Ruffian

2

The ladies are not having it.

An amazing art trade between myself (the boyz) and @sncinder who did such a cool job with the ladies. Please enjoy the Illyrian Ruffians showing off for the Ladies of the Night Court.

(click for bigger pictures)

An Unconventional Alignment

Context: The Lost Mines of Phandelver Starter Set, just after the Sleeping Giant tap house battle with the Redbrand Ruffians.  Playing D&D with my little brother and father.  My dad’s character’s alignment is Lawful Good.

Dad: “I decapitate the two dead ruffians, tie their hair together, and drag the living one in front of the Redbrand hideout.  I throw the heads into the burned-out ruins of the manor and bellow, ‘This is what happens when you mess with adventurers!  If you want the same fate, meet us as The Stonehill Inn!’  And I thrust my greatsword through the captive ruffian’s back, and it explodes out the other side of him.“ 

Me, the DM: "What is your moral alignment again?" 

Dad: "My alignment is Fucking Pissed!”

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INDIE SONGS THAT EVERYONE LIKES

1. In the Sun by She & Him

2. Such Great Heights by The Postal Service

3.Eighth Avenue by Hospitality

4. Lets Go Surfing by The Drums

5. Submarine Symphonika by The Submarines

6. Two Weeks by Grizzly Bear

7. Fader by The Temper Trap

8. The Wire by HAIM

9. Soft Shock by Yeah Yeah Yeahs

10. Come Home by Chappo

11. After The Disco by Broken Bells

12. Overdose by Little Daylight

13. My Number by Foals

14. Holiday by Vampire Weekend

15.Silver Lining by Rilo Kiley

16. I’m Good, I’m Gone by Lykke Li

17. In / Out by Dan Croll

18. We’re From Barcelona by I’m From Barcelona

19. Soul Meets Body by Death Cab For Cutie

20. Elevate by St Lucia

21. Gobbledigook by Sigur R¢s

22. Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) by Arcade Fire

23. Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains) by of Montreal

24. Wraith Pinned To The Mist And Other Games by of Montreal

25. Someday by The Strokes

26.Read My Mind by The Killers

27. Home by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros

28.Better Times by Beach House

29. Kids by MGMT

30. Trojans by Atlas Genius

31. Mountain Sound by Of Monsters And Men

32. Take A Walk by Passion Pit

33. My Boys by Taken By Trees

34. Bruises by Chairlift

35. 11th Dimension by Julian Casablancas

36. My Moon My Man by Feist

37. Lisztomania by Phoenix

38. We Turn It Up by Oh Land

39. Daylight by Matt and Kim

40. Animal by Miike Snow

41. I’m A Lady (Feat. Trouble Andrew) by Santigold

42. Permanent Hesitation by Born Ruffians

43. The Ghost Inside by Broken Bells

44.Unbelievers by Vampire Weekend

45. Harlem by New Politics

46. 1234 by Feist

47. Young Folks by Peter Bjorn & John

48. You, Me and the Bourgeoisie by The Submarines

49. That’s Not My Name by The Ting Tings

50. Chelsea Dagger by The Fratellis

51. Afternoon by Youth Lagoon

52. Go Outside by Cults

53. Actor Out Of Work by St. Vincent

54.French Navy by Camera Obscura

55. Tongue Tied by Grouplove

56. Crazy by Au Revoir Simone

57. Fidelity by Regina Spektor

58. Cameo Lover by Kimbra

59. Float by Pacific Air

60. Houdini by Foster The People

NSFW

THE CONTEXT: I’m currently DMing for the first time and we’re totally doing a run through of the lost mines of Phandelver, We have finally made it to the red brand ruffian encounter at the sleeping Giant, my little troop decimated them but left one alive to interrogate. After getting the information they needed, my rogue decides to break their neck.

Rogue (OOC): So I’m going to snap their neck.

Me: Okay, roll a strength check I guess?

Rogue: [rolls a 1]

Me:

Me:

Me: Okay, So you gently choke him  and he jizzes in his pants.

Earlier the Rogue had received some Ale from the Sleeping Giant
Rogue: (OOC):  I roll to drink my ale 

Me: You don’t ha-

Rogue: [rolls a 1 AGAIN]

Me, rolling with it: You miss and dump the whole thing on your face, you are now covered in jizz and ale

After several minutes of my team trying and failing to put the poor sod out of his misery, (a constant array of poor rolls, all 1’s!!) the Rogue finally manages to roll a nat 20.

Me: Okay,,, You snap their neck so hard it ends up turning to mush, just a total crumpled flesh soda can. Yuck. There is now jizz, ale and blood, everywhere

Rogue: I walk into the sleeping Giant and say “Clean up on aisle porch” Mic drop.