Pull Your Pants Up

my first ever session, so I have no idea what to expect

pretty standard opening, you awaken in a dark room..

Lorian: roll a spot check

DM: you see that the room you are in is a cell

Steve (a mage): also roll a spot check

DM: you see that you are also in a cell

Me, Siv (a lazy mercenary): I roll to go back to sleep

DM: really.?. fine. you go back to sleep

Ian Cognito (a halfling): I pull up my pants *rolls a nat20*

DM: …you pull up your pants so far that they fuse to your body. you’ll never need to pull up your pants again nor will you be able to remove them. your life as a walking talking wedgie begins now

How to pick yourself up

So I realized last night that I have this down to a science.

Too busy to shower and feel gross, don’t feel good and it shows outwardly, been cramped inside and no reason to look nice so you put no effort into anything? Same.

1.) Wash and exfoliate your face. Cold water.
2.) Moisturize.
3.) Drink a big glass of water and/or tea.
4.) Put on a few coats of mascara and sparkly earrings if you do that.
5.) Put on a new shirt and leggings or nicer pants instead of sweatpants.
6.) Pull your hair up so you’re not being reminded of its state.
7.) If you can, step outside and breathe deeply. Five seconds in, five seconds out.

8.) Realize that it’s just an episode and your life doesn’t suck. And you’re beautiful or handsome or absolutely rad. Chin up.

The Signs as Brandon Rogers Quotes:
  • Aries: "fuck me right in the asshole"
  • Taurus: "you want to become what? a doctor? I wanted to become a ballerina, you know what i became? HIV positive."
  • Gemini: "well what are you supposed to be, a disappointment?"
  • Cancer: "three years ago my husband went out one night for a beer, but that beer was all the way in Tennessee and had much bigger tits."
  • Leo: "you are the cum-shot I should've swallowed"
  • Virgo: "Try me, bitch"
  • Libra: "I'm gonna shove these up my ass"
  • Scorpio: "boy pull up your god damn pants. I can see Pinocchio and he is tellin the truth."
  • Sagittarius: "suck my left tit, David, you just got yourself another hour."
  • Capricorn: "it's fucking colder than a witches tit out there"
  • Aquarius: "fifth one i found today. I dont know whos drawing these but I'll tell you what, if I had those tits I'd still have a husband."
  • Pisces: "yeah we sell organic kale chips theyre on the homosexual hipster isle next to the recycled toilet paper, you glitter dick"

Happy Birthday Jonathan Daniel Hamm! (March, 10th 1971.)

‘’You know, a lot of people look at me and go ‘Oh my god, you’re so lucky, you have this, you have that, you’re this, and you’re that. Wanna trade places with me? Like, now? Sure. Do you want to do it when I was 23 and living out of my car? And had no parents or prospects? For me, it’s all about understanding that it is not the end of the world. The sun’s going to rise tomorrow. Pull your pants up. Take a shower. Don’t wallow.’’

2ps as Brandon Rodger Quotes

2pAmerica:“Boy, pull up your god-damn pants! The spookiest thing in this store is that a dick that small is in my gene pool!”

2pCanada:“These damn flowers? You can stick these flowers you know where, asshole!” *faceplants into flower bed*

2pEngland:“What’d I tell you about the candyyy? This sweetie gon’ give you diabeetie! No!”

2pFrance:*Looking at Disney Princess mirror* “Have you seen this app? It shows you what you’re gonna look like when you get old and fucked-up.”

2pRussia:“Fuck off, Janet! I’m not going to your fucking baby shower!”

2pChina:“Yeah, I do a lot of drugs!”/ “The hell am I supposed to do with this? I can’t shove this up my ass!”

2pItaly: “Try me bitch”

2pRomano:“You have no idea how hard it is to say ‘stop’ with a dick in your mouth.”

2pGermany:“Chase me!” *runs into a pile of boxes and collapses* “It’s not funny anymore!”

2pPrussia:“See how I was ready for that?!”

2pJapan:“Oh, what are you supposed to be, a disappointment?”

30 second self care for tactile sensory problems

1. Take off your shoes, pull up your socks and put your shoes back on. (Bonus: make sure to toe seam is placed correctly)
2. Pull your pants up, and your shirt and sleeves down.
3. Make sure your pants pockets are straightened out.
4. Bra wearers: Adjust your melons, pull your bra down, adjust the straps, untwist if necessary
5. Underwear: Untangle them, pull them up.

