Recently a lot of my Facebook friends have been debating whether Bay from the TV show, Switched At Birth, was raped or not because she was drunk and it was her ex boyfriend. A lot of them have said “she is a girl, she should know not to drink so much”, “did she say no?”, “she probably just regrets it!”, “she’s just wants attention”, “she shouldn’t have put herself in that situation”, and ” it’s her ex, he probably thought she was cool with it”. So, I had to rant, because I’m sick and tired of victim blaming.

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Last night, I had a good friend of mine text me, and she was very uneasy because someone I know decided to continue to make rape jokes to her, even though he was aware that they weren’t making her comfortable, and he then tried to justify why it’s ok. 

I’m not cool with my friends being hurt/upset/breaking down/possibbily being pushed on the verge of suicide because of other people’s fucking ignorance. I got real heated, so I posted this status. 

18 hours later, the thread was 500+ comments, mainly stupidity by the same 5 people, supporting the argument on why rape jokes are ok. The fact that random people intervened here and there trying to justify rape jokes, and say that everyone who’s against them and myself are overreacting honestly disgusts me so much. 

First off, I have too many friends who have been sexually assaulted in some way, and it pains me so much to see them in so much pain, and fear. I’ve had friends who are near suicide because of bullshit like that, and it’s not like this is some uncommon thing. MOST OF MY FRIENDS HAVE BEEN SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ONE WAY OR ANOTHER. even my girlfriend. They all get triggered emotionally by people’s stupid ass sense of humor on the subject. I can tell you it’s not a fucking fun experience, nor is it something I want to fucking bring up as a joke. and I think i speak for all my friends when I fucking say that. 

These Ignoramuses who held up the argument for the past day brought up a lot of points in their defense, like “Freedom of speech. This is America. I can say what I want. if you stop rape jokes you take away my rights as an american. If you don’t like rape jokes, don’t get raped or cover your ears. Why do I have to stop telling jokes for those who are overreacting? This is a battle that you’re never going to win. LOL RAPE MEME’S ARE FUNNY”. Like, it’s literally so amazing how ignorant they were being. I told them rape jokes are like holocaust jokes. Just because no jews are around doesn’t mean you still make them. and they’d respond with “it’s called dark humor it’s supposed to be funny.”

And I’d honestly be way more surprised that people can say shit like that, but then I remembered all the other statuses I’ve made about social issues in the last half of the year (Ferguson, Me being harassed by a cop, Gay rights, Etc) and those were the same exact people who were defend Darren Wilson in Ferguson, Who said I was giving a cop a hard time when I posted about a cop calling me stupid and trying to make me admit to a crime I didn’t even do, and the same people who don’t believe that discrimination, Prejudice, or Racism still exists in this country, NOR Do they believe this country is unfair (They all just so happen to all be straight white men. Surprise!!!!) 

SO i’ve come to the conclusion that shit people are shit people. And I stated a comment somewhere in that 500 comment thread saying “I would normally just say let you be ignorant and I’ll go on with my life, but I can’t. Because If I let you go on being ignorant, you’re going to be out with your dumbass friends somewhere and say some stupid shit like “LOL DUDE ARE YOU GONNA RAPE ME OR SOMETHING (I literally can’t even construct a rape joke, how is it even supposed to be used as comedy) and you’re going to fucking trigger somebody, and that trigger can be enough for them to kill themselves after having a shitty week, so I can’t just sit there and let you be ignorant” 

Sadly, there’s nothing else I can do to actually stop their ignorance, but I can hope that the amount of open minded people who are actually compassionate and have some sort of conscience rises up, and these victims of rape, and other forms of sexual abuse can have people there for them. 

To all my friends in the punk community who supported me on this status, thanks a lot. It makes me glad that I’m seeing change happening in my friends who are getting into the music, and other people. Where the scene is eliminating things like rape jokes, the use of offensive terms like faggot, and even the rise of veganism and not eating meat. Ya’ll are inspiring me to be a better person, and my friends, as well. 

And To all my friends who aren’t in the punk community, but still supported my status, thanks for not being ignorant, and not being an asshole. I’d hug you all if I could. 

The whole point of this post was not only for me to vent, but a friendly reminder that you don’t have to be an asshole in this world. Your actions affect others, and please be the change you want to see in this world. And don’t give any piece of shit the time of day if they joke about rape. 

//End rant.

Things you learn as a male rape survivor.

- Feminist do everything they can to erase your experience.

