I have learned that feeling empty sometimes is okay. I’ve got to refill myself with something at some point. Art, love, solitude, random acts of kindness. I really don’t know, but that’s what makes being whole again so exciting.
I still miss you, I do. But I guess in the end I‘m glad we only found each other to fall apart. If we‘d never tried, I would have never known. I would have spent my nights lying awake, wondering what could’ve been if I‘d only been brave enough to take a step towards you. And I did, I did it with my arms opened wide and my eyes pressed shut so tight, I swear I could see the stars. It was scary and new and dizzying, but you kept me tethered to the ground. It was beautiful while it lasted, and I never got the impression that you weren’t treating me right, that maybe I was just too different and we weren’t right for each other. That while I was looking for something to give me peace, you were on the hunt for your next adventure. That while we fit so perfectly, my hand in yours, cheek pressed against cheek, what we wanted from life did not. It’s kind of sad, but it took you walking out of my life for me to finally realise my worth. For the first time I did not think I wasn’t enough or too much. I wasn’t afraid that I said the wrong thing or acted in a way that upset you. We ended quietly, not with a crash and not with a burn. I understood that we didn’t work in the ways that mattered. And somehow, it’s right that we didn’t. Because for weeks that felt like a handful of moments, we fit together like two pieces of a whole.
friends can break your heart too and sometimes they don’t even realise they are doing it. everyone says that the opposite of love is not hate but indifference and that’s what really get me. because we never really fought or hated each other, we just let time and life get between us and there is not a reason why for this distance. and that’s what hurts me the most: not knowing if it’s real or all in my head.
If you love someone and they also love you back, then you must be very real with them. Be honest. Be authentic with what you really would like the relationship to be. There’s no reason to put on some masks for they already love you for who you are. So what is it that you want? Is it affection? Is it deep discussions? Is it showing interest in intellectual pursuits? Is it space and alone time? Adventure? Acknowledgment and appreciation for the kind things that you do? Think about it. Think about it and breathe and then decide. And then go get the love that you truly, truly deserve.