Bonus #2: If you wear a binder and are in a place where you CAN, take it off for a while and breath

If you are feeling anxious or in an uncomfortable situation, excuse yourself to the restroom and try a couple of these. It sounds lame, but you’d be surprised at how many “little things” can contribute to sensory overload, even when you aren’t thinking about it. Take care of yourself guys!!

embarrassing sentence starters.

“ um, that’s not my name actually. ”
“ there’s toilet paper attatched to your shoe.. ”
“ you know, you’re dragging toilet paper with you, right? ”
“ there’s toilet paper hanging from your back. ”
“ could you pull your pants up? your crack is showing. ”
“ i can see your nipples through your shirt. ”
“ you know the bathroom door is wide open, right? ”
“ there’s a nude photo of you all over the internet right now. ”
“ did you mean to send me this nude photo of you? ”
“ yeah, i accidentally sent you a nude, could you just delete it. ”
“ i think you meant to text someone else your nudes, yeah? ”
“ um, is this text message really meant for me? ”
“ oh shit! i’m sorry, my bad, i didn’t think anyone was in here. ”
“ your back side is hanging out from your hospital gown. ”
“ wow, that is literally the smallest dick i’ve ever seen. ”
“ is your vagina always this loose? it just keeps falling out. ”
“ are you okay? you ran into that door pretty hard. ”
“ uh, yeah, i think your skirt is caught in the car door. ”
“ is there a reason your standing in the street bare naked? ”
“ hey, could you pull the bathroom door shut? ”
“ hey! if anyone can hear me, i could really use some toilet paper! ”
“ jesus, put a shirt on! ”
“ you smell like shit, have you showered lately? ”
“ your breath is on foul, seriously, do you own a toothbrush? ”
“ oh, my god! wow, okay, yeah. uhm, ever heard of knocking? ”
“ yeah, i’m trying to use the rest room here, could you leave? ”
“ are you jacking off in the stall next to me? ”
“ wow, could you not peek at me from the other stall?! thank you. ”
“ did i leave my keys at your house? oh nevermind, they’re in my hand. ”
“ hey, just calling to see if you’ve seen my phone anywhere? ”
“ have you seen my phone anywhere? oh wait, it’s in my hand. ”
“ oh, dear! are you alright? you hit the ground pretty hard. ”
“ what’s that stain on the back of your pants? ”
“ oh my god, did you really just fart? ”
“ i think your bleeding through, hunny. ”
“ there’s blood on the back of your shorts by the way. ”
“ your shit is stained yellow, under the arms, maybe you want to change. ”
Not As We Planned

Five weeks wasn’t that long was it?

Well apparently just long enough.

You sat with your chin on your hands, sighing as your elbows dug into the muscles on your thighs. The toilet seat was cold and unforgiving portraying a glorious sight of you, hunched over in the early morning light on the toilet, waiting for that damn stick to dry and tell you everything was fine.

You slowly dragged your body upwards and pulled your pants up, grabbing the stick wrapped in toilet paper from the counter. You lumbered over to the sink, staring at the reflection in the mirror and slowly unwrapping the test.


A plus sign hovered in the tiny plastic window.

You calmly set the bundle of garbage in the trash bin and walked out of the bathroom in a stupor, breath skipping and hands fussing with the hem of your shirt. You picked up a glass of water and sipped gently, staring out over the city.

The clock read 5:34 a.m. and a distant smile graced your face as a small white furball pressed herself to your leg, purring into the material of your pants. You heard the tell tale creaks of Jumin entering the shower before work, and your hands busied themselves with starting coffee. Your eyes remained glassy, dull as life passed by outside of them.

Your glass was placed carefully on the counter, your trembling hands pressed against the counter for strength when Jumin padded quietly out of the bathroom. He smiled and gently graced the crown of your head with a kiss, murmuring “Good morning love, thank you for making coffee.”

You slightly nodded your head toward Jumin, your breath rattling and your heart shaking your entire body with its pulse. You turned towards the bathroom and quickly stormed in, shutting the door behind you. You triple and quadruple checked the plus sign, and then clenched the stick in your fist. You slowly push the door open and take trembling steps towards Jumin, walking to the coffee table in front of him as he read something on his phone.

The table made a soft ping noise was the test was set upon it, and you drew away. Walking briskly to the kitchen to take refuge from the inevitable storm that was about to begin. You drew in a sharp breath as Jumin sat up and grabbed the test, “What’s this lo-”

Jumin sat in deafening silence for ages it seemed, before he stood abruptly and moved to the kitchen. You turned away and avoided eye contact as his breathing picked up and your body began to quake. “MC what is this?”

