New addition!

He’s been here for a few days actually, but I just now got around to unboxing him. I don’t have anything made specifically for him (I’ve grounded myself from any sewing until I can get everyone else’s packages out), so he is wearing Maura’s hand-me-downs. Please excuse the booty shorts ha ha! I was thinking about getting him a new wig, but I actually quite like him in this pink one, so we’ll see.

Also, I miiiiiight have Resinsoul hoarding problem … .

Changed My Mind by @josjournal
Pairing: Zayn/Liam
Rating: M

Liam was sitting on the ground, back against a log. He pulled his snapback around to the front and down to cover his eyes. Arms crossed over his chest, he breathed deeply, smelling the dying fire and listening to the silence that surrounded him. Everyone else had packed up and gone home a few hours earlier, warnings of an impending rainstorm chasing them all away. He’d promised he would stay back to be sure the fire was put out properly. Secretly, he just wanted to enjoy the silence and sober up before he got behind the wheel.

He startled when he heard the sound of tires. Tilting up the brim of his hat, he was surprised to see another vehicle pull up next to his. The passenger door opened before someone got out and slammed the door. Liam couldn’t make out who it was because his vision was impeded by the blinding headlights. The figure was barely clear of the vehicle when it slammed into reverse and sped away, spraying stones everywhere. Liam thought he heard someone let out a wounded yelp, but couldn’t be sure.

Once the car was gone, Liam was able to make out the figure moving closer to him. When the person stepped into the circle of light given off by the dying flames, Liam’s eyes widened in surprise. “Zayn?” he asked, scrambling to his feet when he saw a bit of blood on the boy’s cheek.

He was around the fire, hand outstretched to check the injury, but Zayn ducked away from him. Zayn put a hand over his cheek. “It’s nothing,” he said, his voice quiet and thick with tears. “Got hit by a rock or summat when Louis tore out of here.”

“Right,” Liam responded, shoving his hands in his pockets. “So, what brings you back?”

Zayn shrugged, moving to sit on one of the logs. He reached into the pocket of the rucksack he had thrown over his shoulder and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He tilted the pack towards Liam, who shook his head in refusal. With a shrug, Zayn tapped two out of the pack, putting one over his ear and the other between his lips. He reached into the bag again, drew out a zippo and lit the cigarette. He played with the lighter, flicking it open and closed, eyes watching the flames as he let the cigarette continue to burn.

Liam was ready to give up on getting an answer, deciding instead to settle back into the space he’d been occupying earlier, which happened to put him pressed up against the side of Zayn’s legs, his shoulder resting against Zayn’s knee. Glancing up to see if it was alright for him to be that close, he was relieved to see a shy grin on Zayn’s face as he jostled his knee against Liam’s shoulder. Liam smiled back, but his heart gave a twinge of something he couldn’t identify.

Last summer, he’d been convinced that there was something between the two of them. Liam had admired Zayn quietly through all four years of school. While spending all his free time with Zayn, Liam thought he felt something change. It was at the bonfire the year before when he took a chance, one that he regretted a bit now.

Zayn had stayed in Bradford for a gap year, helping his dad out at the gym, while applying to art schools. Liam had traveled to London to study medicine, although he wasn’t entirely sure about his course of study. He’d found a group of friends with similar interests, but they would never be a replacement for the friends he’d left behind. He’d managed to keep in touch with the rest of them, but Zayn stopped answering his calls right away. Liam hadn’t given up, even when he’d checked the text history on his phone to discover he’d sent two hundred texts since the last one he’d received. Pathetic, really.

He’d been hoping that coming home for the summer hols would help him fix things with Zayn, but the other boy had managed to remain busy the entire time. They’d only been in the same place twice in two months, and both times they’d been surrounded by other people. He’d tried to pull Zayn away from the party a few times earlier that night, but had been eluded every time.

“So…” Liam started, not sure what he wanted to say.

“I’m sorry,” Zayn said, taking Liam by surprise.

Leaning his head back to look up at Zayn, he saw him rubbing his thumb over his chin, a nervous habit of his. “For?”

Zayn snorted at that, turning to look off into the trees. He wouldn’t be able to see much, but Liam suspected he was just trying to avoid looking at him. “Louis pointed out that I’ve been a bit of a prat this year.”


