anonymous asked:

Is it believable for a pair of opposite-sex friends to sleep in the same bed and never have sex cross their minds? My characters are childhood friends who don't think of each other romantically, but they've ended up in a motel room with one bed and neither wants to make the other sleep in the tub. I've heard men and women can't be just friends, so how plausible is it really for them to sleep together platonically like that, or for that matter think of each other that way?

Incredibly, characters of any gender are capable of being platonic friends with one another, regardless of sexual orientation.

It’s perfectly plausible for them to be able to sleep in the same bed without sex ever crossing their minds.

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Relationship Check Up

A healthy relationship means that both members of the couple are…

1. Communicating with each other: Talking about problems without screaming and shouting; listening to each other, and respecting their viewpoint; being willing to adapt and to sometimes change their mind.

2. Showing respect for one another: Valuing the other person’s culture, beliefs, viewpoints, opinions and boundaries. Also, treating each other in a kind and caring way.

3. Demonstrating and conveying trust: Each person is trustworthy and trusts the other person – because they have been shown that they are worthy of that trust.

4. Honest with each other: Both are open and honest – but are private as well; and they don’t demand the other person tells them everything.

5. Equals: They make joint decisions and treat each other well. No person calls the shots or determines all the rules.

6. Able to enjoy their own personal space: As well as spending time together, they spend time on their own. They’re respect the fact they’re different, and they need their own life, too.

7. Decisions about sex are discussed, and are consensual: They discuss sex together, including birth control. There’s no one individual sets the rules and standards here.

Signs of an unhealthy relationship

An unhealthy relationship develops where one, or both, of the partners is…

1. Failing to communicate: Problems are ignored, or not talked about at all. One or both don’t really listen, and they rarely compromise.

2. Acting in ways that are disrespectful: One or both are inconsiderate toward the other person; and they don’t behave in ways that send the message that they care.

3. Refusing to trust the other person: One or both is suspicion of their partner’s loyalty. Hence, they make false accusations, or won’t believe the truth.

4. Acting in a way that is dishonest: One or both is deceptive, or they lie and hide the truth.

5. Acting in a controlling way: One person thinks that they should set the one who rules, controls the other person, and say how things should be.

6. Beginning to feel squashed and smothered / cutting themselves off from friends and family: One partner is possessive, or feels threatened and upset, when the other’s with their family or spends time with their friends.

7. Attempting to pressurise the other into sexual activity / refusing to talk openly about birth control: One partner wants the other to participate in sex, or to engage in different practices against that’s person’s will. Or, one of the partners stops using birth control, or expects the other person to “take care of all that.”

Signs of an abusive relationship

An abusive relationship develops when one of the parties…

1. Starts to communicate in ways that are abusive: When arguments occur, one of the partners screams and cusses, or they verbally threaten or attack the other person.

2. Shows disrespect through acting in abusive ways: This is where one of the partners abuse, harms or threatens the physical safety of the other individual.

3. Wrongly accuses their partner of flirting or cheating: One of the partners is convinced – with no real grounds – that their partner is cheating or having an affair. Thus, they lash out verbally, or hurt, the accused partner.

4. Refuses to accept responsibility for the abuse: When they fly into a rage or act in ways that are abusive, they miminise their actions and refuse to accept blame. They may even blame their partner for “causing the abuse.”

5. Starts to control the other partner: One partner has no say as the other sets the rules – and arguing against that simply leads to more abuse.

6. Does what they can to isolate their partner: One partner has control of who the other person sees, the way they spend their time – and, even, clothes they buy and wear. Thus, they start to lose their confidence and personality.

7. Forces sexual activity: The frequency, type and circumstances for sex are determined by one partner – and the other must comply. If they don’t acquiesce it leads to violence or abuse. Also, sometimes violence is included in the sex.

“And you will find in everyday life that there is a very clear distinction between people who always seem to be self-possessed and people who are dithering and nervous and don’t quite know how to react in any given situation—always getting embarrassed. Because they have their lives too strongly programmed! 

This is a common marriage argument: ‘You said you would do such-and-such a thing at such-and-such a time, and now you’ve changed your plans.’ [It’s] not that the change of plans really caused any inconvenience. [It’s] just the feeling that when you say you will do something at a certain time you ought to do it at that time come hell or high water! Well, that’s being very unadaptable. That’s being a stone, kind of sticky thing. 

