Victims will almost always be able to admit their own faults. They will know they reacted badly and did wrong. This quality is actually what the abuser uses against them in the first place to make them believe they are the ones in the wrong. Part of healing from abuse is learning to point out which of the abusers behaviors are, in fact abuse, while still acknowledging what you handled badly. (And everyone reacts badly to things when under the extreme pressure of abuse!).
Abusers will almost never admit they have ever done anything wrong at all. Their victims will be blamed for everything. They will hold every tiny thing against the victim, even things they could not possibly control, or they have never tried to talk to them about. They use social bigotries against the victim, and in their own defence. (Especially mental illness is used in this way - they believe their own illness excuses them from every wrongdoing, and their victims illness is proof they are in the wrong).
Why people get trapped by Emotional Abusers & Why it’s not their fault
(these apply to platonic and romantic relationships)
The Emotional Abuser gives you attention: they make you feel flattered, loved and important. You start to believe that they genuinely care about you. They might even think that they do by themselves since they internally justify all their doings. Normally this kind of attachment would lead to a healthy bonding and a closer relationship. With the Emotional Abuser it leads to some levels of addiction and dependency on the victim’s part which is never their fault. Emotional Abuser’s behaviour exploits normal emotional bonding to another human being.
In some point in the relationship you notice that it’s all about their needs. The Abuser might do something that hurts your feelings and bringing it up leads them to reason why it’s actually your fault and why you have to take responsibility for it. They make up convincing excuses why it’s not their job to do it, why it’s absolutely unreasonable of you to ask for it and so on. In other words: they Guilt-trip you. The Emotional Abuser believes they have no responsibility for their behaviour or feelings. If they feel uncomfortable by something in the relationship they will manipulate you to take the blame instead of trying to work things out. Guilt-tripping makes the victim submit and erodes their sense of emotional and physical boundaries since they are made to believe it’s their job to cater on Abuser’s needs.
3. Cognitive dissonance
After the idealization pace the Emotional Abuser will move to a devaluing pace. Catering to their needs is not enough anymore and you feel you can’t do anything right no matter what you do. The pace starts when the Abuser feels you are getting emotionally too close and/or you are trying to hold them accountable for something they have done. Emotional Abusers are afraid of responsibility and in some cases intimacyso they will try to push you away.They use manipulation: Gaslighting and Guilt-tripping to force you into silence and to take all the responsibility for the relationship. They give you Silent Treatment which is justified by some clever excuses. Emotional Abusers believe they are entitled to absolute emotional comfort even when it means abusing other people.
Because you remember how well they used to treat you, your mind has a hard time accepting they are not the person you thought they were. In fact you might start to make excuses for them in your head because they have manipulated you to think nothing is their fault. It is extremely difficult to get away from the Abuser’s emotional trap because they take advantage of the victim’s emotional bonding to them and give false hope that the relationship could be “fixed”. You are misled into thinking that if you just learn not to be so
“needy” and “selfish”, the Abuser will reward you with the loving behaviour they demonstrated in the beginning.
The Emotional Abuser has no intention to take responsibility for what their abusive behaviour has caused you because they have normalized and justified it in their head. Not all of the Abusers are so sure of themselves but need a lot of internal convincing and validation from others so that they can feel good about themselves which is their goal: not having to deal with responsibility or emotional labour. After all Emotional Abusers are not Disney villains but people who are so selfish that they lack of motivation to learn how to not hurt people.
There are two ways how the trap can break: the victim quits all contact with the Abuser or the Abuser leaves the victim. The latter one occurs if the Emotional Abuser feels they have to deal with too much because of the victim. The Abuser might feel threatened by the victim if the victim is making the Abuser feel bad about themself by calling out their abusive behaviour. The Emotional Abuser thinks that they are actually the victim in the relationship because the real Victim is making them feel bad and scared. The Abuser is genuinely afraid that they would have to deal with negative emotions that taking responsibility would require.