“I have. I didn’t realize until Louis told me that you don’t know what happened,” Zayn interrupted, finally making eye contact with Liam, who was surprised at how Zayn’s hazel eyes - eyes he’d spent endless hours thinking about - seemed to shine. “I was going to just write you an email after you’d gone back to London, but Louis wasn’t having it. So, he drove back here, forced me out of the car, and took off spraying me with gravel.” Zayn lifted a hand to the injury on his cheek, which had thankfully stopped bleeding, but still didn’t look all that good. “Bloody wanker,” he muttered.

Liam pushed himself to stand before walking over to his cooler. Opening it, he used the hunter green bandana he’d had tucked in his back left pocket to soak up some of the still cold water. Walking over to the log, he sat next to Zayn and started dabbing at the injury, apologizing when Zayn hissed.

“Didn’t hurt. Just cold,” Zayn whispered, his eyes on Liam.

Once the wound was clean, Liam tilted his head to look at it, frowning when a couple more drops of blood escaped. “Might need stitches.” He pressed the cloth against Zayn’s cheek, hoping the pressure would stop the bleeding completely. He’d hate to have a scar marring the beauty of the boy next to him.

“It’s the end of the night, but you can’t head out until the fire’s out to your liking, yeah?” Zayn teased. Liam shrugged, glancing over to the dying fire. “Still surprised you didn’t go to that fire service college we were looking at, but you seem to have taken to medicine.” Zayn gestured towards his cheek, where Liam was still applying pressure.

“Hate it, honestly,” Liam admitted, taking the cloth away, breathing a sigh of relief when no fresh blood appeared. “Although, it’s mostly general classes right now.”

“So, how’s Sophia?” Zayn blurted out causing Liam to blink at him.

“I’m sorry?”

“The girl you’ve been seeing,” Zayn said, his voice holding a bit of edge, mostly full of hurt. “Didn’t take you long to forget,” he said under his breath, but Liam could still hear him.

“The only Sophia I know is my friend Lee’s girlfriend,” Liam said, his brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what Zayn was going on about.

“You have a friend named Lee?” Zayn asked, his eyes narrowed in suspicion. “How come I’ve never heard of him?”

“Probably because you haven’t talked to me in, like, a year!” Liam snapped, standing and crossing back to the cooler. He picked it up, carrying it over towards the fire, struggling to tip it over the embers. “How do you know about Sophia anyway?”

Zayn looked embarrassed as he stood to help Liam with the cooler. “Might have seen a pic of the two of you that you posted on instagram.”

“You follow my instagram?” Liam tried to remember if he even knew that Zayn had an account.

“No,” Zayn whispered, flinching when Liam laughed. “I just check yours because I want to know what’s going on with you. You were always so distracted when I called you the first week after you left, and then I saw the pic of you two looking so cozy, so I figured I knew why.”

Liam shook his head. He knew exactly what picture Zayn was talking about, it had been taken at a party the second weekend he was away at school. He’d been missing Zayn something fierce, wishing the boy were in London with him, but knowing he’d been shit at letting him know that. His friends Andy and Lee started pushing him to drink, and the rest of the night was a blur. The next morning, he’d been going through his phone, surprised by all of the instagram notifications. He’d looked at the picture that had been so popular, gaping at the image of himself being straddled by Lee’s girlfriend. The caption, the three drops of water emoji, indicating something that was as far from the truth as you could get.

Liam knew he should have deleted the picture, but all of his friends that were commenting on it seemed to get such a kick out of it, he figured they would just think he was an over-sensitive tosser if he did. So, he’d left the picture and started leaving teasing messages on Lee’s instagram about stealing his girl. Now, he wished he’d gone with his instincts and deleted it.

They worked together quietly, dumping the water on the fire, Liam listening to the satisfying hiss as more of the embers went out. He took the cooler from Zayn, carrying it to his car and sliding it into the boot. He jumped when he felt Zayn’s hand on his back. Turning, he tried to smile down at Zayn, but his mouth wasn’t cooperating. “You stopped talking to me because you thought I had a girlfriend,” Liam clarified, scowling when Zayn nodded, his lower lip between his teeth. “Instead of asking me about it, you just shut me out completely.”

Zayn nodded again, this time stepping away from Liam and pulling his phone out. “I’ll just call Tommo to come get me. Knew this was a mistake,” Zayn whispered. “I’ll be out of your hair shortly; I’m sure he didn’t go far.”

