anonymous asked:

My best friend (who identifies as lesbian), is currently out of the country right now for year long trip. She is in a committed relationship with a girl back here, but has recently developed a crush on a guy in her group and has asked for my advice for what to do. I'm struggling with what to tell her, particularly because I think she could do better than her current girlfriend(not meaning a guy) so I don't want to say anything wrong with my bias against her now girlfriend

Hm.. well I strongly strongly strongly advise against anything that would encourage her to cheat on her partner. Unless someone’s trapped in an abuse relationship, cheating is not okay (and even then a lot of the time I would advise against it just because it’s often not safe and could put them in danger).

With that said, if she is losing interest in her girlfriend or questioning her sexuality, it might be wise to consider breaking up. It’s not fair to string someone along if you’re not feeling the same anymore, and long distance relationships are hard for a lot of people, so it wouldn’t necessarily be out of nowhere. 

I’m very wary around guys who would reciprocate feelings for someone who is self-identifying as a lesbian, because they almost always don’t respect wlw. Like it’s one thing if she’s openly questioning and talking to him about that, but if he’s just flirting with her while only knowing she IDs as lesbian then I don’t trust it at all, tbh. But on the other hand, if she’s questioning if she might be bi or pan that’s 100% okay and if she does decide on dating him or another man if her current relationship ends, that’s her decision and there’s nothing wrong with it. 

I’d say as a friend, your role is to help her 

  1. Stay safe in whatever she’s doing
  2. Avoid causing undue harm to other people in the process
  3. Sort through her complex feelings that might be giving her anxiety by validating and really listening to what she has to say. 

Okay something that honestly annoys the crap out of me are friends that think since you’re out, they can out you to people who you don’t know.

I’ve been out and proud for a little over 3 years now, and I don’t mind telling new people if they ask politely. I don’t mind talking about it with someone who genuinely wants to know and is curious. Please, ask me things. I have no problem with it.

What I have a problem with is walking into a room full of people I don’t know with a friend and the first thing out of her mouth is “hey guys this is Kendall and she’s my lesbian friend.”

Stop right there.

That is not your job. That is not your choice. It is not your prerogative to out me. It is not up to you to decide who knows.

I do not know these people. They’re brand new to me. I don’t know where they stand on topics like this. And honestly, that’s a little scary. I want to take my time and feel these people out before I tell them something like that. It’s my life, only I should get to decide who knows what about it.

This has happened to me on multiple occasions and almost every time afterwords someone has come up to me and said “I’m sorry she did that to you.” I know she didn’t mean any harm by it but it still makes me feel uncomfortable. And I’ve seen it happen to other people and my heart goes out to them.

So please please please please please, if you have a friend who is not cis/straight and you are introducing them to new people, do not start by outting them. Even if they’ve already fully come out, do not rob them of their comfort. Let them do it themselves. It honestly makes a world of difference.


Happy National Coming Out Day!

Whether you are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, pansexual, demisexual, omnisexual, fluid, polysexual, questioning, or anywhere in between, you are all valid.

Stay safe and stay awesome!

The True Bi/Pan/Poly/Ace Agenda
  • Try not to get yelled at by straight people for not being straight
  • Try not to get yelled at by gay people for not being gay
  • Make sure no one finds out that we’re secretly dragons

hey just a reminder to all girls that it’s totally ok to love girls, to have crushes on girls, to find them attractive or cute or enchanting. it doesn’t make you gross or bad or broken; it’s not predatory or backwards to have feelings for women. if you were straight but now think you might like girls that’s totally fine, you don’t have to make a decision about how you identify before you’re ready and it’s ok to be uncertain — you’re completely free to explore your feelings and try out iding as bi or a lesbian and you’re also free to not pick a label at all. it can be scary sometimes but you’re not alone and you’re not doing anything wrong and there are so, so many lbpq women out there — myself included — willing to be your mothers and big sisters and cool gay aunts. we love you and you’re perfect just as you are and as whatever you decide to be 

This week’s pride dragon is for those who are questioning their gender and/or sexuality!  This one was a little tricky, since there isn’t an official symbol or flag for it.  I hope the design I came up with is okay!

The other finished pieces of this series can be found here, and the to-do list here.

This design is also available on TeePublic and Redbubble.