12 hours in an emergency room'll give you such a crick in the neck.

● if you can’t quote Aladdin word for word we aren’t friends.

● jk we probably already aren’t. I have like 2.

● charity and me have been here for almost 12 hours and so far they’ve given her a pill and a sprite. It’s like all the parties I went to in high school all over again. It’s the Mormon. Give her a Sprite!

● Does anybody get decent messages on dating sites? I’d join one to find out but then I’d probably be expected to date someone and that’s not happening.

● I always wonder why people get mad when they misrepresent themselves and then someone doesn’t want to spend more time with them. I’m a gross mass of nauseated particles and I assure you my dating profile would portray that. I’m not trying to fuck anyone here so you all get the Photoshop blinders. You’re welcome.

We went through the drive thru to get some Chicken nuggets for Mia on the way home and I asked her which piece she wanted. I want the a lot piece. Okay West Collins. Do you want so many of the sauce with that.

Every time I post a photo of my son someone always says WHOA he’s tall yep everyone in his whole family is except me. Nobody under 5'11. I got the  short and the fat you don’t think I wear heels because I look good in them do you? jk yes I do.

Also people assume he’s really good at basketball. I love him but he’s not. Tall does not equal Shaq. no Shazaam remakes in his future. 

My kids hate eating out and I never got to as a kid. I don’t get it. My first fast food was a 6 incher when was in 8th grade had I known it would be a paltry 3 inches for the rest of my life, I would have gone for the foot long.

I told the kids they got paid $25 a day for their 9 hours a day neuroscience camp and they were all like We’re GONNA BE RICH. They are going to love minimum wage. 

I’m back home and my kid is still sick but I have to wait 12 hours before I can bring her back if she hasn’t kept anything down and her fever hasn’t broken. Is that 12 hours from when we got there because that would just be right now…