Liam knew that Louis probably drove all the way home, having grown sick and tired of hearing Liam cry and complain about Zayn cutting him out of his life. Louis’ plans were always extreme, but they always seemed to work; a fact Liam would never admit to him. He didn’t stop Zayn from dialing, his eyes on the fire as he started to scoop up handfuls of dirt to toss over the embers, wondering if the heat would ever die out completely.

“Shit,” Zayn uttered. “Do you think you could give me a lift when you’re done?”

“Course I can,” Liam responded, trying to keep his voice even, his mind torn between dread and celebration at the thought of being alone in a car with Zayn for the forty-five minute drive back.

Zayn dropped to his knees across the pit from Liam, helping to pour dirt over the dying fire. “Do you- do you ever- I mean, d-”

“Zayn, I think about that night a lot,” Liam cut him off, knowing that Zayn would reword the question until morning if Liam let him. “I convinced myself it was nothing to you.”

Zayn snorted. “It was everything. I spent the entire summer wondering what would happen between us. I kept wondering ‘are we friends, or are we more?’. Then when you kissed me, I thought I knew. I thought I’d found out for sure, but you didn’t ask me to stay, did you?”

Liam shook his head. “Goodbyes are so hard for me, Zee. I thought you knew that.” Liam brushed his hands off before sitting down on the ground, cross-legged, studying Zayn. “It was easier to have you go home with Louis, and I would call you when I got to school.”

“That first time you called, I thought you were going to tell me that you wanted me out of your life.” Zayn’s voice was so quiet, Liam had to strain to hear him. Zayn was still throwing dirt into the pit, even though the fire was completely out, not even smoke remaining. “Then you told me you missed me, and I believed you.”

“I did miss you,” Liam argued, pushing himself to stand, moving around the fire to kneel in front of Zayn, grasping his wrists gently, forcing him to stop throwing dirt. “I missed you so much. Every day. Didn’t you get any of my texts?”

Zayn nodded, his eyes bright. “I couldn’t figure out why you kept texting me, when you’d moved on with someone else.”

“But I didn’t move on. I never moved on. I didn’t know what I did wrong and no one would tell me!” Liam moved his hands to Zayn’s cheeks, forcing the dark-haired boy to look at him. “Why wouldn’t you just tell me?”

“I was afraid!” Zayn screamed, trying to push Liam away, but he refused to let go. He used his grip to pull Zayn into a tight hug, holding the other boy until he stopped struggling, until he collapsed against his chest. Liam held him as his screams became sobs. “I was so scared that I’d cocked everything up that night last summer, that you’d been drunk and hadn’t really wanted to be with me.”

“Seems I’m the one that messed everything up. I didn’t drink a drop that night, knowing that I wanted to tell you how I felt, but the words never left my mouth.”

Liam approached Zayn slowly, watching as he took a hit off the joint between his lips. Liam concentrated on Zayn’s mouth as he held the smoke before releasing it. He wondered how it would feel to press his lips to Zayn’s, to inhale the sweet smoke as it escaped. Instead, he twisted his fingers and stepped into Zayn’s line of sight.

“Hey,” Zayn said, smiling wide, his tongue pressing against the back of his teeth. “Having fun?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Liam agreed, nodding his head, feeling a bit daft when Zayn chuckled at him.

“That’s good. You deserve a good time. Hitting the road early tomorrow, yeah? Going into the big city and leaving us poor souls behind.” Zayn’s voice was low, a strange undertone.

“I’m not leaving you. I’ll be back, and we still have phones, yeah?” Liam stepped closer, reaching a hand out to touch Zayn’s cheek, running a finger over his stubble. “Pretty.”

“Drunk?” Zayn asked, smirking when Liam shook his head. “Yeah, okay. Keep telling your-”

His words were cut off when Liam surged forward to press their lips together. Zayn froze for less than a second before he was kissing Liam back, nipping at his bottom lip and taking full advantage of the gasp that brought about. As their tongues teased each other, Liam felt Zayn tug him closer, until their bodies were completely pressed together.

Liam shifted his weight, pushing Zayn until he was leaning against the tree, rocking their hips together. Liam had already been half-hard when he’d approached Zayn, but, now he was pleasantly surprised to find they were both in a similar state. Liam dropped his head to Zayn’s shoulder, moaning as Zayn grabbed his ass and pulled him tighter against him.

