It’s 2018, another horny housewife has decided to cash in on Twilight and Fifty Shades of Grey. Another abusive relationship will be on film for middle aged women to jack off over.
Chris Pratt sits on his bed and stares at his wife, who is sleeping peacefully. He had been offered the role and he was hesitant on accepting it. The character was a piece of human garbage.
The phone rings. “Who would be calling this late at night?” He wonders as he picks it up.
“DON’T DO IT, MATE!”
“DON’T FUCKING DO IT!”
He hears the two men plead and beg over the phone. He knows who they are. Why they would call him. Jaime Dornan and Robert Pattinson are saving another soul. They are doing god’s work.
Chris smiles and slams the phone down. He lays down in bed and smiles at the ceiling. His wife rolls over and lays her head on his chest.
“Who was that, Chris?”
“Angels, Anna. Angels doing God’s work.”
Another soul has been saved. Another career has been spared. Thank you Robert Pattinson and Jaime Dornan. Your sacrifices have not been in vain.