CLYDE: IT’S 7 AM IN THE MORNING AND I’VE GOT MY SUPER NEATO BFF HERE WAITING FOR THE BUS!!! CHECK OUT MY SUPER COOL AND NICE FRIEND!!! WHO IS TOTALLY AWESOME!

CRAIG:

CRAIG: Why are you patting my back.

CLYDE: It’s a friendly gesture of goodwill and best-friendery. You can pat mine if you want.

CRAIG: I’ll pass.

CLYDE: Suit yourself.

CLYDE: I was going to beat up Craig and Tweek for getting me grounded like I said, but then I realised that I can’t punch. Or kick. Or slap. Or do anything that involves a lot of physical labor. I just don’t have it in me.

CLYDE: I’m a lover, not a hater.

CLYDE: So instead I used my cunning friend skills to totally burn him. Now everybody will call him a stinky buttface and it’ll be totally awesome.

CLYDE: I have one planned for Tweek, too. Don’t worry. Once I’m at school, I will deploy my clever schemes on him as well…

CLYDE: I am too good at this. An expert, even. A master in the field of putting papers on friends backs.