Royal New Zealand Ballet

04/06/16: Introduction!

I finally got around to posting my first entry on this mumblr, and I have to tell you, I’m really excited! I’ve been meaning to do so for a while now but moving and just *life* got in the way. Well, I guess I’ll start by introducing my little family and I! 

I’m Isabel, but you can call me Izzy if you want! I’m 24 years old and am the lucky mama of Kiara, who just turned two a few weeks ago. She’s an absolute sweetheart and I don’t regret having to leave Royal New Zealand Ballet when I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant with her (well, almost, ahaha… I miss being a ballerina!). At first the news was absolutely horrible because it meant giving up my lifelong dream to dance, but now I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I love Ki to bits and I can’t wait to document her adventures on this blog!

That’s Ki’s dad, Noah. We met in Wellington when we were 16, when I was there training at RNZB. My life as a professionally studying ballerina made it pretty hard for us when we began dating, but 6 years on Noah and I have an adorable baby daughter (no matter how accidental Ki’s creation was…) and we are engaged, so I guess we did something right! The date for our wedding is in spring this year, so just a few months away. 

Since I became a wedding planner after Ki’s birth you can imagine that I am more than excited for the day to arrive! I’m going dress shopping soon, too, so maybe I’ll do a post for that. 

We live in a cute little town near Christchurch (my hometown) now, which we picked out because of the gorgeous beach and quiet atmosphere. The locals are so friendly too, and it’s culturally diverse too because New Zealand is well, New Zealand. It’s close enough to the city though so I can visit my friends and family all the time. And since it’s winter here, we’ve been lucky to have lots of snow days lately, which Ki just loves! 

That’s it for now, I think. I am super excited to see where this blog goes, and to meet new people, especially from around the world. Hopefully I can make a little post about Kiara in a few days, so I’ll see you then!


Royal New Zealand Ballet

Liam Scarlett’s acclaimed ballet A Midsummer Night’s Dream for 4 Wellington ONLY performances 25 – 27 November. #RNZBdreaming

Tagged by bmolko​ and dontclimbanymore
 1) Always post the rules
2) Answer the questions the person gave you and write 11 new questions for the people you tagged. 

3) Tag 11 people and link them to the post

bmolko​’s questions:
1. What is your favourite flower? Tell us about your favourite flower.
Rose - because after the very first dance school show I performed in when I was seven years old (the first time I’d ever been on stage in an actual theatre with curtains and a big mass of black audience holy moly it shocked me!) my best adult friend that came to watch gave me a little bouquet with a red rose and white gypsophila and it was the most amazing feeling ever.
2. Is there a significant person in your life (a friend), whom, has helped benefit you in some way and has in turn taught you a lot about yourself, life, etc? Tell us about this person.
bmolko​ is the only person I’m not blood related to (we’re still brothers though) that I feel completely at home with, like I can be me around - and I can talk about anything with. They are so special to me, and they never fail to pick me up when I’m down. I believe we’re linked somehow, like we were supposed to meet and become best friends. In Doctor Who terms, I think us meeting was a fixed moment in time. I’ll never let you go.
3. What does the rush of love feel like as opposed to infatuation or obsession?
Love, as in a more respect and admiration or unconditional sort of love isn’t really a rush for me - it’s more passive and ebbing, it’s there underneath everything, it’s calm, it doesn’t force anything, it feels like the furthest thing from risk. If it’s true, nothing feels at stake, nothing that matters anyway, nothing important. Obsession grips fast and pulls me out of myself, I always forget who I am and become a sponge, to absorb and ingest any new information about the subject as soon and as fast as possible. Obsession has no regard for my wellbeing, and everything seems like a risk or absolutely wild, or like some sort of invasion. Like I’m going places I’m not meant to.
4. If you had 6 months left to live, what would you spend those months doing?
Skydiving, bungie jumping, flying all round the world and taking lots of photos, writing. I think I’d write a lot. And I’d pray, and try to be the kindest person to everyone along the way. I’d try inspire as many people as possible, and help people with their problems. 
5. An artwork/an artist that has inspired you a lot with your art/your life?

