fake ah crew story where gavin goes overseas to visit his family for a week in the winter, and when he comes back he has the flu. unfortunately, he doesn’t realize it for the first 12 or so hours that he’s back in the penthouse, so he flits around, doling out sloppy “i missed you so much” kisses and stealing bites of their food and sips from their drinks and sitting in jack’s lap–just generally being gavin–except for ray, because ray doesn’t like to be touched and kissed and generally fucked around with. so gavin gives ray one genial high five, and everyone is glad to have gavin home. 

and then by the next morning, gavin wakes up and his whole body aches and something is so off and in a pathetic voice he tells jack he has to go to the hospital. jack brushes him off and calls kdin instead. their mob doc shows up at the penthouse, takes gavin’s temperature, listens to his symptoms and tells him that he has the flu. kdin disappears for a few minutes and then comes back up with a cardboard box full of pill packets with instructions written in spanish. jack asks him what the hell they are and kdin says “mexican tamiflu.” jack asks him why the hell he’s giving gavin so much and kdin says “it’s not for gavin. if gavin has the flu, you’re all gonna have the goddamn flu. drink plenty of fluids, no heists for a week, and everyone should take a full course of this stuff.” and then kdin is backing out of the apartment quickly, before anyone can ask any more questions or, say, shoot him for being the bearer of bad news. 

fast forward 24 hours and everyone but ray is miserable. michael and gavin have stolen everyone’s blankets and bedspreads (except geoff’s, the boss waved them away with a shotgun and a snarl) and have dragged them into the living room where they’ve created what looks to be by all accounts a blanket fort. they’re huddled inside and nobody has heard anything but sniffling and coughing from them for hours.

finding themself without blankets, jack has crawled pathetically into geoff’s bedroom and negotiated their way into his bed by offering most of a bottle of whiskey, a box of cheezits, and the good kind of kleenex with the lotion in them. geoff pours nyquil and whiskey into a mug and they pass it back and forth in front of some old black and white movie until they fall into a deep sleep. they only wake up when someone sneezes loudly and shakes the entire bed, and it takes them a minute to sort out who’s there with them. of course it’s ryan: bare-faced and spooning geoff. nobody has the heart to question it or kick him out of bed at that point–they all just feel like such shit. jack passes him what’s left of the nyquil cocktail.

ray only comes down from the roof (where he’s huddled poolside under a cabana with an inflatable mattress, an extension cord, a cooler, and a nintendo ds) every 10 or so hours to make sure nobody has died yet and everyone took their tamiflu. each time, he dons a full face mask and gloves, steeling himself as if he’s about to enter battle. (one time he makes his rounds and everyone is asleep. he uses his phone to take pictures of all of them in various states of snuggling undress, realizing it might be useful for future blackmail.) on the second day, they send him out for supplies and ray holds the delivery driver of a gatorade truck at gunpoint, making the man load six pallets of the drink onto a stolen pickup truck. 

It’s What We Call the Truth

a month-late birthday gift for naervaez.

warning for major character death, eating disorder, selective mutism.

summary The chopper goes down, mid-heist, with Geoff in it. The fallout isn’t pretty, and none of them are phoenixes. That is to say, it’s unlikely any of them rise from the ashes. Or, if they do, we’ll call it a goddamn miracle.

excerpt “We’re done, Ryan. The Fake AH Crew is over.”

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Anyone want me to write some pirate au fics? I’ll take requests–
I was thinking it would be Captain Ramsey with his first mate Patillo and Ray, the stowaway who was allowed to stay aboard because he can read maps hella well and his sarcasm and dry wit makes the ship more bearable.
And then they catch Ryan and at some point, Michael and Gav try to storm the ship and save him and all that shit.
Sooooooo yeah. Send me some asks if you wanna see something in particular I guess.

aledagio caramellody

Quick sketch of a redraw from a Fight Club screenshot to go with my Fight Club au (yes that’s still a work in progress).

Here’s the pic I worked from if anyone was interested~

i haven’t been able to stop thinking about this, so i’m gonna share it with all of you: you know that one au that’s like “your soulmate’s last words are tattooed on your body”?

so my brain took that and said, “okay, but what about that with immortal fake ah crew?”

because, god, i’m just imagining the sheer number of words? ray’s got them sprawling down his sides in neat columns in fine print. geoff has them circling his arms, from his shoulders down to his wrists like tat sleeves. gavin’s got them scattered all over, collarbones and hips and fingers and behind his ears.

some of the words are ridiculous. laughable. “you know what, i think i did forget to pack parachutes.” “fifty bucks says i can make that jump.” michael’s got “oh, fuck me” on his lower back like a tramp stamp and displays it proudly.

others hurt. “go! go, get out, i’ll hold them off.” “fuck, i’m sorry, i’m so sorry.” ryan finds “oh, god, don’t let him see my body like this” and something in his chest aches finely.

jack’s the one who finally makes them all chronicle them, dozens of pictures in a book they all pour over, grimacing and laughing in equal measures. 

