Use everything you have to get where you want to be. Use every inch of fight, every ounce of courage and most importantly, every drop of your will. Things will never be a walk in a park, that is the joy of being alive, you must learn to face the mountains. If you really want it, the hard work will be worth it. Good luck.
— 

If it is worth the fight by Amy Kennedy

28/04/17

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Sometimes I realize that my life was way easier when I was sick cause all of my concerns were about food/body/weight. Coexisting with an ED is the easy way to feel in control of our lives, while we actually have no control at all. Everything slips away, but you don’t care.
You are about to die, but you don’t care.
Well, why caring about so so so many things when you can just stay home and count the calories of a carrot? Why dealing with so many problems when you can just spend hours staring at your reflection in the mirror?
That is what eating disorders are: a way not to focus on life. A silent, politically correct suicide, cause you don’t feel able to handle your presence here.
Now sometimes I suddenly find myself thinking “I cannot do this” and I understand why I needed anorexia more than everything else. It would erase the pain, by inflicting me a bigger pain. It’s just like drug addiction, no way.
Then I find myself thinking “wait, I am alive. I can deal with life. I do not have to control everything. I just need to get going.”
And that is the moment when I’m sure recovery has been the best choice of my life.

2

A lil update
• I moved down to IOP today so I only go into program 3 days a week now
• I had an interview for another program yesterday but I didn’t really like it
• I have the weekend free and I need things to do during it!! And I don’t have anything planned!
• I’ve been very productive/adulty today like calling people and emailing important things
• I’ve been completely ED behavior free since before the hospital so a month now which is pretty wild and I’m really proud of myself
• I wrote a poem today during group that I might post tonight bc I think it’s good & maybe worth sharing

anonymous asked:

Today I felt proud because I made the decision to leave my toxic home and move in with someone who loves and cares for me very much. I'm leaving next week, which will be a challenge in itself, but having made my internal decision, I already feel more free.

I’m so happy for you!! I really hope you thrive in your new home! 

Control your thoughts, and you will be able to control the way in which the world appears.
Think highly of events; if it’s good, see it’s beauty. If it’s bad, seek for growth. Everything that happens has a reason, purpose, and difference that it will make. So take a moment, and choose to see the impact that your thoughts have on your life.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

I was leaning over to reach into my backpack at the bus stop and when I stood back up, this sweet girl came up to me and said: “I’m sorry I don’t mean to bother you but I just had to tell you that you just made me feel so much better about my body. I saw you and I thought “wow she’s so beautiful and she seems so confident” and then I saw your stretch marks and thought “I didn’t realize that even someone as tiny as you can have stretch marks and that it’s normal and beautiful! Why don’t I have the same love for my body that has stretch marks too?” And she started to tear up and I just asked if I can hug her and we just sat there and I held her for a minute as she was fighting back tears. We exchanged numbers & IG’s and I just spoke from my heart and told her how important she is and body positive mantras and tips for self love that I live by that could maybe help her too.

even though she was telling me how much I was helping her, i don’t think she realizes just how much that meant to me too. I will remember this exchange/conection with that beautiful soul for the rest of my life