G   E   R   A   R   D      W   A   Y

6. (If you’re a Placebo fan) What’s your favourite Placebo song, and why? (If you’re not a Placebo fan) What’s your favourite song by your favourite band, and why?
Space Monkey - I love minor keys most and it sounds like trouble and danger and injustice and destruction and ill fate and knowing, but it’s also tragically pleading. I really enjoy the enigmatic lyrics, Brian’s vocals are amazing - I really like how in the verses it’s like he’s telling secrets but in the chorus he’s crying out for something. I love how the bass sounds like it has a grudge, and the slow inevitable walk of the drums, like a machine or like terminator. The alternating minor/diminished chord or apegio on the keys and guitar bring an edge and an air of uncertainty. I also love their tick tock with the kick drum then snare in the outro. It’s like time is limited, and something big, bad and unstoppable is coming. It’s like vengeance, it’s hypnotic and dark and I love it. I could be way off with my interpretation because I don’t know what it’s actually about and I haven’t yet listened to all the Placebo bmolko gave me :o
7. Best show you’ve been to (musical, concert, or otherwise)?
GERARD WAY AT SOUNDWAVE 2015!!!! But I also went to see 42nd Street and I really loved that too :) Another one is when the Royal New Zealand Ballet performed Giselle I almost cried it was so beautiful (I never cry at shows) :)
8. How would you describe what dysphoria feels like? (if you’ve experienced it. If you haven’t, what do you imagine its like?
I experience gender dysphoria on a daily basis. It’s a bit like in primary school when you get put in the lowest math group in class, even if you knew all your basic facts 100% and you know you’re smarter, you know you can do it all fine, you were just slower at processing things and so you scored poorly on timed tests. And you have to sit through class not learning anything new or achieving anything great, sitting next to the simple minded and being talked down to by the teacher. Even worse, the kids in the higher math groups make comments about it and treat you differently and speak to you differently - like they think you aren’t capable of understanding what they mean. And everyone thinks they know how smart you are, they think they know you but they are such a long way off and it stabs you in the ribs when you try to explain it and all you get is shut down. And you start hating yourself, hating the fact that you aren’t fast enough. Every day you grow more and more negative towards learning maths and you stop doing the homework and you stop talking to people and you stop going out of the house and the thought of it makes you want to vomit. And instead of finding relief, the listening ear turns into a mouth that tells you to sit down, get over yourself and try harder. And you think it would be easier if you didn’t exist at all.
9. What sort of impact would you like to have on the world, given the opportunity?
I want to bring positivity back. I want to open up minds, alter people’s thinking and help them find what they’re called do in life. I want to make people question themselves, and to urge everyone to search for more than the simple pleasures of living. To search for more than comfort. Search for more than ease. Search for whatever’s out there that wakes you up from the dreamworld you’re in. Wake up.
10. What’s holding you back?
11. What’s your belief on what happens after someone dies?
The body returns to it’s elements, but the soul and spirit will meet the creator. I believe there is a creator, there is no way this universe could happen by it’s self. Especially when you look at something as complex as an eye, our exact living conditions on earth and placement in the universe, or even a human cell - it has a nucleus which contains DNA, which is basically an instruction manual for the cell. Go and tell me that something that comes with instructions wasn’t carefully designed and thought of.
It’s mathematically impossible for something to happen by it’s self anyway.
0 + 0 = 0
0 x 0 = 0 
If there was a big bang (which scientists have found that the universe is expanding - which would suggest it all came from one central point, and that there was a birthdate for the universe. Scientists have also found that all matter is simply energy - a frequency, a vibration, that everything is actually just sound energy) somebody or something outside of time had to be there to make the first noise.
I find it impossible to believe that everything came from a primordial soup and that when we die we become nothing. I think death is a door, one we pass through from this life into an eternal one. 

