anonymous asked:

I've got a quick question - in my novel, I have two characters who end up together in a romantic sense at the end of the story. They're a great couple - they work well together and balance out some of their negative characteristics. The only problem is that one is 18 and the other is 27. I'll clarify that the 18 year old has been through hell in her life and is in some ways more mature than the 27 year old, but I know some might find their relationship squicky. Is that too big of an age gap?

I get it. Young people are young, stereotypically naive and immature. Their brains may not even be fully developed yet. How could they ever be attracted to someone older than them? And old people are old, stereotypically world-wise and nostalgic. How could they ever be attracted to someone younger than them? 

There are cultural differences between the two generations to consider. There are experiences the elder has had that the younger has yet to even know exist in their future. There is an intensity of feeling, as if the fire burns brightest for them, the younger has that the elder may have nearly forgotten. How could the elder ever look at the younger and not see a child? How could the younger ever look at the elder and not see an authority figure? How could this ever work?

I get it.

My partner and I have a ten-year difference between us. Trust me, I understand the issue. Even as I near the age of my partner when we first met, I look back at people the age I was and cringe. I must have been especially awesome, because people that age are derps all.  

But the more ages I’ve been in my life, the more I’ve realized that people of every age are derps. We’re all just trying to get through it, and many of us are glad to have company along the way. If you can find companionship, kinship, friendship, love, whatever with another person, it’s hard to let that go because of an age difference. 

Is it ideal? Maybe not, but it’s what you’ve got. It’s working out okay for my partner and I. Maybe it’ll work out okay for your characters.

I’m sure other writers will weigh in on this hot-button topic! Be sure to check the notes for their comments as well!

Thanks for your question!


(This response refers to relationships between consenting adults only. Pedophilia is “considered a paraphilia, an ‘abnormal or unnatural attraction.’ Pedophilia is defined as the fantasy or act of sexual activity with prepubescent children.” [x] It is a psychiatric disorder and does not fall into the scope of this post. )

Growing up I thought being in love was red roses, dates on Saturday night, pretty jewellery, kisses in the rain and boxes that held expensive things. I thought true love was a story with a picture perfect ending. Now that I’m older I realise it’s not that at all. True love isn’t something you find in a Disney movie.

Being in love is screaming at 5am till you cry out of anger, but knowing they won’t leave. It’s saying all the wrong things at the wrong moments. It’s leaving someone in complete control of your heart. It’s sleepless nights and non-stop texting. It’s all night phone calls and lame jokes. It’s wanting to share every moment with that one person. It’s finding yourself awake at 3am craving them asleep next to you. It’s being apart and knowing that nothing will change.

It’s the small things. It’s screaming the lyrics to your favourite song together. It’s fights and make up sex. It’s hour long showers and breakfast in the morning. It’s coffee dates and finding new books to read. It’s days full of laughter and tears. It’s holding hands and kissing ever so passionately. It’s capturing the world’s beauty through their eyes. It’s finally being able to love yourself as much as that person loves you. Love is the only thing in this world worth fighting for. Being in love will fuck you up in more ways than you can imagine and it’s absolutely heart-wrenching, but at the same time it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.