Jian Yi and Zhan Zhengxi, 50 years later
Jian Yi: Hey Zhan Xixi check out how fast I can go down this hill in a wheelchair
~more old couple headcanons~
Jian Yi: Look I got us some Viagra
Zhan Zhengxi: I will poison your medication
Jian Yi: Can you believe it’s our 50 year anniversary
Zhan Zhengxi: *tries lighting up 50 sparklers*
Jian Yi: Zhan Xixi you’re going to set the house on fire…
Jian Yi: Look at all these young whippersnappers
Zhan Zhengxi: Did you actually just call them whippersnappers
Jian Yi: Yeah I’ve always wanted to do that
Jian Yi: He princess carries me when my arthritis is bad
Zhan Zhengxi: I will stab you with this walking stick if you don’t shut it
Jian Yi: Do you remember when we were young and emotionally constipated
Zhan Zhengxi: Were you referring to your gay crisis
Jian Yi: There’s a reason why I said ‘emotionally constipated’
Jian Yi: We’ve been together 50 years and you still get embarrassed when I call you Xi?
Zhan Zhengxi: Stop it! Stop it!
Zhan Zhengxi: JIAN YI! GET OUT OF THE BATH! ITS BEEN 2 HOURS!
Jian Yi: *humming* I can’t hear you, I’m old and deaf!
Zhan Zhengxi: *storms into bathroom*
Jian Yi: And now I’m blind
Jian Yi: *Pretends his dentures is a snapping turtle*
Zhan Zhengxi: My tombstone will read: ‘Zhan Zhengxi, full time babysitter of Jian Yi’
Jian Yi: That would make you a pedophile
Zhan Zhengxi: I pray death comes quickly
Jian Yi: You’re the one who comes quickly…
Zhan Zhengxi: ..I was eighteen, you bastard!