I loved five women before you. Who. What. When. Where. Why.
Who I loved, was a girl from college. I wasn’t exactly close to her but with some superficial facts and a few interaction over semester; you know, like most guys fantasizing about a girl they barely know, I filled in the blanks like a fairytale author. And who she became in my head was probably more than the reality. She was a third year sorority girl. And I was the infatuated freshman, sure, but the several times we got to spend together outside of class also allowed me to see she also had a good heart and a bright spirit. The only problem was? So did just about any other guy. And while she turned me down nicely, I swear, there were times when it seemed like the cliche sorority girl may have felt something for the typical, awkward, freshman.
What I loved, was an old friend. But she was much more than just a friend. we met early in college and kept in touch with the year after. We saw each other grow, and change. And through multiple relationships. I saw her different boyfriends come and go, she was also there for every girlfriend… and break-up of mine. Personality, humor, taste, it was all there. Her and I were almost perfect. The only thing that wasn’t perfect, was our timing. We were never single at the same time and what we loved about each other was never enough to leave who we were with. This is something we eventually have to face and accept. And we had to leave behind what we had.
When I loved, was my first girlfriend in highschool. It’s a bit unfair because she embodies the combination of both love and youth. The feeling of young love is unique and impossible to replace or replicate. Because we can only be that age once. High school was the time of innocence, discovery and adventure. We shared these three elements together and things like, our first kiss, late night sneaking out, and mad-named movies. All of which now have become a nostalgic love. Preserved in a time that neither of us can touch, but know it’s there. Even though we were just kids, there’s not a doubt in my mind that when we were there, we were in love.
Where I loved, was the girl I met in Los Angeles. I never intend to stay there that long. It was just a six-month internship after graduating, but it all changed when I met her. Soon a year had passed and somehow another year after that. I couldn’t leave the city. I couldn’t leave her. Maybe it was my desire to be on my own, or prove something to everyone back at home, but she helped me accomplish it over there. With a relationship reflective of the city we were in. A new energy and new experiences that really push me to mature more than anyone. Or anywhere else. When people ask what city I love the most, I say, L.A. The city where I loved the most.
Why I loved, was a close friend of mine who passed away. She told me after she was diagnosed that death wasn’t what saddened her the most. But the fact that she never really felt like she had fallen in love. She wouldn’t get to have those emotions, good and bad. Of being hurt, and of being held. After she passed, those words stuck with me the most. Teaching me to see that, one of the greatest gifts we have of being alive was the ability to give, receive, and even lose love. There are so many like her, whose lives end before having any of those experiences. What a waste if we don’t strive to love in our lives. She made me understand why. Why waste our life… not loving?
You are the sixth. You are none of them. Because you are all of them.
You are who I love. The girl on the pedestal. The fantasy. The make-believe things that are actually true. You are what I love. The depth, the inside jokes. The bestfriend. You are when I love. A new history is being started with you. We are the young lovers our older selves will someday reminisce about. You are where I love. Because I’d go anywhere just to be with you. You are why I love. Because before you, I didn’t truly understand what I was looking for. Now that we found each other, You’ve given my past, and future, meaning.
[I’ve always been more like “bad-luck” Harry Kim than I would like to admit and I always thought that I’m just not the type of person who can take command of anything, but lately I re-watched the episode Nightingale and there’s that moment when Neelix tells Harry that he has to be more decisive if he wants to be captain some day, so I took it as a personal advice and ever since I’ve been thinking to myself in tough situations “what would Janeway do” and it has helped me through a lot! ]
I promised a few of you some pictures of the Star Trek Las Vegas convention. I literally have thousands to go through when I get back to the UK.
Today, I met Kate Mulgrew. Throughout the course of my life, Kate has been of huge inspiration to me. I feel utterly privileged to have met a number of my idols this week including Garrett Wang, Robert Beltran, Ethan Phillips and Robert Picardo. The gents were delightfully charming and hilarious all at the same time.
A few people have mentioned how lucky I am to have had the opportunity to come along. I must say however, this convention is something I have been working up to for many years. I lost my brother, Richard in 2006. When Richard passed, he was 27 years of age. My visit is bitter sweet as I simply would not have been able to afford this trip if it were not for the money he left me when he passed away following an unexpected illness. Richard was my best friend. We grew up watching Star Trek together and shared the same passion for Voyager in particular. Robert Picardo was Richards hero, Kate was mine. For years after my brothers passing I could not even sit through five minutes of Star Trek. It was just too painful. Poignantly, the theme music for Voyager was what my parents chose to play at Richards service. Following Richards passing I started to develop some anxiety issues and slowly but surely withdrew from society a couple of years ago. That is when I started to paint again.
I learned how to paint portraits through painting Captain Janeway. Once I was comfortable I moved onto painting other people and characters from the Star Trek franchise. I have focussed my energy into regaining my confidence when interacting with other people and developing my artistic abilities.
My wife encouraged me to take this huge step in coming over to the Vegas convention. This also gave me the opportunity to put what my brother had left me to good use. I have had the most wonderful of times, though, I have to be honest I wasn’t able to eat today as I was so nervous about meeting Kate.
Firstly, we had our picture taken with Kate. I had the opportunity to tell her how much she had been an inspiration to me which was simply wonderful. Following the photo opportunities, the autograph opportunities opened and she signed the picture I had painted of ‘Red’.
I took two copies with me. I placed one down for Kate to sign, she said she loved it and asked me if I had painted it. I said that I had and added,
'I brought two copies and would be extremely grateful if you would take one.’
She then asked me my name. I replied,
Kate then offered me the pen she had signed her name with and said,
'You must sign it.’
I always sign my name with the signature many of you would have seen on the art that I post. I was so star struck I scrawled 'Kelly’ On it and then tried to leave so quickly I left my copy on the table. Luckily, Anna, my wife pointed it out to me and I remembered to retrieve said autograph.
Tomorrow I will have the great honour of meeting Robbie McNeill and Tim Russ. I look forward to posting some more pictures of the convention once I have had the opportunity to go through them all and choose the best ones.
So at Phoenix Comicon 2017 I started to get autographs on my STLV 2015 Voyager cast photo with @marcygoomen - Made some serious progress at Star Trek Las Vegas 2017. Just need to have Roxann Dawson and Jeri Ryan sign it!