If it after all doesn’t matter when we do it, and somebody is offended because the time has been changed, that’s simply because they are attached to punctuality as a fetish. This is one of the great problems. This causes many automobile accidents—men rushing home to be on time for dinner when they stayed late either working or they had to stop for a drink at some bar…

… or when the girl feels that she has a fussy husband and she feels she has to have the dinner ready at exactly a certain moment, she ruins the cooking! She’d rather be a faithful wife and a bad cook.

I hope I’m not treading on any toes!”

The federal agencies most responsible for the welfare of people with severe mental illness and substance problems have all failed them miserably. We should turn prisoners into patients, provide easy access to treatment in the community and ensure they have a decent place to live.
—  Dr. Allen Frances, a professor emeritus of psychiatry at Duke. 
Therapist's email

In summary, her email said:

• Me not wanting to talk now is reflecting me as a child being afraid to say what I’m feeling because of the response I feared I would get.
• if I can take a risk and tell her things, and then she responds differently, it will give me a different experience and re-wire my brain
• in order for me to have this new and different experience, she has to wait for me to take the risk at my own pace, and not rescue me thereby taking the opportunity away from me
• she wants me to have the experience of being valued and in control and I’ll get this if I can lead the conversation rather than her directing it
• she knows it’s all really difficult
• but I’m doing great

squirreltastic  asked:

Psychology buddies honestly gives me life and I totally imagine that one time Jon called Harley up to help him spook some people with Coulrophobia during which I'm sure there was puns and word play around "between you, me and mr screamy in the corner this is a regular three ring circus" "I jest you not" "I'd ask you to stop clowning around but that's literally why I asked you to come"

You have the best ideas, I swear. This sounds like it could’ve been a plot for a BTAS episode. Imagine though, somewhere in a dark basemen in an unknown location, sits a man with an extreme fear of clowns. He’s tired up and terrified. A song plays in the distance, he can barely make out lyrics and yet–it seems to penetrate his brain.

Clowns to the left of me,
Jokers to the right, here I am,
Stuck in the middle with you,

As the chorus plays, a man clad in burlap and his lovely harlequin assistant step out of the shadows. Time to play~!

anonymous asked:

Is ASPD an illness or a neurotype, like autism?

Keep in mind that I’m not a medical professional, but I will try to explain to the best of my understanding.

It is somewhere in between.  ASPD (like all personality disorders) is permanent and cannot be cured, though therapy and/or medication can sometimes help control and limit the negative aspects of some personality disorders.  While autism is inborn, people often develop personality disorders in childhood, as a result of (I believe) a combination of experiences and innate predisposition.  In other words, while a personality disorder is rooted in “nature and nurture”, autism is “nature” alone.  However, once a person has developed a personality disorder, their neurotype becomes fundamentally altered.  So although ASPD (again, or any personality disorder) is not always inborn the way a neurotype like autism is, the divergence from the cognitive norm is just as significant and immutable.  I would call ASPD a neurotype, but in a different category of neurotype from something that is necessarily present at birth.

Is there any Evo Psych that isn’t complete horse shit?

Coarsely worded, but I mean this as a serious question for the rest of Science Tumblr, because from my experience every piece of evolutionary psychology I’ve come across is junk science drummed up to give societal inequities ‘scientific explanations’. Basically the same way a lot of human biological science has always operated, but updated for the post-eugenics era and walled off in its own little field to churn out studies on why poc are intellectually inferior and the ‘evolutionary basis’ for why women love the color pink.

There’s a new bit of odium making the rounds on the news sites (don’t you just love how journalists snap up these little ‘science’ tidbits and regurgitate them to the masses in the most disgusting light possible?) under the variations of the headline, “Women Evolved Homosexual Behavior to Please Men According to Science!” I’m not linking to either the study (which is deeply flawed) or the article (which is trash) because I don’t want to give either any press, so here’s a screenshot of one such headline

The headline is meant to be sensationalist, which many headlines about new scientific studies usually are. It’s not clear if whoever wrote this article read/understood the actual study, BUT said study isn’t much better. For one thing it makes the mistake of viewing human sexual behavior only in terms of reproduction (a mistake in the case of many species, not just humans, since sexual behavior is used for many dynamic social purposes). For another, it was trash.

But my original question still stands. Is there any evolutionary psychology out there that isn’t a tire fire? Are there evolutionary psychologists doing good work, not just grafting biological determinism onto what are actually sociological problems?