In the end the Emotional Abuser ends the relationship with some dramatic note in which they project all their feelings into the victim: you are the abuser, you have harmed them, you have threatened them. This is their way of securing their own emotional well-being as they refuse to acknowledge the reality. Just remember that it was NOT your fault and you are not responsible for their horrible behaviour. While mutually harmful and violent relationships can exist abusive relationships are based on a power imbalance and therefore there is no such a thing as “mutually abusive”. You are nothing like your abuser.
To clarify, there is some personal, non-comics-related stuff going on in my life right now that’s making it hard to focus on comics. So I’m taking a temporary hiatus to focus on it, and fix it, so that I can then get back to being 100% focused on making comics.
I like the bike memes. Please don’t treat me with kid gloves. It’s okay to meme. Meming is not harassment, and my reaction to it is part of what made me realize I need to work on myself & my attitude. So I’m also taking the hiatus to do exactly that.
My initial hiatus announcement came off as dismissive and playing the victim – my bad, seriously. The only person I’m a victim of is myself. I’m not sure how I got so entitled. I appreciate y'all, and having so many people follow my work is an absolute blessing.
TLDR: I’m taking a hiatus to fix some personal stuff, and will hopefully not be coming out with stupid hot takes every month after I sort myself out. I’ll see y'all on the other side of it, and hope that your life is lovely in the meantime. <3
No, Taylor did not cheat; in fact, I might have an explanation for this entire reputation era.
Our best friend Taylor Swift is a mastermind, and we’ve become pretty good at figuring out the rules of her little games, but this era, we have failed pretty miserably thus far.
After Taylor released Gorgeous, my dash went crazy. To be expected when a new song is released, right? But this time, it wasn’t so good. Everyone needed to know if Taylor cheated on Calvin or Tom and when she met Joe – including me.
It took a few listens, but then it clicked. Here’s what I think:
Taylor wrote each song of reputation with clues – but not the kind we’re used to looking for; on reputation, Taylor uses each song to twist her truth with her reputation. She’s so good at it, we didn’t even really notice.
I think that every song on reputation is going to be this way, except, probably the last one. Taylor has to include a purely Taylor song on the album, so it makes sense that it would be at the very end.
The media doesn’t care about getting their facts straight, so Taylor is done with it too. That doesn’t mean she’s lying; she’s just playing the game better than they do.
This is the New Taylor’s idea of revenge. Instead of giving us sweet clues like Maple Lattes (RIP), she’s telling the stories of the past two years in her own way from the power position. If Taylor had given us the literal story of how she met Joe, the media would have found a way to rip her to shreds… so why not take what they are already saying about her and run with that?
For each song, Taylor takes a different rumor and makes it part of her story:
Ready For It: “She’s a heartbreaker”
Look What You Made Me Do: “She plays the victim” (+ more, if you count the music videos)
Gorgeous: “She cheated on Calvin”
Instead of writing a song about how she didn’t cheat on Calvin with Tom, Taylor wrote a song about how she wanted to cheat on Calvin with Joe, even though it’s highly unlikely they had even met.
The clues in this song affirm my suspicions. Sunset and Vine are the cross-streets for the theater where she saw Joe’s movie. That was obviously after they met.
This song IS the story of how they got together, but it’s more than that. It’s the story of how she FELT when they met but TOLD through the lens of her reputation as a cheater.
When you think about it that way, it clarifies a lot from the other two songs we’ve heard.
This is Taylor’s way of speaking her truth, facing the criticism, and being vulnerable. Because Taylor chose to write the album this way – which is more like a musical or novel than the diaries we’re used to – we get to totally focus on her happiness with Joe while still seeing how the rumors of the last few years affected her.
