Norman Reedus, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Andrew Lincoln and Robert Kirkman with Chris Hardwick
hardwick: I’m very excited to announce my new boy band, The Proper Boyz. We bust straight up grooves about manners and elocution yo. There’s me (the Loud One), Andy (the Brit), Normo (the Bad Boy), Robbie (the Cuddler) and JD (The Brainy One–he loves books!). We’ll be on the road all next year on our “Double Windsor” tour with the hit singles, “Diphthong Bikini” and “Allow Me To Get That Chair For You, Gurl”.#ProperBoyz
I’m sorry. I never got to bury you before. I know this isn’t the same… I’m sorry you were never truly put to rest. I’m hoping… This is the next best thing. This is the closest I can get. I hope you’re at peace. I hope you’re in heaven, and you fell in love with someone who treats you better than I ever did, and that they’re fucking your brains out and then fucking your brains back in after that on a daily basis. I’ll always miss you, Lucille. I’m sorry I named a stupid fucking baseball bat after you.
"I don't wanna kill any of you. I want you to work for me. You can't do that if you're dead."
"Now I will murder one of you to death."
"Eeny... Meeny... Miney..."
"Come on, a nursery-rhyme? THAT'S your big, evil hook? That's demeaning to both of us.
"You're not even going to do anything interesting or diabolical? No mind-games, no pitting us against each other, no deal-with-the-devil? Not even make us draw straws?"
"Wouldn't it be more interesting if you made us choose which of us would die? That person's last thoughts would be 'I'm unwanted. I'm the least favourite". That's a pretty fuckin' mean thing to do.
"Or what if you had one of our people fight one of yours? And if ours couldn't kill yours in 60 seconds, THEN our person would die. And if our guy won, then they would have to join your group to replace the one you'd lose. We'd still technically lose a person, but one person wouldn't be worth risking like a rescue mission or some shit."
"Or you could just skip the drama and try to get me to a doctor. Even if I didn't make it, they'd appreciate the effort so much my group would probably join you WILLINGLY."
"Or what if you just killed Dwight? He's betrayed both of us on several occasions after we stuck our necks out for him. It would be doing us a big favour, it would show us that you can afford to lose people so that fighting you would be useless, and it would give us even less reason to go after you later."
"Okay, I get it-"
"Wait, didn't we do this already? If the cost of admission is one protagonist death, then we've already paid that when Dwight killed Denise... Dude, I think Dwight stole your kill."
"Hear me out: What if you selected one person and broke their arms and legs? They'd heal, but they wouldn't be able to fight back. Maybe they could still do chores or farming work, but they wouldn't be able to wield a weapon."
"What if you forced all of us to be in your group, but spread out so that we wouldn't be able to organize a coup? That way our group would lose their soldiers, but not the people who tend to the fields and produce the resources that you're extorting from us?"
"I think we're getting off-track he-"
"I know the Infinite Ammo cheat code. I could give you that in exchange for our lives. Just puttin' that out there..."
"Also, and I know this is a superficial complaint, but your big, scary weapon is a piece of wood? We fought a guy with a TANK, and we won."
"Seriously, right? This is the Big Bad we're supposed to be scared of? You're the main villain that's been hyped up for years? We're the GOOD guys, and we came up with better Evil Plans than you, on the spot! It's like you were written by a guy who jerks it to compilations of the deaths on Game of Thrones."
"We had good writers, but I ate them all."