- You are very unlikely to be taken seriously or even believed.

- You will be told you should have been grateful someone wanted to fuck you if your rapist happened to be female.

- You will be harassed or assaulted if you try to talk about it.

- You will be told now you know what every woman feels.

- That those who you thought would be there for you will turn their backs on you & the ones who you least expect will be the ones to help you pick up the pieces.

anonymous asked:

Your rapist should have killed you.

Lmao let me start of firstly with if you’re that low to tell a victim that, then you need to find some new hobbies. 

Honestly, I can’t even get mad. This isn’t causing anxiety, triggering me, ect… nothing. What am I doing right now then you might ask? Eating my second twinkie, admiring a drawing a friend did for me of an OC of mine (Like goddamn its so good) and watching netflix at 3 am. And you? You’re here. And how honestly fucking sad is that?

I’m not going to lie to you. I wanted to die when it happened. I wanted to commit suicide and end my life. I constantly thought to myself, “Why me? Why did I deserve this? Why didn’t they just kill me?” and honestly thought I was better off being dead. I was in a shitty place for a long time. I had nightmares. I couldn’t go outside. I had to move. Change schools. Go out less. 

But now? I couldn’t be happier with my life. I might have my moments but that’s because I’m human. 

My friends freaked out when I told them about this message. They honestly want to strangle you. But me? I honestly think you need more help than me. I can’t even get mad towards you. I mean, I even have the whole ‘stat counter’ thing on my blog that tells me your IP and where you live. I can look at it and post it wherever I want buckaroo. But will I? No. Why not? Because. Im not going to stoop to your level. I’m obviously stronger than you. 

I was raped, abused, and left for dead all at the age of 15. But I came out stronger than you. That’s clear. You can’t even come off anonymous to try and make me feel shitty that I lived.

I’m 18 now. I have a nice job. I have 3 cats and a dog I spend probably too much time with spoil too much. I get paid to do what I love now and bring joy to people when they see they’re OTP or OC’s in my stories. I have amazing friends that love me regardless of what I’ve done in my past. 

And you? Honestly, if you’re that low in your life, talk to someone.

What happened to me, happened. There’s no denying it and I accept it. But it doesn’t define me and determine how I feel towards life now. I am a survivor and a fighter. What are you?

The man who molested me at a young age got married today. On my Facebook (I’m long time friends with his family) all i see if everyone talking about how wonderful he is and how much of a great person he is. The same man who ruined my trust of men and made me have so many panic attacks. The man who abused a friend of mine for years and threatened to rape us countless times. Who at school would watch me like a hawk and then come into my group of friends with the “oh where is my hug? My feelings are hurt.” I can’t handle this right now. He is not a good person and it just makes me really upset. He deserves to be in prison.

at my school last year, every year 10 student had to attend an anti-rape seminar. boys had one seminar, girls had another (on separate days). my boyfriend and i went to them and swapped notes. both were hosted by the same man (an ex-police officer). for the girl’s seminar, we were taught the warning signs of possible assault, how to tell if a drink is spiked, and ways to get out of an unwanted situation. we were also taught about how to go to the police in an abusive relationship and told over and over it isn’t our faults, it is our partners fault and we shouldn’t protect them. the boys were taught that you need to keep it in your pants, and were also taught about being raped and how to prevent it (because men being raped is just as big of an issue as women being raped). 

we were taught how to prevent rape. how to be confident in ourselves, we were taught how to DEFEND OURSELVES.

they were taught why they shouldn’t assault women, why it’s always better to just take the extra steps and NOT RAPE. 

why isn’t everyone taught this at some point in their lives?

Hot n Cold is disgusting I always knew, but I just looked at lyrics again. It actually condemns people for bipolar and depression symptoms and anxiety. Katy Perry how many gross songs did you manage to fit in that album, holy shit? I swear every song is a gem.

I never thought about it but my recent experience made me think about it but all these songs from all these bands complaining about partners who keep changing their minds is basically shaming people for not being sure about their comfort with romantic and sexual situations, and it is reinforcing rape culture, how?

By saying that once a person has consented (read: badgered into) a sexual act or a new level of intimacy they’re not sure of, they are obligated to continue those acts or levels of intimacy lest they become the subject matter of these songs, accused of toying with their partners feelings, so now 1) these people feel compelled to do things they don’t want once they’re “hooked” 2) in the future they will be afraid of exploring healthy intimacy and sexuality because they fear that obligation or of being guilted into staying in uncomfortable situations.