Please reblog, spread the word, and tell everyone what we already know.
brutally honest descriptions of the mbti types based off my experiences with them via a very sleep deprived infp
-commitment issues? haha i’ve never heard of those :))))
-will literally punch a toddler in the throat if they say
they support trump
-so i took the mbti test 7 times and i got infp twice and
entp once?? i don’t really know, because i kind of fit into the infj sterotypes
more, but if you really think about it i’m kind of an enfj? but i also really
relate to isfps, but then again i think i’m too opinionated and logical to be a
feeler, so entp isn’t out of the question, but i also feel like the entj
cognitive functions really fit m
-genuinely love animals and it’s so pure
-hi sorry for not replying, i was in prison :3 also i moved
to norway lol
-actually just the 2007 taco xd random aesthetic irl
-“i just came up with another book plot” texts approximately
every 2.3 hours
-hi i’m melissa i’m a 23 year old art school dropout and i
abuse prescription pills but it’s okay because i have 200 followers on my
grunge aesthetic instagram account. rent me an apartment?
-(talking about veganism to someone at a party) i just don’t
understand how anyone could put all of that stuff in their body :/ *bends down
to snort a line of cocaine*
-actually really artistically talented but much like the
infp they refuse to give themselves any credit for it
-my dream man is someone who goes to coachella with me,
helps me align my charkas, takes sad candid pictures of me, is willing to
backpack around europe with me and my
philosophy class during the summer,
-*googles* why do i share a type with literally every indie
musician that has ever breathed lol
-probably fucked your girl in the back of a vape shop
-if you manage to find one never let them go they are some
of the best people you’ll ever meet
-huge harry potter nerds
-can manage to get you to spill out your entire life story
to them with a concerned glance
-please actually care for yourself for once and a while
literally you do everything for everyone else just take some time for yourself
god dammit you deserve it
-could be literally the most
talented person in the world but would never come close to admitting it
-hi i’m actually just jesus christ
irl! nice to meet you :-)
-they know everything
-like seriously everything it’s kind of scary like calm down
- allows themselves to recognize exactly one (1) human emotion
-can read for hours on end without getting bored and
genuinely loves learning
-are generally dicks tbh especially to the people they love
-they actually aren’t actually the
emotionless robots tumblr seems to display them as, they are actually extremely
emotional in my experience and tend to get offended/upset easily and over small
-sci-fi, cats, and machines >
-cute when they aren’t busy
throwing tantrums/crushing the souls of their enemies
-hi i’m martha, i’m 32 years young,
i like long walks by the beach, yoga, and judging my neighbors for not mowing
their lawn :-)
-tend to be extra™ parents and
their kids can either turn out complete emotional wreck assholes because
they’ve never been disciplined or the happiest child you’ll ever meet, there is
no in between
-they may be complete snakes and
have never came up with an original idea in their entire life but boy can they
make a killer chicken parmesan
-kind of comforting in a
mother-like sense when they aren’t busy being judgmental dicks
-will clean your entire house for
you on a whim
-wow i love being an infj :)) top 1% haha :))
-will literally develop a crush on someone because they say
they know what tumblr is
-constantly switches between their “you can’t control me it
isn’t a phase mom go away >:(( my chemical pilots at the disco saved me xd i
will literally punch a baby fuck the system i’m 2cool4school” persona and their
“i’m such a smol bean :3 save all the animals <333 i love pretty girls and
dogs :))” persona
-“can i txt you back in like 15 mins i’m having an emotional
-actually genuinely empathetic and creatively gifted but
gives themself credit for none of it
-intelligent but fails classes because their teacher said
something that went against their morals
-playing the victim? never heard
of it! :))
-secretly just meme hoarders
-attention whores tbh i won’t even deny it
-o v e r d r a m a t
-hi it’s 6 fucking am and everyone just wants to go back to
sleep or die or both but i’m gonna start an argument with the professor over
the origin of tangerines for no apparent reason
-*googles* how to permanently get rid of my fe in 5 simple
-follow my meme page xd
-so what if i love my dog more than i do myself and my
-this conversation is
boring me i’m gonna go chug a bottle of vodka and binge bill nye the science
guy™ peace out
-have low self-esteems but compensate
through obscure dark web conspiracy theories at 3 in the morning
-shirley i didn’t call you back because you’re a fake ass
bitch not because i didn’t like your lasagna at the block party
-why do i keep physically abusing my crush lol
-and why do i keep yelling i can’t even stop at this point
someone please send help
-they love food more than they do themselves
-hi welcome to my prank youtube
-the type of people to show up to
school with 37 puppies and a knife
-i’m not gay but 20 bucks is 20
-sorry i didn’t show up to school
because you’re fucking stupid
-awe infp is so cute <3 i’ll
destroy them last
-*on the floor, drunk, talking to
their dog* you’re the only motherfucker in this town who can handle me
-what do you mean other people’s opinions/beliefs besides my
own are valid lol??
