My best friend (who identifies as lesbian), is currently out of the country right now for year long trip. She is in a committed relationship with a girl back here, but has recently developed a crush on a guy in her group and has asked for my advice for what to do. I'm struggling with what to tell her, particularly because I think she could do better than her current girlfriend(not meaning a guy) so I don't want to say anything wrong with my bias against her now girlfriend
Hm.. well I strongly strongly strongly advise against anything that would encourage her to cheat on her partner. Unless someone’s trapped in an abuse relationship, cheating is not okay (and even then a lot of the time I would advise against it just because it’s often not safe and could put them in danger).
With that said, if she is losing interest in her girlfriend or questioning her sexuality, it might be wise to consider breaking up. It’s not fair to string someone along if you’re not feeling the same anymore, and long distance relationships are hard for a lot of people, so it wouldn’t necessarily be out of nowhere.
I’m very wary around guys who would reciprocate feelings for someone who is self-identifying as a lesbian, because they almost always don’t respect wlw. Like it’s one thing if she’s openly questioning and talking to him about that, but if he’s just flirting with her while only knowing she IDs as lesbian then I don’t trust it at all, tbh. But on the other hand, if she’s questioning if she might be bi or pan that’s 100% okay and if she does decide on dating him or another man if her current relationship ends, that’s her decision and there’s nothing wrong with it.
I’d say as a friend, your role is to help her
- Stay safe in whatever she’s doing
- Avoid causing undue harm to other people in the process
- Sort through her complex feelings that might be giving her anxiety by validating and really listening to what she has to say.