(“you know, i think most of these are gavin’s.”


“yeah, you could say fucking any of these in a british accent and i’d believe it. fucker dies like three times a day.”


you know all those fucking magical soulmate aus where there’s a mark on your body (usually your wrist) that clues you into your soulmate? whether it’s their first word or their name or their hair color or whatever. ANY of those AUs, take your pick.

just imagine. IMAGINE. imagine it with micheoff. imagine the first TWELVE YEARS of geoff’s life. everyone around him being BORN with their marks, or getting their mark so early in their lives that they can’t even remember a time without it.

geoff bonding in fourth or fifth grade with other kids who don’t have a mark yet. and then slowly… they each get theirs. and geoff tries to be excited for them. but the older they get, the meaner kids are about him not having a soul mate mark. by the time he’s in sixth grade, the party line on geoff is that he’s so goddamn unlovable that a soulmate for him doesn’t exist and never will. 

and geoff just being sad and world-weary at ELEVEN because this stupid magical soul mate system has fucking fucked him over and all he wants is to be a kid and not worry about who he’s going to love when he’s an adult but it’s the topic of conversation for everyone around him and goddamn it he just doesn’t wanna be a freak anymore.

and then during the summer after he turns twelve, he wakes up one morning WITH A MARK. and he’s so relieved and so happy and he doesn’t even think about the fact that the mark indicates that there’s another person out there with his mark–he’s just so relieved that he’s not an outcast and finally he’s going to stride into the first day of the seventh grade and show off his mark and prove to everybody that he’s not unlovable and he’s just like everybody else. 

and then when he shows up on the first day and rolls up his sleeve to show everybody his brand new mark, the first thing out of their mouths is “HAH geoff’s soul mate is a BABY” and geoff is internally screaming just like “holy shit they’re right, fuck, my soul mate is like a month old, what the fuck kind of fucking system is this, god i cannot goddamn win” 

geoff in high school realizing that he’s not legally or morally gonna be able to fuck his soul mate–even if he meets them–until he’s GODDAMN THIRTY YEARS OLD. 

and so fifteen year old geoff is like “you know what? fuck it. fuck the soul mate system. my soul mate has been fucking me over my whole life and i hope i never even meet them” 

and as soon as he’s old enough, he starts getting tattooed because he doesn’t even want to acknowledge the mark system, fuck this stupid thing that defines him, fuck this stupid mark that’s been messing up his life, he’d rather be covered in ink than even acknowledge the stupid thing. and his whole worldview and view of love is colored by this fucking mark and how it has fucked him over as a kid and how arbitrary and stupid it is. 

and while his peers are going on these epic journies to find their soul mates, he just goes where he wants and doesn’t pay attention to the mark and does what he wants and sneers at the fucking wedding announcements and facebook posts about finding true love–and it’s a HUGE part of society since the vast majority of people have marks, it’s just built into what you do–so the older he gets, the weirder it is that he doesn’t have a soul mate and he’s not looking for one, and he just keeps cutting all ties and moving every year, he’s so mad, he’s furious about this whole unfair stupid system. 

and then when he’s in his late thirties, some kid shows up on his doorstep with suitcases, scowling at him when he opens the door, like “YOU ARE THE MOST ENORMOUS FUCKING ASSHOLE ON EARTH, YOU TATTOOED HIPSTER PIECE OF SHIT” and geoff just like “sorry, do i know you?” and michael (because of course it’s michael) frowning and rolling up his sleeve and shoving his mark in geoff’s face like “YEAH I’M YOUR SOULMATE YOU FUCKING DEADBEAT, DO YOU EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW HARD YOU MADE IT TO FIND YOU?”


The calm before the storm.

He leaned his face closer until their noses were touching and Gavin was practically squirming under him as he laughed softly. “Do you want,” Michael paused to place one kiss on Gavin’s lips, “me to stop?” and then another, and another, and another, until he moved up to do the same process around Gavin’s face. 

From Dirty and Clean Chapter 25 by mogarsjones! I caught up the other day and wanted to draw this scene in particular and remember it because of what happens to everyone later. And it’s just really darn cute. This fic is really fantastic and I love it a lot, give it a read if you haven’t already! <3