-lowkey have daddy kinks
-what do you mean it’s physically impossible for me to
control every aspect of my life??
-i mean if you really think about it voldemort was the
-the type of person who could tell their crush they like
them without flinching. terrifying
-wears d.a.r.e shirts ironically
-1990’s grunge aesthetic
-would walk into a burning building for the meme
-playing the hero?? haha never heard of it :))
-ew what the fuck man get those feelings away from me lol
-fuck da police
-following the rules?? that seems excessive lmao no thanks
-i once had one (1) original idea back in the summer of ’67.
it was terrifying. i’ll never do it again.
-your scary math teacher that wears black socks everyday expects
friday. then they jazz it up a bit with stripes. will mark your grade up if you
say you like the same sports team as they do.
-understanding concepts outside of your own experiences?
lmao no thanks?
-will make quizlet sets organize your desk for you
-my dream in life is to narrate a crime documentary and
complete my george washington memorabilia collection.
-remembers all of their colleagues birthdays. doesn’t say
-fucking get over your ex already he wasn’t that attractive
calm down allison
-*googles* why do i relate to regina george from mean girls so
-the type of person who tells your boyfriend you have a crush
-o v e r d r a m a t i c
-gets your shit together for you. judges you
-if you can manage to find one that actually tolerates you
they are some of the most loyal and true people you’ll ever meet
-horrible social skills, compensates through meme hoarding
-sends you links to conspiracy theory videos when you’re sad
-extremely intelligent but they get lost in their own house
-whoops i just remember i haven’t showered in 3 weeks lol
-i would laugh at that joke but i’m 3 hours deep into an existential
crisis and i’m 100% convinced you are actually a robot created by bill clinton
so not today jeff
-cries over cat videos in public
-facetimes you in a grasshopper fursuit at 3 in the morning
-probably an alcoholic
-has 87 different crushes at once
-you haven’t talked to them in 7 years but they’ll show up
at your birthday party and give you dog
-also attention whores
-generally has the personality of someone who just did 10
lines of cocaine
-one sec let me just gather up all of the fake empathy i can
muster for this particular situation
-that one kid in class who always has perfect notes
-shudders at the thought of… a… creative… thought….