This was not how Liam had imagined things going. He’d come over here to tell Zayn that he was pretty sure he was more than half in love with him, and he hoped he felt the same. He knew the timing was the worst, but he couldn’t leave for London without getting it off his chest. He had to know if there was a chance of something between the two of them.

As he felt Zayn’s hands work on the button of Liam’s jeans, he knew that conversation was not going to happen, but he couldn’t find it in himself to stop Zayn. Zayn moved so that Liam was the one against the tree, dropping to his knees and looking up at Liam. “This is alright, yeah?” he asked as he unzipped Liam’s jeans.

“Yeah.” Liam swallowed hard. “Yeah.” He was nodding like a bobblehead, but he lost all thought as Zayn moved forward and swallowed him down.

Liam didn’t last long, coming embarrassingly fast, impressed when Zayn swallowed every drop before standing and kissing him, hard. Liam reached for Zayn’s jeans, surprised when Zayn stopped him. “I’m good, yeah?” Liam glanced down to the wet spot on Zayn’s jeans, his eyes widened as he looked back up at Zayn who shrugged. “Might have dreamt about doing that for awhile.” He motioned over his shoulder towards the cars. “I’ve got a bag in Tommo’s car. Gonna go get changed, then we can talk, yeah?”

“Yeah, we’ll talk,” Liam said, smiling before kissing Zayn again, giggling at the taste of himself on the other boy’s lips.

Only, they never did get to talk that night. Other things kept getting in the way, and then Liam had freaked out and made Louis drive Zayn home. Liam still couldn’t forget the hurt look in Zayn’s eyes as he’d gotten into the car. If Liam had know what he was throwing away, he’d have handled things differently. Now, he regretted not taking a bigger risk.

“What were you going to tell me?” Zayn asked into Liam’s shoulder, still sniffling, the occasional shuddering breath telling Liam that he wasn’t quite done crying.

“I was going to tell you that I loved you and that I didn’t want to go to London without you, even though I knew I was going to have to. I wanted to ask you to be mine, or at least give me a chance, despite the distance. I had so many things to say, but you distracted me a bit,” Liam teased lightly, hoping that was the right tact after all this time.

Zayn chuckled. “Sorry about that.”

“Don’t be,” Liam jumped in quickly. “Best gobbies of my life, to be honest.”

Zayn pulled back, his lips quirked into a cocky smirk, like he knew that already. “You just looked so adorable when you came up to me, and I was afraid it was my only chance. I’ve never been good at speaking what I’m thinking, writing was always my thing. So, I tried to show you instead. When you sent me off with Louis, I didn’t know what to think. What to do.”

Liam stood up, pulling Zayn to his feet, but not letting go. He held Zayn close, their bodies swaying, almost like they were dancing. Zayn chuckled. “What?” Liam asked, knowing he wasn’t going to let go this time.

“There’s no music on,” Zayn told him, pulling back just enough to smile at Liam.

“I don’t care. Zayn, we lost a year, I don’t want to lose another one. I’m going to spend every second I have with you doing what I want to do, and right now, I want to dance with you.” Liam’s voice was low as he pressed a kiss to Zayn’s cheek, just under the injury from earlier. “I mean, as long as that’s alright with you.”

“It’s alright with me. More than alright, actually.” Zayn smiled, brushing his lips against Liam, giggling when Liam’s smile widened beneath his.

“We’ll do this long distance thing, we will,” Liam said. “We aren’t losing any more time. We should just stay out here tonight. I’ve got a tent and sleeping bags in my car.”

“Baby, if you say you want me to stay, I’d love to spend the night with you,” Zayn said, bumping his nose against Liam’s cheek.

“Now, c’mon, let’s go get setup, so we can get some sleep,” Liam said, his voice low, as he kissed Zayn again, the kiss deepening as it went on.

“Sleep?” Zayn asked, incredulously when the kiss ended. He let Liam pull him behind him towards the car. “You might want to rethink that sleeping thing, or I’ll change my mind,” Zayn said, laughing as he pulled Liam into another kiss, pushing him up against the boot of the car. Thrilled that they were finally doing this.



lastshadowmonkeys: In my room … With tiger sounds! (Columbiahalle, Berlin, 23 Aug. 2016)