Ranata Suzuki

That’s the worst part… the bad days. The days when you can’t hide it behind a smile and you feel like you’re bringing people down. The days when you have to ask for help and you feel like a burden….
Those are the days I’m running on empty.
Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation…  Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy. 
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.
—  Ranata Suzuki

Please don’t worry about me. I’m just a little tired from being strong all the time… Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like to be taken care of… for someone to wrap me up in a blanket, hold me while I cry and tell me that they love me and that everything will be alright. But for some reason, whenever anyone asks me if I’m okay – I always say I’m fine!? I think deep down I’m afraid…. Afraid that if I reach out for help, I might be let down… or afraid that if open up, all the pain I’ve been holding inside will come flooding out and I won’t be able to stop it. I think that’s possibly the biggest paradox of having strength… that sometimes you spend so much of your energy being strong for yourself and others that it ultimately weakens you to the point where you feel you have nothing left to give… That’s how I’m feeling right now – but give me time and I know I’ll be okay. I’ll push through like I always do… because I’m strong…. and I don’t know how to be any other way.

Ranata Suzuki

You’ve lost someone you thought was the love of your life and I know you think it will hurt like this forever, but I promise you it doesn’t. I’m not saying you’ll suddenly wake up one day and it’ll be like it never happened – because it won’t…
There will always be a loss, there’s no if’s or but’s about that. If you lose an amazing person from your life – that leaves a hole in your heart that nobody else can ever fill… You can find happiness, you can find other people and things to fill your heart in other places… but the space that belonged to that person will always be empty. Because human beings are unique and complicated creatures, and when you combine two of them together you get a love that is just as unique and therefore irreplaceable. So don’t try to replace them because you can’t… and get out of the mindset that you’ll never love anybody as much or that no other relationship will compare to what you’ve lost. You don’t love people ‘more’ or ‘less’ than each other – you just love them differently.
The way you love somebody else will be different yes – but it will not be ‘more’ or ‘less’ or ‘better’ or ‘worse’… just different… and that’s okay. You will find love again, but it’s never going to be the same love… and it’s only when you’re able to accept that and open yourself to the idea, that you’re finally ready to move on.
—  Ranata Suzuki | Don’t say you’ll never love again

I want to tell you about my day…

Originally posted by findyourownhappyending

I want to laugh with you about yours…

Originally posted by thegreatficmaster

But all the days start and end the same.

Originally posted by frozen-delight

They all begin and end without you.

Originally posted by weallneedcastiel

( Ranata Suzuki )

Everyone has that one person they can’t quite get over.
You can move forward with your life, you can find happiness elsewhere but every once in a while your mind will always linger back to this person. It just feels… unfinished… like there are things left unsaid.
But the funny thing is, even if you find this person and say all the things you want to… even if you do this time and time again, you will never get rid of that feeling. You will always feel unsettled and uneasy about the way it ended because the truth is it’s not about anything left unsaid or undone… What’s unresolved has nothing to do with words or actions – it’s your feelings. And it doesn’t matter how many times you go back to this person, weather you confront them or write them a letter or call them on the phone to say the things you feel you need to say to get closure… none of it will make a difference because deep down inside, for better or for worse… this person will always have a piece of your heart. Nothing you say or do will ever change that and it’s pointless to try so you may as well accept it.
No matter what you do… it will never be over between you.
Everyone has that one person they can’t quite get over. You can move forward with your life, you can find happiness elsewhere but every once in a while your mind will always linger back to this person. It just feels… unfinished… like there are things left unsaid. But the funny thing is, even if you find this person and say all the things you want to… even if you do this time and time again, you will never get rid of that feeling.

You will always feel unsettled and uneasy about the way it ended because the truth is it’s not about anything left unsaid or undone… What’s unresolved has nothing to do with words or actions – it’s your feelings.

And it doesn’t matter how many times you go back to this person, weather you confront them or write them a letter or call them on the phone to say the things you feel you need to say to get closure… none of it will make a difference because deep down inside, for better or for worse… this person will always have a piece of your heart.

Nothing you say or do will ever change that and it’s pointless to try so you may as well accept it. 
No matter what you do… it will never be over between you…
—  Ranata Suzuki // Yuuki about Kaname
The moment you let somebody into your heart you’re taking a risk…
Not everybody’s going to hurt you of course but from the moment you begin to care for someone you’re giving them that power and whether or not they use it is completely beyond your control. It’s terrifying I know – but it’s the risk you take when you love somebody. That’s not a negative attitude on life or love – that’s just how it is and sometimes you win and sometimes you lose.
When you lose it feels like you always lose… like every relationship ends in tears and that this is just the latest in a long line of risks that didn’t pay off. But there was happiness before it ended – if there wasn’t you wouldn’t be so upset about it, so it’s not really a loss because you had love. Not everything has to go the way you wanted it to for you to have gained something valuable. Trust me, the longer you live the more you’ll realize that life rarely goes the way you want it to… but that doesn’t make it a loss.
It didn’t work out and it hurts I know, but take it from me – you didn’t lose. You had love, you had happiness, you opened your heart and connected with another human being and just because it didn’t last forever doesn’t mean it wasn’t worthwhile. The people who lose are the ones who close their heart or don’t know how to love… The ones who lose are the people who will never have the happiness you’ve had because they live in emotional isolation and will never experience what it’s like to have a connection with somebody…
You may have been hurt, but you were brave enough to open your heart in the first place and one day, when you’re ready, I hope you open it again for somebody else… because the only way you lose is if you don’t…
—  Ranata Suzuki | Love is worth the risk
Sometimes I have days where everything seems to go wrong in every area of my life all at once and all I want to do is cry.
I don’t know if it’s from frustration or anger or just every imaginable emotion I keep bottled up inside trying to express itself all at once… but whatever it is, that urge to break down in tears is overwhelming.
I never do… at least, not at the time and certainly not in front of anybody else because I know I can’t. I have too much riding on me… there’s too many people that rely on me and not enough time for the luxury of a breakdown. But I would do anything to be allowed to fall apart just once and have somebody else pick up the pieces.
But that’s not who I am. I’m the strong one. I’m the one who supports everyone else and fights to keep everything together.
I’m the kind of person who cries and pretends they don’t. I act like I’m invincible when in reality I cry alone in my car, in bathrooms and when other people fall asleep. I’m the one who pulls myself together every time when in reality… I’m falling apart inside and would give just about anything for somebody to hold me together…
—  Ranata Suzuki  “Falling apart inside”
I just wanted you to know that you were my first waking thought this morning….
… and I hope you have the most beautiful day
—  Ranata Suzuki