dontclimbanymore’s questions:
1. most emotionally touching song to you, and why?
Sleep, by My Chemical Romance. 
2. your favorite smell and why?
The night air. I’d spend so many nights dangling my arms and neck out my window staring at the path far below and waiting till 4am for the moon to pass over our house roof so I could silently share with it my hopes and dreams. I always liked the damp-ish colder smell of plants respiring better than the sticky rubbery smell of day. At night even the plants sleep. Everything’s more private and peaceful at night. 
3. describe your place of comfort?
It’s two faced like a coin. I’m very thankful that I have this place at all, it’s home to me, I can truly rest here, but it feels like a cell a lot of the time and if I let my mind go I’m surrounded by eyes and I wish I had more so I could watch them all back.
4. something you’re looking forward to?
Starting uni next week :)
5. can you recall the best day of your life so far? if so pls describe uwu
Aside from meeting Gerard Way at Soundwave festival last Saturday (CANNOT BELIEVE), it was performing my Black Parade medley at the Lipsync competition at school last year. I was so nervous and worried nobody was going to get it because I met up with a friend on the Monday beforehand and told them about it excitedly, and they told me that no one would get it because no one gives a shit about My Chemical Romance anymore and everyone in the crowd would be silent and I’d embarrass myself - except for maybe one junior up the back that might jump up and down.
I was so discouraged that afternoon, I almost wimped out, but I decided to do it anyway, and I practiced a rough idea of what I’d do to the track I put together in the art room for my whole free period that day. I didn’t sleep well the night before. I was trembling, tired, and I felt sick in my stomach while I waited on the side of the stage watching the other girls parade around with their friends to a bunch of well known, current pop tunes.
The crowd was loud, and there were a lot of people expecting something great from me since all I did the week before was excitedly tell everyone I could about the event and how I was taking part in it. I handed my ipod shuffle to the sound man (worried it wasn’t going to work), set up a chair and an old microphone stand on the stage which I hooked my fake blood IV thing onto. I sat in the chair and waited.
They started the music and it missed the beginning where I’d put in hospital monitor beeps. I carried on anyway. The crowd was fairly quiet, and some were talking like they weren’t interested in what I was doing. I stood up from the chair too early, and gestured too strongly too early, and decided I would give what was to come everything I had. I made some nervous mistakes, but the moment I aggressively pointed at one girl in particular with wild eyes and mouthed what Gerard sang “WILL YOU BE… THE SAVIOUR OF THE BROKEN…” was the moment I started having fun, and the moment I could really believe I was this crazy parade character telling the story of the album (albeit condensed to less than four minutes).
After jumping around and headbanging like a nut, sassing it up to teenagers (and that really badly executed knee-drop that I felt 10 minutes afterwards - had bruises from it for two months), and cuffay dressed as a nurse strapped me into the fake straight jacket I made, I came off stage grinning and shaking again. ( cuffay thank you so much again for being the nurse on practically no rehearsal you did really awesome :’) )
I wasn’t expecting to get a place, but even though one of the judges Mr J said it was one of the creepiest things he’s seen, he announced me as first place and I was the most surprised and happy person on the planet. They gave me some flowers and people cheered for me and it was such a great reprieve from the apathy and depression and frustration I was feeling up until then. It was the only thing that mattered to me, and for once I achieved something I dreamed of achieving.
(Sorry for the rant)
6. talk about your favorite thing to talk about
I think I’ve done enough talking right now……. *nervous laughter*
7. describe your favorite article of clothing/accessory that you’re the most attached to?
I still really love my “Ride it like you stole it” MCR shirt with the hearse on it, but dad bought me some G shirts at Soundwave and I love them a lot. I also love my boots that I got for Christmas very much :)
8. what can you not live without?
9. favorite lyrics from uptown funk? *me uptown scREAMING IN THE BACKGROUND*




Man I always hated Bruno Mars (Muno Bras) and now I hate him even more because that song is so fantastically groovy and it makes me start dancing in random places like the supermarket and crossing the road and in the middle of dinner…
10. favorite band/artist/musician?


11. what will your last words be?
So long and goodniiiiiiiiiiiiiggghhhhthtttttttttttt- *exhales* *eyes turn into Xs* *joins Black Parade*

My questions:
1) What’s the best compliment someone has given you?
2) The perfect pizza is…..?
3) What question do you hate answering?
4) What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleep?
5) What’s one song you wish you had written and why?
6) Would you ever dye your hair a really bright unnatural colour? (eg. neon green)
7) Have you ever donated blood? If not - would you?
8) If you had to be trapped inside a tv show for a month, which would it be?
9) What’s the closest thing to you that’s red in colour?
10) What’s the worst injury you’ve had and how did you get it?
11) What’s your favourite thing to spend money on?

I tag anyone that’s still here reading omfg….

14004) I started ballet classes again recently, and my tutor was a principle dancer with the Royal New Zealand Ballet Company. Whenever I'm with him, surrounded by mirrors and the pretty girls in my class, all I can think is that he's looking at me and wondering, "Why are you here? You're too fat to be a dancer."