this chapter is very disturbing and different from the
previous chapters I wrote based on my own experience.
You may choose not to read. You’ve been warned.
It happen 3 years ago. Kinda in the same timeline after Cyrus. I
remember it was drizzling outside my house while I was desperately looking for
fun. Well the blame was on me, I was way too young and naive.
Desperately wishing the water would come out clean faster than
usual in the bathroom while waiting for replies on Grindr. And here comes the
notification that leads me to a place where now I wish I wasn’t there.
As desperate for sex as I could. I replied him saying :
Me : Yes. Fun tonight
He’s a Chinese in his early 30′s , Spiky hair, average height,
chubby. We exchanged numbers and sent him my address. It was still drizzling
outside as I gotten into his car. We talked in the car as he drives to a Motel
quite far away from my place.
Waze : You’ve arrived at your destination.
Chill wind blowing at me when I got out from the car. As we walk
into the motel checking in, I noticed there were quite a few stalls of Mamak
(Food Store) across the street, I was looking outside the street while he was
checking in, out of a sudden I had a mixed feeling, paying very little
attention of what I felt at that point of time with my eyes busy observing the
people by the street as he interrupted me with a pat on my shoulder :
Jack : Lets go (pats on my shoulder)
Taking the lift up to the 3rd floor. The hallway was paint red
with deemed lights gave me an eerie feeling. Telling myself :
Me : (”This is nothing right, its just fun. Nothing weird”)
(trying to calm myself)
As I step foot in the motel room, I was wide-awake as if someone
just slap me at my face giving me a wake up call.
“What am I doing here?”
“Where the hell am I ?”
“No its just fun. You need to calm the fuck down”
Still amidst of denying what I felt. He was already kissing me
before I knew what happen. That moment I stop overthinking and just go with it.
Forcing myself to shut my eyes and just feel his lips on mine, his hands were
touching my body all over, from the back to my nipples, slowly under my pants
touching my hole. Leaning me towards the bed and took off my shirt, he was
kissing me all over my body. Licking my neck , my nipples, as he took off my
pants and undies revealing my cock which was not erected. He stroke it with
hands and manage to get it semi-hard as he puts in into his mouth sucking it.
We switched position as I was sucking his dick. For the very
first time I actually felt disgusted and didn’t enjoy sex at all. The feeling
that I was trying to deny was getting stronger and stronger as I suck his dick
with 0 passion driven.
“I don’t want this”
but I have to finish this quick so I could just go home already.
I initiated by putting the condom on his dick and lube myself, riding him as badly as I want him to cum fast and with my eyes closed because I
can’t bare to see this anymore. Until I smelled something very distracting that
make me opened my eyes. Seeing him holding a small glass bottle of liquid
sucking up the smell with his nose while he was joy in a weird way, I was
literally freaking out inside
“What the fuck is that?”
We switched to military position as he fucks me I felt awful and
pain. Wishing he would just cum and end this already. His sweat were
dripping all over and panting saying :
Jack : Ha…Ha…(panting) have you been fuck for more than 3-4
times a night?
Me : Ahh..(Fake moaning) No
Jack : Well I’m gonna fuck you the whole night tonight haha.
It gave me chills when he said that. As if he meant it. It was
my fault for stepping in this room and I’m scared. As I continue fake moaning
wishing he would just cum already, his hands reaches for that small glass of
bottle with liquid and violently forcing me to smell it even tho my hands were
pushing it away.
Jack : Just smell it , its nothing (forcing me to suck the smell
of the liquid)
Me : I dont want to ! (pushing it away but failed, I was so
The smell was terrible and it made me felt dizzy, there were a
little dripping left on my face its in the form of oil but I swear it smell
awful. Someone finally heard my prayers as he let out a moan and cummed in the
He walked off to hit the shower and I was covered in cold sweat
on the bed feeling so misery for the first time. I packed all my stuff into the
bag and thinking hell lots of plans to leave this room. As I was packing my
stuff, my curiousity hits me saying :
“Do I want to check what he has in his bag ?”
Unzipping his bag carefully I saw a few bottles of that liquid and
some sex toys. Sound of the tap
water running from the shower room, trying very hard to keep this shit together
and not panic. I initiated a conversation while he’s in the bathroom.
Me : Hey. Wanna grab something to eat down stair later ?
Jack : Sure I am hungry.
YES. All I could think of was dining in at a place and I can
walk off saying I want to get something from the 7-11 or any convenient store.
