuff like" I am glad you are so knowledgeable about X Y and Z, my ex knew nothing about it. She thought I was boring . But she was just clueless, unlike you"
- He mentioned his deceased wife the whole time. I understood it as grievance - until he affirmed “ Sometimes relationships die down. But Barbara ( his wife) had cancer. I never cheated and I don’t think she did either. At least not in the last years of our mariage.” Idk but for him to talk about his wife like that? After 23yrs old of mariage? It just bothered me.
- He kept discussing about not wanting labels and exclusivity ( as if I did LOL) . He would mention how his ex was prude and kept asking what is my (sexual) experience with men. I laughed it off and answered “enough to know my worth” That shut him up
LAST BUT NOT LEAST- YOU KNOW I HAD TO HIT YOU WITH BANG.
Remember how I said it was a fancy sea-food restaurant. Guess what?
-When the server presented us with the cards, e said : “ We will take the brunch option ” EXCUSE YOU? Why would you bring me to a luxury sea-food restaurant if you did not plan on paying for luxury sea food.
I was looking forward to having oysters and crab. Thanks God I know how to keep a poker face because if stares could kill - he would have died right there.
Needless to say I was so pissed. As soon as we finished eating I told him I couldn’t stay because I had exams to study for. I thanked him for the time and ordered my uber back even before the bill came ( rude I know but I pretended I mistakenly clicked on the order button and couldn’t cancel in fear of being charged ( that way I had 3mn left to gtfo ). He didn’t suspect anything. Was super happy and suggested we see each other again blah blah)
I smiled, grabbed my bag - and while I was midway through the restaurant. He got up and halfway screamed “ I will take a hug now” I froze. Everybody was looking at us. I was never that embarrassed in my whole life. I had to kick every ounce of pride out of me to walk back to him, and give him an hug and a genuine smile as the whole restaurant looked at me in disgust ( I was disgusted to so I don’t blame them)
I still sent him a text thanking him while in the uber. He kept mentioning how he was generous and didn’t mind paying and taking me out or traveling with me and that he will be eager to see me again.
That’s when I figured I will test him to see where to go with this. I thanked him again and politely asked “ Would you mind compensating my uber fare of today? I don’t necessary ask because people generally offer but I would really appreciate it”
Guess what? He said “ I offered to bring you back ”
I was blown. The conversation went on for a while and I was so fed up I just said “ Yes or No? No explanations, no prerogatives. A simple answer would do”
He said: I cannot paypal you your uber fare.
That’s when I dismissed it.
How does one pretend to be generous and giving but will argue for 30 mn about how he can not paypal me a simple uber fare ( the conversation was so much longer than that - I will post it next because I am too lazy to write more than I already did)
I said : Thank you and stopped answering.
He then told me he is willing to give me 20$ cash when we meet next. Only half of the 40$ i asked for ( I actually paid 23 buck but rounded it up to 40 LMAO )because I didn’t mention prior to that he had to pay for my uber ( is he stupid?)
I still haven’t replied back! I don’t think about seeing him again even if that means loosing 20bucks. I will consider that a lesson- an expensive lesson but a lesson still.
I wonder why he is so cheap because he does have money ( fact checked his job, linkedin, average government salary)
I am just mad I invested so much time reading about nuclear safety , behavioral changes and stalking him that long just to impress him and get nothing but a brunch back.
This was my first POT date ever and if they all end up like this- the bowl may not be for me. Smh
What would you do if you were me babes?