SO YES the golf bag is real and it is so much better than I could have imagined.

1. It’s the most awful pattern of black and white. I hope this isn’t something they actually market, because…look at that. Also, it lacks gold trim or red highlights–both of which we know a certain someone is a fan of. 

2. His name is on it in freaking impact font like it’s some sort of garbage meme.

3. His name is President Trump–meaning that if/when he leaves, it’s either going to stick with him as a reminder of his failures and the worst four-or-fewer years of his life, or it’s going to be sold and discarded like the rubbish that is his tenure.

4. His name is on a golf bag. This is his legacy.

5. They have the “Stanley Cup Champions” there to remind him of what quality looks like. They’re tooting their own horn, signing this piece of magnificent trolling like a professional graffiti artist tagging their work. 

6. I can’t get over the Adidas logo for some reason. It’s just…up there at the top. Garish, gaudy, another piece of product placement along with everything else. Trump doesn’t even get to have his name adorning this thing along, it’s crowded in there with two other logos. 

7. They gave him a golf bag instead of a jersey. They broke with a longstanding tradition to give him a half-joke, half-insult. 

I’m proud of them for this. It’s so hideous.

Thoughts of a Hockey Penalty Box Attendant

  • ‘Get a job in the NHL they said, it’ll be fun they said, fuckin’ lied though didn’t they.’
  • 'Here comes our first prisone–I mean player.’
  • 'Why do you guys have to hit the glass with your sticks? Why? You could poke an eye out.’
  • 'Oh no, no no no, not the camera– damnit, we just got a new one.’
  • 'How many times is this guy gonna get a penalty.’
  • 'Oh great, here comes another one. Joy.’
  • 'Okay guys, I’m running out of roo- okay honestly, I have no where to sit now.’
  • 'Ew, I just stepped in some sort of bodily fluid.’
  • 'Just once I’d like to see a fan come in the box circa Tie Domi. Just once.’
  • 'It’s a good thing there’s no hot mics in here. A sailor would blush after hearing some of this shit.’
  • 'Can–can you not try to continue the fight while in the pout palace? You’re basically in a glass case of emotion and no one can hear you but me.’
  • 'I will either go deaf from players yelling or fans. Probs both.’
  • 'I am the keeper of the bad children and I alone can release them from their prison.’

The benches in hockey dressing rooms are built so that your feet rest on the floor with your skates on which means that there are pictures of Large Professional Athletes with sock feet dangling off of the bench and I think that is a beautiful thing.

Sometimes I wonder...

…if I will ever outgrow giggling about double entendres in hockey interviews.

I mean, I really shouldn’t make fun of these guys…

…but then again…

…it’s so easy. And maybe they are even doing it on purpose? I mean…


Oh well, even if most of them are clueless little cinnamon buns, at least one of them knows exactly what he’s doing:

Hockey Returns vol. 100.  Excited!

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WHAT DID I JUST WATCH 😂
- M xx