-falls in love with an estp approximately every 23 seconds
-hi i’m karen, i’m 34, i love my family, cupcake baking,
helping people of course until it interferes with my own personal comfort haha,
christmas decorations, room layouts,
-probably has a studyblr
-your angry boss
-probably cyberbullies children on the internet
-has an emotional breakdown when they don’t win classroom jeopardy
-*googles* who is bernie sanders and why do i want him dead
why aren’t more people talking about the fact taylor swift is releasing her new album on the 10th anniversary of Kanyes moms death? like taylor is known for her meticulous planning where every little detail has meaning so there is no way that’s an accident (and even if it was someone definitely told her and she decided it was ok)
say what you will about Kanye but he adored his mom and it is beyond cruel to exploit her death in a petty feud
like it’s one thing to lie at the expense of his career it’s a whole other thing to use something so tragic as a twisted pawn in her game of revenge
Undeveloped vs. developed Venus signs (relationships and love)
Undeveloped: gets very angry because of smallest things, competitive, compares themselves to their partner, easily jealous, gets offended a lot, often only wants physical affection, doesn’t want their ego to be hurt
Developed: wants the relationship to be fun, active, shows you lots of love, adventurous, open about feelings, appreciates the little things, loves to go out, shows you off, you can always talk to them
Undeveloped: possessive, overly jealous, doesn’t talk about their emotions, high-sensitive, wants to do everything right, anxious about falling in love, very shy and reserved, fear of being rejected
Developed: most romantic person ever, wants the best for their partner, gets you gifts, shows affection a lot, always supportive, happy when with people, great people-pleaser, loves to spend time with their partner even if it’s just for napping
Undeveloped: judging, control-freak, manipulative in a way, bad intentions, showing less to no emotion at all, you never know where you’re at with them, won’t let you talk, doesn’t really listen
Developed: funny and lively conversations, shows you the bright side of life, gives good advice, tries to be a lil more affectionate, smiles a lot and gives you positivity, is like a best friend and partner at the same time
Undeveloped: controlling, manipulates your emotion, cry-baby, needs you a bit too much, drama queen, jealous, a bit clingy, love is “melodrama”, deeply affected/sad when something goes wrong
Developed: cares about their partner and their health, always a shoulder to lean on, gives the warmest hugs, helps you, tries to understand your opinions, just wants to spread love, shows affection a lot, romantic
Undeveloped: wants to be treated as royal, could use you for their goods, egoistic af, when their needs aren’t fulfilled prepare for fight, needs attention, fishing for compliments, doesn’t really care about how their partner feels, clingy
Developed: treats YOU like royality, supports you and your goals, no.1 fan of your relationship, shows you off, goes on cute dates, thoughtful gifts, romantic, positive about your future, wants to spend time with you
Undeveloped: doesn’t “care” about love, thinks they don’t deserve love, plays the victim, gives everything in a relationship without getting something back, shows no emotion, difficult to see under their hard shell, hard to commit to a person/relationship
Developed: your go-to-person, shows enough emotion, embraces the little things, really sweet and affectionate, makes thoughtful gifts, cares about you and your health, always trying to make you happy with little jokes, best teamwork-partner ever, selfless
Undeveloped: clingy, overly romantic, has a new crush everyday, can‘t really commit to one partner, you never know where you‘re at with them, everything revolves about them and their feelings, missing sense of identity, indecesive
Developed: really sweet and affectionate, wants the best for their partner, invests a lot of time in the relationship, determined about love, loves to show their love, shows you off, tells everyone that their partner is the best, cares for you
Undeveloped: possessive, too much jealousy (you can‘t even talk to someone else), not stable enough to handle a rejection, concentrates only on their partner and forgets about themselves, often too passionate and a lot of fights
Developed: gives you enough freedom to be yourself, romantic and cute gestures, pushes you to new things, is productive with you, teamwork is always on point, gives you security and stability, great sex life, wants to be happy with you
Undeveloped: often too flighty, doesn’t stay around one partner for too long, difficulties to express their feelings properly, doesn’t search for something true, thinks they’re always right, often brutally honest and disrespectful
Developed: tries to give their partner safety but also an adventure, always wants to do something new and crazy (in a good way), loves you for who you are not what you look like, is proud to have you and shows you their feelings
Undeveloped: does not have a lot of self-confidence and doubts themselves constantly, afraid of falling in love and ending the relationship in a disaster, cold and comes off as heartless, only interested in their work, makes up no time for their partner
Developed: one of the most romantic and affectionate lovers, when they really love you, they’ll show and prove it, give you stability, respectful and not too clingy, wants the best for you and always helps you with everything, is really concerned about being happy with one person
Undeveloped: a bit of a loner sometimes, it’s very hard for them to show affection and love, often don’t know what love feels like, tries to avoid relationships, cynic,pretty harsh, hard for them to open up to someone, lost in their own world, not interested in romance
Developed: would go to the end of the world for the person they love, shows love in their own and very special ways, down for anything, you can talk with them about literally anything, soulmate material, wants the best for you, needs their freedom but you can always find compromises
Undeveloped: too dreamy, can’t commit to one person, but if they do they’re too clingy, don’t think of themselves and only cares about others which isn’t always good, plays the victim a lot, lonely, wastes time not talking to their crush and tell them the truth
Developed: loves to spend time with the one they love, also tries to think of themselves, helpful and caring, very sensual and sensitive, they would never ever hurt you, loyal and honest, a sweet little romantic, gives the best advice
Reputation Shouldn’t Be Taken Literally. But It’s Also True.
