i wrote this the night before thanksgiving ‘17

the youngest of my two brothers
struggled
to alert my parents
that he has
in fact
been dating a girl for three weeks.
i sat next to him
unsure of myself
suddenly forgetting
how to move my hands
swallow my breath
where to look.
my parents
towards the end of our family meal
recounted the story of their engagement
giggles and hoots
we laugh at their absurd and endearing stories
and yet
i still find myself
fumbling the ball.
there is a high pitch bellow
ringing in my ears
i look around me
each face lined with laughter
excitement sitting in their bellies
and i realize
i am alone in my discomfort.
i am alone.
i read an article this morning
my mind swirling amongst the words of the author
poetry is language of weakness
not of self
of weakness.

i am alone
and i am writing this in weakness.
yesterday a boy at my school held a door open for me.
my jaw returning to its home
thank you
i dare not look into his eyes
or else he will see
what i keep hidden from the world
i am lonely.
i cannot
will not
let the imagery of a male servicing me in a time of need
be a depiction of something other than myself
saving me.
i am alone.
i will be alone.
tears burn behind my eyes as i write this.
i quickly fix my hat
turn my stare
avoid my parents
my brothers
their girlfriends
i cannot let them know
allow them to detect my hunger for more.

flickr

Rome Details by Claudio_R_1973

You are not just a separate individual in this world, but you are a part of it. Everything is connected. We are all one being. There are no separate energies; but just one big collection of all of us together.
—  Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin