"That one" she said as she pointed vaguely at the meat case.

So in case you’ve never seen a meat department there is a long cooler with glass and you can look at the meat we have. We stood on the other side and would grab your meat, weigh it, then package it.

So one of my pet peeves when people would just point and say “I’ll have two of those” it was really difficult to see what they were pointing to so I’d try to take an educated guess as to what they wanted and ask if it was correct. Most of the time they would get the hint and read the label so I knew what to grab.

This one pudgy lady comes in and waddles up to the case. I greet her with my fake customer service smile and she points and grunts. I ask her “Ma'am do you want the x?” and she just looks at me dead in the eyes and says “That” And looks back down at the case. I’m totally confused and her finger could be pointing at like six different things.

I bend down to look and see if I can tell where she is pointing but I have no idea. So I start naming off things in the general vicinity. She kept responded with more agitated “Thats”. After some time I start thinking she might be illiterate and I felt bad. So I walk around to the front of the case to see if I can tell what she is pointing at. She starts pounding on the glass with her finger saying “That one right there” and her finger was in such a vague area I had no idea what she was asking for.

So I go back around the case and ask “How many would you like?” and she says “A few” so I picked out the most expensive thing in the area and put six of them in a package. The total rang up to be about $75 if I remember correctly.

I handed her the package after weighing it up and she walked away without even looking at the label to see I gave her the right thing.

I had no idea what she was trying to accomplish because it was pretty clear I had no idea what she wanted. And when I asked clarifying questions she didn’t really respond. So I sold a shit load of stuff to her and got a thumbs up from my boss for making a big sale.

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Thieving dogs screwed me out of $4,000; I got it back and cost the dogs another $700,000.

A few months ago, a company (“Low Dogs LLC”) was required to sell some pretty rare stuff. Low Dogs was very cozy with another company (“Morality Ltd”) that wanted the stuff, but the industry we’re in is highly regulated and so Low Dogs couldn’t just sell straight to Morality. So to be seen to comply with the regulations, Low Dogs offered to sell the stuff to some other people, me being one. They said that if we wanted the stuff, it was ours, and if we didn’t, well THEN they would sell it to Morality Ltd. In that way, they would comply with the regulations prohibiting direct sale to their buddies at Morality Ltd.

So I get Low Dogs’ offer and you know what, it’s actually very well priced. I say thanks, here’s my cheque, and await my stuff. Tick tock, tick tock…no stuff. Call Low Dogs up and say yo, where’s that stuff I bought? And they say ohhhh, we sold it all to Morality for the same price we offered it to you, here’s your cheque back.

And so I say, nuh-uh, and I sue them for a few grand, that being the profit I didn’t make by reselling the stuff they didn’t deliver.

Now Low Dogs could have sorted me out pretty easily. Settle my claim, move on. For reasons known only to them, they didn’t. They chose the ‘double dare’ option, engaged high flying attorneys, and started fighting hard. Over a few grand.

Old fistingdonkeys don’t bend over when someone tries to screw him, so all that did was provide further encouragement. I spent several weeks and several thousand dollars putting together a detailed dossier on everything that had happened, then sent it to Low Dogs and said - we can do this the easy way (sort this out) or the hard way (I’ll provide this to the regulators). They said, you’ll never bother, go away. Uh, okay kids, whatever you think. So off it went to the regulator. (I’ve really simplified the story above - it’s actually a pretty complex situation, hence the huge work involved in explaining everything to the regulator, which Low Dogs thought I wouldn’t trouble myself with.)

The regulator took a look at my dossier and came down on them hard. On my estimate Low Dogs spent maybe $100k on attorneys in fighting the regulator, only to lose the argument. The regulator forced Morality Ltd to give the stuff back to Low Dogs, who then had to give it to me and everyone else who’d placed orders but been denied, at the original low price. The profit that Morality Ltd missed out on was something like $600k. And as it happened, Morality Ltd had contrived the original scheme with Low Dogs and they were planning to share the profits. Too bad, so sad.

Amusing enough, but there’s a kicker. Turns out the stock controller at Low Dogs (who was an a-hole to me when I complained that I hadn’t received my order) hadn’t actually passed everything on to Morality. He’d kept some for himself, and sold it for a neat profit of about $20k. When the regulator was investigating what had happened, that fact came out, and Low Dogs weren’t happy. They were so unhappy, in fact, that the stock controller was promptly sacked from his $200k pa job. Unlucky!

When Julius Caesar was kidnapped by pirates, he laughed in their faces, raised the ransom, and sent his men to collect enough silver to pay it. While he waited, he won them over (despite treating them as minions) and gained so much trust that they didn’t believe it when he said he’d come back to kill them all. He later captured them, got his silver back, cut their throats, and had them crucified. Source

Lying to impress a girl is pathetic, but involving my friend is unacceptable.

A couple of years ago I was in the gym and I overheard this guy (we’ll call him “LT” for Lying Tool) “warning” a girl. He said something to the effect of:

“Hey, sorry to bother you. But I just overheard that guy in the red shirt (pointing at my friend who was across the gym) saying some extremely crass stuff about you in the locker room. It was really sexual and graphic, basically talking about ripping off your purple spandex and violating you in front of everyone. I couldn’t just listen and not tell you because you deserve to know what certain people are really like.”

Listing to this I was furious. This guy had obviously seen my friend and the girl talking in the gym (she approachedhim) and gotten jealous because he wanted to get with her. So he made up this lie to throw him under the bus. I know it was a lie because 1) I was just in the locker room and nothing of the sort was said and 2) the dude he was lying about was actually a really nice, respectful guy.

So he finished up his tall tale and before the girl could respond I scoffed really loud and said:

“She knows you’re lying just to try to get in her pants. That guy would never say those kinds of things about her because she’s his sister, you moron.”

The look on LT’s face was priceless. He went pale and stammered something about how he must have gotten the guy mixed up. But the girl (who had caught on and was playing along) pointed out how he had been very clear about pointing her “brother” out. So LT shifted his story again and said he must have gotten the girl he was talking about mixed up. So I pointed out that she was the only girl wearing purple spandex.

He actually looked like he was about to cry, and I never saw him in the gym again after that.

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