Every song on Rep so far is a mix of truth and drama.
1. Look What You Made Me Do
No wonder we were completely confused when this song came out. On one hand, we thought it was about Kim and Kanye, but also maybe Katy. But then, as many people have noted, it could also be about how the way the media treats her.
Any of those theories could be true because the song is about all of it. The song is her “re-birth”. She pulls a phoenix rising from the ashes:
“Honey, I rose up from the dead I do it all the time”
This is her truth. She got smarter and got harder from all of the drama and publicity she’s received over the past few years. But then…
She plays the mean girl.
“I’ve got a list of names and yours is in red underlined”
Taylor Swift has better things to do than sit around and write down a list of people she wants to get revenge on. But also, if that did exist, I don’t think she’d really want to admit it.
“The world moves on, another day, another drama-drama. But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma.”
Again, people do genuinely believe she never moves on from drama and actually manufactures it so she can sell it in her music.
“Look what you made me do”
She strategically makes the song about what other people did to her, not how she got herself into this mess. Essentially portraying her as girl who people say is always playing the victim.
2. …Ready For It?
This song is fascinating because it tells the story of meeting a guy for the first time and knowing that, going in, there are a lot of things that could cause problems.
“Wonder how many girls he had loved and left haunted”
“Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry”
The song captures, in its rap-sung verses, the intensity of a relationship just beginning. The questions, the curiosity and also each person’s reputation. However, this is probably her most interesting truth:
“Touch me and you’ll never be alone”
This is a fantastic lyric because it shows us the chaos of starting a high-profile relationship. Especially if you’re dating one of the world’s most renowned songwriters.
We start out, right from the get-go with images of thieves and robbers.
“Me, I was a robber first time that he saw me”
Now, this is exactly the line that sticks out to me because she’s directly addressing her reputation. She’s essentially saying that the man in question probably saw her as a man-eater (an insult she’s often associated with)
“Let the games begin.”
Taylor is seen as a girl who dates for fun. Always on to the next guy. Playing games with people’s hearts so she can write another song about it.
There’s a very clear story here. It should be fairly obvious at this point. From the Sunset and Vine reference to this pretty defining lyric:
“And I got a boyfriend, he’s older than us”
Or this iconic line that describes my flirting strategy:
“That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk”
Not even to mention going home to her cats.
I’ve heard people say this song can’t be satire, camp or a character because it’s “about Joe”. That’s ridiculous. Truth and satire can exist in the same song. We should know this well from Blank Space.
And I mean, c’mon:
“You’ve ruined my life by not being mine”.
The media likes to think of her as a control freak, right? Manipulative and always looking for another man to date, she plays into this reputation perfectly.
“I feel like I might sink and drown and die”
Her phrasing should clear up any doubt here. Not to mention she’s probably drunk while she’s thinking this. This line is a comment on the public perception of how dramatic she is. It’s no secret that she sometimes seems to overdramatize the real-life events of her songs.
Now, THE ALBUM COVER BRINGS IT TOGETHER
There have honestly been great interpretations of this and I think they’re all pretty much true. But also, think about the songs in relation to the editing here.
The album exists halfway between the real her and the media’s perception of her, just as every song has demonstrated so far. It’s a fascinating trick for anyone who wants to take these songs as fully the truth or fully satire because neither is right.
So no, we can’t take these songs literally.
But yes, we can take parts of them seriously.
Why? Because there’s always a little truth to our reputation.