You smashed your hands into your eyes, trying to hold back the unwarranted tears daring to leave your tear ducts. “Well you can see it can’t you Jumin? What does it look like to you?”

Jumins hands grasped your shoulders and turned you to face him, his grey eyes boring into you with a strange urgency. You melted beneath his stare and as salty tears voyaged down your face you gasped, “I’m pregnant okay? P-pregnant.”

Jumin released your shoulders, and your heart tore at his receding warmth, only to be replaced by his arms hooking behind your knees and knocking you over. His arms held your shoulders and knees, bridal style carrying you to the couch and pressing you against his chest. Your sobs hiccuped out, your chest trembling against Jumin. His chest rumbled with humming, his hands running down your hair and scatters of kisses landed across your cheeks.

“I am not mad MC, I’m overjoyed actually.’

MCs head shot up, eyes wide and red, “This wasn’t supposed to be the time yet, you said so yourself.”

Jumin sighed and pressed his forehead to yours, gazing deep into your eyes, “I said it was not time yet because I was scared. I-I am scared still, I don’t want anything to happen to you or our child but I do want a child. I’ve read too many things about terrible deaths due to birth, and… and I don’t know how I would live without you.”

Your smile spread across your face, happiness reaching from your head to your toes as Jumin held you against him. You nuzzled into his neck and giggles bubbled up from your stomach, “Jumin I love you so much, and I would love to have your child. No matter what the consequences.”

Jumins eyes flew open and he grabbed either side of your face, “I will not lose you MC, you are my everything, I need you to survive.”


Hey guys I’ve been having really bad writers block lately, and I finally got the inspiration to write again after reading some stuff by @promiscuous-jalapeno please let me know if you want more parts I guess?


So your best friend’s a vegetable now
Blah blah blah
But you know what they say:
When life gives you potatoes, make potato salad
And I’ve got just the recipe
HIT IT!!_____

Buckle your pants, Buckle-buckle your pants
Pull up your socks and dance!
Buck buck BAWK BAWK Buckle your pants
Buckabuckabuckabucka buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants, Buckle-buckle your pants
Hey! I said dance!
Buck buck BOK BOK Buckle your pants
Buckabuckabuckabucka buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants!

Boys and girls of all ages!
Buckle your pants
Or they might fall down!

Hey you!
Buckle your pants!
Yes you!
Buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants!
But if you don’t want to
That’s fine-

Buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants!
Or your pants will fall to the ground!-

Buckle your pants!
Just buckle them babies nice and tight please-

Buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants!
Buck buck buck buck buckle your pants-

Buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants!
Buck buck buck buck buckle your pants-

Buckle your pants!
Buckle your pants!
Buck buck buck buck buckle your pants-


Being a part of the Omaha Squad would involve...

#1 hacking their insta and twitter / them hacking you back

#2 Sammy being all flirty

#3 Having those days where you all just laze around in one room the whole day, dealing with your hangovers

#4 Nate constantly teasing you

#5 being mistaken for their girlfriend

#6 “Gilinsky, I need to talk to you about that last snap”

#7 Gilinsky being goofy with you

#8 wearing their clothes whenever they leave something at your house

#9 Johnson giving you advice

#10 getting high together

#11 them asking for your opinion on new music

#12 “Sammy, pull your pants up”

#13 them giving you the dumbest nicknames

#14 being in their snapchats

#15 skating with Sammy and Nate

#16 playing basketball

#17 being good friends with Gilinskys sisters

#18 them randomly showing up at your place and convincing you to come along with them

#19 having long talks with Sammys mom whenever you’re at his place

#20 them having serious discussions about your ass

#21 “No Nate, I haven’t seen your bob marley lighter”

#22 Gilinsky playing your boyfriend whenever you don’t want a guy flirting with you

#23 “Hey Jack?… no, the other Jack.”

#24 having seen each of them naked at some point, because of different drunk/high stories

#25 “Samuel, what the hell are you wearing?”

#26 them getting you the most random birthday presents nobody else would think of giving you, just because you never wish for anything and they know you prefer those random, funny presents

#27 shopping and girl nights out with Emily Wilk

#28 fans asking you to tell them hi / make them recognize em

#29 John being like a brother to you

#30 making fun of Nates clumsiness

#31 Nates younger brother having a crush on you and Nate being annoyed about it

#32 helping Jack & Jack making vines

#33 “Whoa Johnson, you need to talk slower, this is not a rap battle”

#34 “Nice boxers, Nate“

(I added numbers so you can tell me your favs haha ❤️)