(Pretty) Woman [Bandit OQ; Woman-verse]

In which Robin’s Merry Men find themselves properly schooled on what it is to be a woman. Based on a dialogue prompt from the lovely @lala-kate​: “The only thing you’re good for is annoying me.” 5k. [ffn | ao3]

So many thanks to @belleoftheballpoint for the beta and the squealing over OQ hair porn. ♥

She’s glaring again.

Well – not glaring, strictly speaking, so much as doing that thing where her face goes stone-like and unreadable – but he’s been on the receiving end of such looks often enough himself to know when she’s not terribly pleased about something, either.

He’s not certain what compels him to go and cheer her up a bit, but whatever it is, he’s regretting it immediately as he strides over to her corner table, having to clear his throat several times before she finally bothers looking up at him.

“Hi, Will,” she says, with a rather poor show of enthusiasm, considering all the trouble he’s gone to in approaching her. But he’s determined to see this through now, he is – isn’t Ana always telling him to think a bit less of himself and more about others every once in a while? – and so he settles in beside Regina, props an elbow onto the table and smiles at her in a magnanimous way.

She’s trying very hard not to glance toward the bar again, where Robin has found himself tasked with entertaining some sultry young redhead, an exotic-looking thing who’s already turned multiple heads in the room, with smokily shadowed eyes and a heaving bosom near to spilling out of her lace-trimmed corset (…not that Will’s been paying much attention, really).

As far as Will’s concerned, Robin only appears to be doing his due diligence as a gentleman, no more, no less, smiling politely at the girl and bending gamely to pick up the handkerchief she’s just dropped to the floor with a careless sort of giggle. If his face winds up a touch too close to her chest when he stands upright again, well, who could blame the man when she’s given him so little room to himself in the first place?

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Me: I may have con people call me Bandit.
Mom: Not Bandita?
Me: I’m more used to Bandit, which I specifically chose as a gender neutral name so I wouldn’t have to deal with judgments based on gender. Besides, it was the original name.
Mom: Bandit isn’t gender neutral. It’s male.
Me: Bandit is a gender neutral noun.
Mom: Not if you know things. -walks off-
Me: -sighs- At least I’m not using Ishmael.