As he got out from the shower room, I try to avoid any eye contact and just
cool my head with cold water flowing on me. Wipe myself dry with a towel and
get dress up in a fast pace wishing just to leave. Just when i was about to
opened the door
Jack : Why do you wanna bring your bag along ?
Me : Oh I don’t feel comfortable leaving my belongings here.
I could feel my palm sweating, hoping that he didn’t sense
anything fishy. As I step foot outside the motel. In a sigh of relieve, I could
finally breathe in fresh air. On our way walking to Pappa Rich (a restaurant),
I can’t believe it with my eyes. There ain’t a single convenient store that I
saw. Fuck. And I cant think of any excuses to leave !
As we sat in. I only ordered a drink and still looking around
“What now ?”
Jack : You not eating ?
Me : Er ya. Just feeling like drinking something cold.
As the waiter brought his food to the table, I quickly borrow
this chance since he will be busy eating as a distraction.
Me : I need to go to the toilet.
Jack : Ok.
Slowly removing myself from the chair, my sweaty palms were
reaching for my bag. Hoping he don’t see me taking it with me to the toilet. I
don’t know if he did or didn’t saw it but I went to the toilet anyway. It
stinks and I just hate myself so much right now in this position. In the
cubicle I cautiously open the door because I don’t know if he would see me by
the time I leave the toilet. But I cant see clearly because I was just in
“Screw it. Just run”
And I did. Leaving the restaurant from another door. Slowly
picking up my phase and I was running fast. Real fast. I didn’t know where I
was I didn’t know where to go but I just want to stay as far as I could from
him and the motel. It was still drizzling outside and I couldn’t care less. My
legs did not stop even if I am dead tired. Terrified by what I felt I look at
my watch, Fuck its almost 12 am where do I flag a taxi at this time ?!
Standing by the traffic praying to see a red or yellow taxi
could pass by and even when the world is covered in darkness there is light. I
saw a taxi driving towards the junction. My hopes was all up and wishing I
could just take a ride home already !
“oh fuck. It was taken fuck !”
Still in panic, I took out my phone and called my bff wishing he
would pick up his phone in this ungodly hour and expected he didn’t pick up !
As I saw another taxi driving towards I was praying real hard to
whoever is up there please just let me go home !
“oh dear lord. the taxi driver is a women”
I had a bad feeling about it by the time she drove near me. It
was stilling raining and I was in fear and wet. the traffic lights turn red as
she stops. and I was pointing at the empty backseats hoping she would let me
She waved a ‘No’ gesture to me,
And for the first time my heart sank so deep that my tears could
rush out any moment. My phone started ringing non-stop and god knows who is
calling. I sincerely put my fingers together in a please
gesture. She scroll down her car windows and said :
Taxi Lady : Duduk kat mana ? (Where do you stay?)
Me : ‘Told her my address’ Dekat je kak (Its nearby only please)
As the lights turn green.
Taxi Lady : Masuk la (Just get in)
Words couldn’t express how grateful I felt the moment I sat in
the car. Sure it was cold and shivering, mentally damaged, terrified and my
phone couldn’t stop ringing. But I told myself.
“I’m going to be alright. I’m coming home”
While I was gonna blocked his number he sent horrifying messages
“Where are you”
“You cant hide from me”
I stopped myself from reading it and deleted all of it and
blocked his number. And my phone rang again. How is it possible ?
But turns out it was my bff. I picked up the call.
The moment I heard his vocie throught the phone. My tears was
bff : Are you ok ?
Me : Fuck you…why didn’t you pick up just now (Crying already)
bff : I was at work bitch. Are you crying ? What happen.
Me : Its 12 am and you’re still working ? (Erk kinda out of
bff : Where are you now ?
Me : I had a terrible fun. I’m on my way home now.
bff : See I told you to be careful. (still wanna nag me)
Me : call you when I’m home safe.
As the car stopped in front of my house. The taxi meter was
about RM12 I took out a RM20 note and hand to her saying my most sincere
“Thank you, keep the
Carefully unlocking the doors so that I don’t wake my parents up
at this hour. Took my towel, removed my clothes and turn on the heater.
I’ve never hate myself so much. Like so so much. Scrubbing my
skin where he touches and removing the smell from every inch of my body.
As the shower tap was flowing water ; my eyes was too.
Out of a sudden, I felt nauseated and immediately held on to the
toilet bowl and vomit , gag so badly that it hurts inside. I was so pathetic.
Well my point of writing this story is just to share that not
all my encounters are perfectly godly good sex or hot af sex. I had some pretty
bad times too, I just chose not to write it. Thinking back of this incident
really make me wanna yell at myself.