How Bayern can beat Real

I know a lot goes into football tactics and planning - but guys, I’ve got the perfect plan that, combined with our already-talented team, will automatically make this match the Most Interesting Match in CL history. 

We have an awesome captain whom we all know as a calm, steady guy. (Or do we??) 😉

Originally posted by baclstuber

We have Muller. His job will be distract and confuse the Real defenders by loudly singing random heart-felt songs while waiting for the ball to be passed to him (maybe some adele???)

Originally posted by satanic-horsemen

When we score, there will then be unusual celebrations, causing everyone to wonder what in the world they mean. 

Originally posted by piszculler

which at least gives poor James something to ponder on the bench.

Originally posted by gutilicious

Also, have you seen Manu when he’s really mad? He is flat out scary. He will strike fear in the heart of the any nearby Real players by yelling at his defenders a lot in German. (he doesn’t even have to be saying anything meaningful, only kroos will understand anyway)

Originally posted by neuersevdalisi

Alaba and Ribery will have impromptu dance breaks on the left wing every time they don’t have the ball. 

Originally posted by dxbayern

Mats will color his hair again.

Originally posted by lahmly

When there’s corners, Arjen balances the ball on his head while walking to the corner. 

Originally posted by allyp7985

Thiago will then make faces at random players during set pieces, thus causing them to wonder whether they’re playing the famed Bavarian giants or a distracted 5th grade team. 

Originally posted by gutilicious

This leaves other midfield maestros confused and wondering what alternate universe they’ve been abandoned in.

Originally posted by thomasmxller

While Renato and Juan may not be on the pitch most of the time, that doesn’t mean they’re any less important. we need them to cause a bit of a distraction at times (of course, not enough to get in trouble). 

Originally posted by bastian517

because we’re still so strong defensively somehow but acting so strange, by the 75th minute even gareth doesn’t know what to do with this match 

Originally posted by swirlytops

And after Real has spent 75 minutes trying to wear down this bizarre group of insanely talented but strange footballers, we turn it on in the 75th minute, hit them on the counter repeatedly and score, including a hat trick from Muller (This is actually the reason he hasn’t been scoring much this season - he wanted everyone to think he couldn’t score anymore.)

Originally posted by baclstuber

It ends 4-0. 

Any ideas on what we could add in leg two???

It’s really important to recognize Xabi and Lahm’s amazing responsibility with the team. Both are retiring because they feel their body is on a top moment and they still can offer their best performance on the pitch. They could probably play for 4-5 more years, earn more money, do what they love, but Bayern’s playing quality is more important to them, they would rather leave and support young talents than ‘damage’ the level by putting themselves under the spotlight. Both have always been classy, respectful and wonderful players that we will never forget and I hope they have the best last months here.

Bayern in school

If Bayern players were in school, what’d it be like?? Possibly something like this…

Originally posted by ldlwlgpl

Robert would be the easy going genius - the guy who says he never really studies but somehow manages to ace just about every exam. 

Originally posted by neybae92

Thiago is a super fun guy, always the life of the party, but inside, it’s hard for him because his brother goes to another school :(

Originally posted by dxbayern

Thomas, as we all know, is awesome…the class prankster and always makes everyone laugh

Originally posted by neuersevdalisi

Manu pretends to be Mr. Tough Guy, but to the people who really know him, its just a facade

Originally posted by 54749014

Sweet Joshie, he’s new to school here, but has found his place quite quickly. He’s being mentored by older students, like Tommy and Manu. Although sometimes we wonder whether that’s such a good thing. 

Originally posted by allyp7985

Arjen has been around here so long, his kids are practically ready to enroll. 

Originally posted by alexiwobi

David has a lot of friends from other schools…but he’s around these parts for so long, we’re not too afraid of him leaving

Originally posted by lahmly

Mats kinda pretends to be a normal guy, we all know he’s really a rebel. And it keeps the whole school asking, what color will it be next?

Originally posted by papoilasaltitante

Renato is a new student too…even though he’s still kinda trying to find his place in this new school, he’s pretty cool and well-liked already.

Originally posted by dxbayern

Juan is a exchange student from Spain, so sometimes he gets a little confused as to what exactly is happening in class (because of language), but it’s just so adorable…

Originally posted by dxbayern

Philipp is a super nice guy, as well as class president. He’s usually a positive guy and boosts everyone’s morale, even in the midst of difficult exams, like the Champions Exams. 

Originally posted by dxbayern

Xabi has been in this school for a long time, after being at several other schools when he was younger. He will graduate soon, so we’ll enjoy him being around while we can. 

Originally posted by asjalein

Franck is the student who never really grew up…but he’s a great student anyway. 


Happy Birthday, Philipp Lahm