Pokemon HGSS

shit that actually happens in pokemon:

  • a giant castle rises from the ground around the main government building. this is basically peta’s fault.
  • you ride a dragon-god into space to fight a meteor alien. this is plan b. plan a was to send the meteor alien to another dimension.
  • one guy tries to get rid of the oceans. one tries to get rid of dry land. What Happens Next Will Shock You.
  • a dude jumps straight out of the water onto an evil pirate ship, lowers the gangplank, then swims off to let a teenager deal with it.
  • there is a 1/3 chance that a runaway 11-year-old yakuza/mafia prince broke into a laboratory to steal an adorable plant creature.
  • you can buy a useless fish for several thousand yen from a shady salesman. this is actually a very good investment.
  • the devil, the god of death and the bringer of eternal nightmares all really really really like cake.
  • the space cultists would have won if dragon lucifer hadn’t showed up.
  • god is a goat, and if you take it to the right place, it will make you a baby god.
  • the most powerful trainer in the world (a 14-year-old with a pet rat) went up a frozen mountain for no apparent reason. he only comes down after you beat up his rat. this is absurdly difficult.
  • the effective ruler of the unova region is a magical catgirl space princess with a bunch of pet dragons. 
  • there’s a nine foot tall guy wandering around. his height is the least interesting thing about him. and his best friend is a flower fairy.

The plots of all core Pokemon games:

Kanto -  A child single handedly defeats the Yakuza.

Johto - Oops! The Yakuza are back! Oh, another child single handedly defeats them…

Hoenn - A child single handedly stops environmental destruction caused by a gay couple arguing over how to redecorate.

Sinnoh -  A child single handedly stops a misanthropic edgelord from using time and/or space to destroy the universe and remake it in his own image.

Unova 1.0 - A teenager single handedly defeats PETA.

Unova 2.0 - Oops! PETA’s back! Oh, another teenager single handedly defeats them…

Kalos - A teenager single handedly stops a tall, lion man from committing mass genocide.