If I were the president, I could stop terrorist attacks against the United States in a few days. Permanently. I would first apologize – very publicly and very sincerely – to all the widows and the orphans, the impoverished and the tortured, and all the many millions of other victims of American imperialism. I would then announce that America’s global interventions – including the awful bombings – have come to an end. And I would inform Israel that it is no longer the 51st state of the union but – oddly enough – a foreign country. I would then reduce the military budget by at least 90% and use the savings to pay reparations to the victims and repair the damage from the many American bombings and invasions. There would be more than enough money. Do you know what one year of the US military budget is equal to? One year. It’s equal to more than $20,000 per hour for every hour since Jesus Christ was born.

That’s what I’d do on my first three days in the White House. On the fourth day, I’d be assassinated.

—  William Blum

President Obama and Cecily Strong killed it at Nerd Prom (aka the White House Correspondents Dinner) this weekend

President Obama even had a special visit from his anger translator. 

Ok, we get it. Hillary Clinton isn’t perfect. WE GET IT. No one who is going to run is. No one.

But what exactly do you think you’re accomplishing by finding out people support someone wholeheartedly, whom most of their views and positions you also would probably support, and immediately finding out and “exposing the TRUTH” about what a devil they are? Do you honestly think most people don’t already know she’s not perfect? Do you really think everyone else is that stupid and you and a few other pretentious people on social media are the only smart ones?

And what is your answer? Tell us. There are only 3 possibilities here if you’re an American citizen:
1) Vote for Hillary, who at least is to the left and probably going to support gay, women’s, and recent immigrants’ rights, for the most part.
2) Vote for some asshole, probably overly “religious”, white, straight Republican man who is right-wing, and is probably going to actively work against gay rights, rights for women and women having a say in making the laws that affect women, and immigrants’ rights, while also working to provide the most tax breaks for the super rich, and probably working for looser gun laws. In which case, *sarcastic voice*, oh, you’re right, this is so much better. I’m so glad I found out the truth about Hillary and didn’t vote for her. So much better having this closed-minded cis, straight, conservative MAN in office. You’re right! *slow clap*
3) Don’t vote at all. (Or vote for a third party that you know for a fact will never get even close to enough votes to win, which is, therefore, also basically not voting.) In which case, you are helping nothing. You’re doing NOTHING.

It’s useless and pointless, what you’re doing. Stop. Just stop.