Tabitha and Rhonda went east, through Caesar’s land. Occasionally tales of their exploits found their way back west, though few believed them. Eventually the stories concerning the duo were collected and published, and proved to be quite popular with children.


It had somehow slipped Roy’s mind that he had an important breakfast meeting at 8.00 with his CEO and co-workers and several high-ranking Llamas executives. He remembers at 5.30 am, when he’s doing the last of the coke off Danni’s stomach, just because he can. He’s so goddamn alpha. Sonia would be speechless at the depths of his depravity, and no doubt secretly turned on. He tells Danni the mushroom story. Danni glances at Sophia.

Danni: We know, Roy, you’ve been talking about it all night.

He makes them mountains of scrambled eggs and French toast for breakfast but no one is actually hungry. He knocks on Joël’s door to see if he wants any but there’s no answer. He tries the door anyway but it’s locked. Arsehole. Anyway, who needs food when you can have cigarettes? Cigarettes taste like nectar for his lungs. The sun is coming up and the girls make their excuses to leave. It’s been one of the best nights of his life. The coke and the girls were spectacular, it must have been his reward for having to suffer being married to that bitch for so long. Sophia wants to do it all again this Saturday night. Because he’s a sex god, that’s why. DID YOU HEAR THAT, SONIA? A SEX GOD.

He gets to the meeting 5 minutes late, but only because of traffic. Not because the valiums that Sophia gave him might be starting to kick in and he can’t remember which floor he’s supposed to go to. 

The first person he sees when he enters the conference room is the Llama’s press secretary, Rhonda Langtry. They’ve always had a thing for each other. He fixes his most alluring smirk on his face.

Roy: Hey, baby. There’s a big sale in my bedroom right now. Clothes are 100% off!

Rhonda: Oh my God. Roy? Are you drunk?  

He winks at her and his boss, Gus Barber, gestures for him to sit down. He smiles at Gus’s PA,  Veronica, a brittle redhead. She simpers at him in return. She wants him, bad.  

Gus:… There’s something of a bidding war going on for certain players at the moment and word is that bids could go very high indeed. The Al Simhara Sentinels recently offered a huge amount of money… How much was it exactly? §60, 70 million? Can you confirm exactly how much, Roy? Excuse me, Roy? ROY!

Veronica: He’s passed out. I heard him say something about mushrooms and then he was like bang, out like a light.

Gus: Mushrooms, eh? Could be dangerous. Veronica, you’d better call an ambulance. He might need to get his stomach pumped.